AD had realization
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
AD had realization
She is still at the sober home doing well. Yesterday she was to start her 2nd job. On the application she told the truth, that she had been "convicted" of a misdeamanor, shoplifting a few years ago. She was arrested, we didn't get her out and 14 days later she went to court, pled quilty (she was) and was realeased on time served. Seems this company has a "NO" to anyone w/ a record. So she didn't get to work. She was devastated, embarressed, etc. Said the mgr said she would love to "go around the rules but it would cost her job", and she should have checked it more thoroughly before telling her she had the job. She was very kind and sorry, but it made Kasey realize the past is there and you have to deal w/ it.
She had already talked to the other women, her sponsor before she called us. She said she was OK, would start today looking for another part time job and not let this get her down. But I could tell by her voice she felt put down, no way out etc.
All I could tell her (w/o being the old me) was to be proud she told the truth, she wasn't a liar, and God had something different in mind for her. But, I did feel for her. I wanted to jump in and fix it or help, but I know she has to do this on her own. I can't remember why right now, but know I am to butt out! Another example of how life is not easy, even when you try!
Keep her in your prayers. I hope this wasn't so devastating to her she gives up again--my worst fear. I prayed about it last nite and now share w/ ya'll, so it is once again in bigger hands than mine!
love,
susan
She had already talked to the other women, her sponsor before she called us. She said she was OK, would start today looking for another part time job and not let this get her down. But I could tell by her voice she felt put down, no way out etc.
All I could tell her (w/o being the old me) was to be proud she told the truth, she wasn't a liar, and God had something different in mind for her. But, I did feel for her. I wanted to jump in and fix it or help, but I know she has to do this on her own. I can't remember why right now, but know I am to butt out! Another example of how life is not easy, even when you try!
Keep her in your prayers. I hope this wasn't so devastating to her she gives up again--my worst fear. I prayed about it last nite and now share w/ ya'll, so it is once again in bigger hands than mine!
love,
susan
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Susan -
Sorry Kasey has to deal with this, but I know the feeling. Because I am in a first offender situation, I will not have a felony as long as I complete my probation with no additional charges. So, I can honestly say, on applications, that I don't have a felony (verified this with my PO), but I do have to answer "yes" to the question "have you ever been convicted on a charge, other than misdeamenor".
I have been turned down for jobs and even though I need to get a part-time job to supplement my full-time one, I'm putting it off 'cause I worry about being judged on my drug charge, not being looked at how far I've come. Right now, I've just turned that over and asked God that when the right opportunity comes up, let me able to take advantage of it.
I think it's great that Kasey was honest and you're reaction was wonderful. When I have to deal with my consequences, my dad says "I'm sorry" in a very loving way. From reading here, I know he feels my pain and would love to take it away, but he's darn proud that I just keep trying.
You and Kasey are always in my prayers and it sounds like she's doing good. She is surrounded by supportive people and the fact that she talked to them and her sponsor about it tells me, she's dealing with life in a recovery frame of mind.
Hugs and prayers!!
Amy
Sorry Kasey has to deal with this, but I know the feeling. Because I am in a first offender situation, I will not have a felony as long as I complete my probation with no additional charges. So, I can honestly say, on applications, that I don't have a felony (verified this with my PO), but I do have to answer "yes" to the question "have you ever been convicted on a charge, other than misdeamenor".
I have been turned down for jobs and even though I need to get a part-time job to supplement my full-time one, I'm putting it off 'cause I worry about being judged on my drug charge, not being looked at how far I've come. Right now, I've just turned that over and asked God that when the right opportunity comes up, let me able to take advantage of it.
I think it's great that Kasey was honest and you're reaction was wonderful. When I have to deal with my consequences, my dad says "I'm sorry" in a very loving way. From reading here, I know he feels my pain and would love to take it away, but he's darn proud that I just keep trying.
You and Kasey are always in my prayers and it sounds like she's doing good. She is surrounded by supportive people and the fact that she talked to them and her sponsor about it tells me, she's dealing with life in a recovery frame of mind.
Hugs and prayers!!
Amy
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
You know susan, I bet she finds a better job than the one she didn't get. That's the way these things usally work. My mom had a funny saying, "I've had worse said by better". You should tell your daughter that I bet she'll giggle.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Susan,
I know what Kasey and you are going through. Jen has had similar situations happen to her. How long will their past haunt them. When a company does a backround check they are always going to find out and it won't be good. Does info come up if it is not a felony? Is Jen's jail stint going to be found out? She is worried that the company she works for will find out about her drug charges, even though they are not felonies. Her job is only seasonal, but I guess it doesn't matter if they dig up the dirt.
Kasey will find something else. She is trying that is the main thing. I know how we want to make it all better, I am the same way. Have to step out of the way she will take care of it.
Hugs.........Lo
I know what Kasey and you are going through. Jen has had similar situations happen to her. How long will their past haunt them. When a company does a backround check they are always going to find out and it won't be good. Does info come up if it is not a felony? Is Jen's jail stint going to be found out? She is worried that the company she works for will find out about her drug charges, even though they are not felonies. Her job is only seasonal, but I guess it doesn't matter if they dig up the dirt.
Kasey will find something else. She is trying that is the main thing. I know how we want to make it all better, I am the same way. Have to step out of the way she will take care of it.
Hugs.........Lo
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
believe it our not .. as much as it sucks .. it can speak loudly to the recovering addict (mirroring how truly messed up when we were out in la la land) and it can be
the kick in the butt that causes us to be determined to turn everything around ... and carry ourselves with a attitude of "I messed up my life while I was using, but I am clean today and all I need is to find someone who is willing to give me a chance at a fresh start. There are people out there in this world that are willing ... there are plenty of jobs out there and she will land one IF she doesn't give up. Gently remind her that she didn't get where she is over night and it will take some time to clean up her past, but it is do-able and the benefits and rewards are soooooooo worth it.
Nothing can make her use if she has 100% resolved in her heart, mind and soul that she is done. (NOTHING) if she chooses to use over this then she might have a little more way to go before hitting rock bottom. (This definitely could be used as an EXCUSE to use - (us addicts always can find a reason or an excuse) but to the mind that is done with using .. this isn't an excuse to use, but rather a bump in the road .. a mountain to be climbed and a feat to be conquered (the mindset I have no one to blame, but myself and blame ain't gonna do me a bit of good so I'm going to embrace who and what I am today "A RECOVERING ADDICT" who is in the process of trying to better my life .. and when I go to my next job interview I can be proud of who I am today and I can bring with me a new attitude (one that reflects the goodness in me and the willingness to change and become whole again) I will pursue my dreams as hard as I persued my drugs .. (the things that I encountered that sucked along the way of my recovery) I found didn't really suck at all (rules are rules and policies are policies) what sucked was my defeatist attitude (something had to change) the rules and policies weren't going to so it had to be my attitude. Things didn't suck no more (maybe they were a "bummer") I rose to the challenge ... and when I hit a bump I identified it for just that - "a bump in the road" I fully knew there were plenty other avenues out there and as long as I didn't give up I'd find an open door and welcome arms somewhere out there in this big wide world.
Its all in the attitude. As long as she stays in recovery she'll do fine ... (as addicts we've gotten use to "quick fixes" - No pun intended and as recovering addicts we are taught that all good things come in time and in the "right time".
This is her recovery... don't lose yourself in it (so easy to do)
Just support her and be an encourager ... try not to go to or get caught up in the poor poor her mode ... the light is in the recovery-always focus on the light and time & persistence are on her side.
There is much to be admired about a person who had been down to the depths of hell and is fighting her way back .. who is willing to do whatever it takes to remain clean and tredge through the wreckage of her past to clean it up one step at a time one day at a time
(active addicts live day to day with a defeatist attitude) (when we get into recovery we are learning new tools and new ways to battle our addiction) The recovering addict learning how to "overcome" and to be a winner ... We need to be sure to what we feed the new attitude fits the new attitude)
Ever hear a relapsed addict say ... "I just couldn't do it (stay clean) It was to hard .. I messed up my life so bad already ... no one was willing to help me ... I tried but I just couldn't get a job, rent a house or ..... then they end it with EVEN YOU SAID how unfairly I was being treated .. EVEN YOU KNOw i'VE fkd UP AND IT CAN'T BE FIXED. Be an encourager .. no matter how grey things may seem simply offer gentle compassion, understanding and lots of encouragement)
Ever hear a recovering addict say BECAUSE YOU BELIEVED IN ME
There is POWER in WORDS!!!!
tell her I said
NEVER GIVE IN OR UP
(addiction takes us there - recovery brings us back
Keep on keepin' on
Hugs to you and to her
Passion
the kick in the butt that causes us to be determined to turn everything around ... and carry ourselves with a attitude of "I messed up my life while I was using, but I am clean today and all I need is to find someone who is willing to give me a chance at a fresh start. There are people out there in this world that are willing ... there are plenty of jobs out there and she will land one IF she doesn't give up. Gently remind her that she didn't get where she is over night and it will take some time to clean up her past, but it is do-able and the benefits and rewards are soooooooo worth it.
Nothing can make her use if she has 100% resolved in her heart, mind and soul that she is done. (NOTHING) if she chooses to use over this then she might have a little more way to go before hitting rock bottom. (This definitely could be used as an EXCUSE to use - (us addicts always can find a reason or an excuse) but to the mind that is done with using .. this isn't an excuse to use, but rather a bump in the road .. a mountain to be climbed and a feat to be conquered (the mindset I have no one to blame, but myself and blame ain't gonna do me a bit of good so I'm going to embrace who and what I am today "A RECOVERING ADDICT" who is in the process of trying to better my life .. and when I go to my next job interview I can be proud of who I am today and I can bring with me a new attitude (one that reflects the goodness in me and the willingness to change and become whole again) I will pursue my dreams as hard as I persued my drugs .. (the things that I encountered that sucked along the way of my recovery) I found didn't really suck at all (rules are rules and policies are policies) what sucked was my defeatist attitude (something had to change) the rules and policies weren't going to so it had to be my attitude. Things didn't suck no more (maybe they were a "bummer") I rose to the challenge ... and when I hit a bump I identified it for just that - "a bump in the road" I fully knew there were plenty other avenues out there and as long as I didn't give up I'd find an open door and welcome arms somewhere out there in this big wide world.
Its all in the attitude. As long as she stays in recovery she'll do fine ... (as addicts we've gotten use to "quick fixes" - No pun intended and as recovering addicts we are taught that all good things come in time and in the "right time".
This is her recovery... don't lose yourself in it (so easy to do)
Just support her and be an encourager ... try not to go to or get caught up in the poor poor her mode ... the light is in the recovery-always focus on the light and time & persistence are on her side.
There is much to be admired about a person who had been down to the depths of hell and is fighting her way back .. who is willing to do whatever it takes to remain clean and tredge through the wreckage of her past to clean it up one step at a time one day at a time
(active addicts live day to day with a defeatist attitude) (when we get into recovery we are learning new tools and new ways to battle our addiction) The recovering addict learning how to "overcome" and to be a winner ... We need to be sure to what we feed the new attitude fits the new attitude)
Ever hear a relapsed addict say ... "I just couldn't do it (stay clean) It was to hard .. I messed up my life so bad already ... no one was willing to help me ... I tried but I just couldn't get a job, rent a house or ..... then they end it with EVEN YOU SAID how unfairly I was being treated .. EVEN YOU KNOw i'VE fkd UP AND IT CAN'T BE FIXED. Be an encourager .. no matter how grey things may seem simply offer gentle compassion, understanding and lots of encouragement)
Ever hear a recovering addict say BECAUSE YOU BELIEVED IN ME
There is POWER in WORDS!!!!
tell her I said
NEVER GIVE IN OR UP
(addiction takes us there - recovery brings us back
Keep on keepin' on
Hugs to you and to her
Passion
Last edited by nytepassion; 10-18-2007 at 08:14 AM.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
she is in my prayers. the addict keeps paying the consequences even after they clean their act up.that is sad,especially for those who have yrs. in. i am proud of her too.i am sorry she has to go through this.hugs,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Faith~Hope~Love
Posts: 963
(((susan)))
I used to worry about this too, that my son would become so overwhelmed by the mess he had made that he would crumble under the pressure and go back to using. There were days he was down and out about it, just as your Kasey is. The amazing thing was that as he slowwwwwly cleaned up the wreckage of his past, piece by piece, he grew and matured and I could see what a great boost this was to his self-esteem, because he was doing it himself.
There will be little setbacks like this, but I believe there is something even better just waiting around the corner for your girl. Hugs and prayers to you both
I used to worry about this too, that my son would become so overwhelmed by the mess he had made that he would crumble under the pressure and go back to using. There were days he was down and out about it, just as your Kasey is. The amazing thing was that as he slowwwwwly cleaned up the wreckage of his past, piece by piece, he grew and matured and I could see what a great boost this was to his self-esteem, because he was doing it himself.
There will be little setbacks like this, but I believe there is something even better just waiting around the corner for your girl. Hugs and prayers to you both
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
Thank you all! I love what Passion said:
There is much to be admired about a person who had been down to the depths of hell and is fighting her way back .. who is willing to do whatever it takes to remain clean and tredge through the wreckage of her past to clean it up one step at a time one day at a time
Yes, it is to be admired and encouraged. Thank you for helping me from the other side!
love you all,
susan
There is much to be admired about a person who had been down to the depths of hell and is fighting her way back .. who is willing to do whatever it takes to remain clean and tredge through the wreckage of her past to clean it up one step at a time one day at a time
Yes, it is to be admired and encouraged. Thank you for helping me from the other side!
love you all,
susan
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Susan,
My daughter spent 2 months trying to get a job. She didn't want to go back to waitressing or bartending...that was the old Megan as she says. She wanted a day job and something with benefits...something with room for growth as she finished her schooling. And something reasonably near public transportation since she lost her license. It was hard...the time without an offer made her feel rejected and lowered her self esteem. I hurt for her and told her she was testing my recovery too because I really wanted to fix this and make it better. (I relapsed big time one day...sending her copies of online ads and the like. Smart woman that she is, she said Mom I love you but please stop) The best thing I could do on the days she got so discouraged was to tell her I believed in her and also that I knew she didn't want to hear it at the moment, but there was a reason this was taking so long.
She signed with a temp agency who eventually sent her for an interview for what could be a long term temp position and maybe open the way to permanent. Although she wasn't asked, she told her boss in the interview that she was in recovery. She said it is such a huge part of her life, that she wanted to have it out there. She got the job..Her boss is amazing, one of the most positive and motivating people you would ever want to know and absolutely loves her...says they are kindred spirits. This woman is trying to move heaven and earth to be her advocate and get her something permanent...
Yes, I believe that HP wanted her right where she is right now. I can't say why for sure...to get a permanent job there or to have this incredible experience with a person who in a short time has made such an impact on her life...or what, but it is good....all good. And I know that even this disappointment is all good for Kasey too.
I truly think that some of the strongest most amazing people in the world are recovering addicts. My admiration for them is beyond words....
You and Kasey are always in my prayers. Hugs
My daughter spent 2 months trying to get a job. She didn't want to go back to waitressing or bartending...that was the old Megan as she says. She wanted a day job and something with benefits...something with room for growth as she finished her schooling. And something reasonably near public transportation since she lost her license. It was hard...the time without an offer made her feel rejected and lowered her self esteem. I hurt for her and told her she was testing my recovery too because I really wanted to fix this and make it better. (I relapsed big time one day...sending her copies of online ads and the like. Smart woman that she is, she said Mom I love you but please stop) The best thing I could do on the days she got so discouraged was to tell her I believed in her and also that I knew she didn't want to hear it at the moment, but there was a reason this was taking so long.
She signed with a temp agency who eventually sent her for an interview for what could be a long term temp position and maybe open the way to permanent. Although she wasn't asked, she told her boss in the interview that she was in recovery. She said it is such a huge part of her life, that she wanted to have it out there. She got the job..Her boss is amazing, one of the most positive and motivating people you would ever want to know and absolutely loves her...says they are kindred spirits. This woman is trying to move heaven and earth to be her advocate and get her something permanent...
Yes, I believe that HP wanted her right where she is right now. I can't say why for sure...to get a permanent job there or to have this incredible experience with a person who in a short time has made such an impact on her life...or what, but it is good....all good. And I know that even this disappointment is all good for Kasey too.
I truly think that some of the strongest most amazing people in the world are recovering addicts. My admiration for them is beyond words....
You and Kasey are always in my prayers. Hugs
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