Don't really know where to start!

Old 10-17-2007, 06:48 AM
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Question Don't really know where to start!

Hello all....

I apologize right off the bat here...I'm new to this whole thing! I hope I'm doing this correctly!

My hubby is the addict...

Today he goes for his second individual counseling session for his second round of addiction help!

I'm am crazy nervous....I really need him to have a good connection with this guy! I really think he is READY THIS TIME to get help! I'm so excited, but...also, no longer niave...

I have a million questions and thoughts floating around in my head....I don't know what to do...is this the right place to get help for me? Everyone keeps telling me I need to get some help this time. The first time around I was just so, I don't even know what...I think I just felt so bad for him, addiction was something my family NEVER had to deal with...I think I just couldn't believe it was happnening...I had to HIDE it...No one must know...I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about....

Ok...I think I'm gonna sign off now...looking for some help!

G.
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Old 10-17-2007, 06:58 AM
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This IS the right place. There is much to learn, and a bunch of us together learning about all the different facets of addiction.

Perhaps you could start with the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum? Some excellent reading includes: "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie, also "Under the Influence" by Milam and Ketchum.

Open AA meetings helped me to have hope when things seemed the most hopeless. It was good for me to hear the stories of recovery, especially when the ones I loved were not working recovery themselves.

I also listened to AA and Alanon "speaker tapes" and cds. These are available online, just type AA speaker tape into a good search engine like Google. I played them in the car when I drove around.

The thing that helped me the most? Alanon meetings. And not just a few... a lot of them. I had no idea what part I played in the dance of addiction. My part in it was far larger than I ever imagined.

I wish you well. (((hugs)))
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Old 10-17-2007, 07:02 AM
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The thing that helped me the most? Alanon meetings. And not just a few... a lot of them. I had no idea what part I played in the dance of addiction. My part in it was far larger than I ever imagined.
Great advice from BigSis. Just because the addict stops using doesn't mean things will be okay. A lot of damage has been done and it takes work on both parts to repair that damage if you choose to stay together. Nar-anon or Al-anon plus SR can make a huge difference in how you deal with things. I was amazed at the difference in myself after I started a program of my own.
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Old 10-17-2007, 07:18 AM
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Welcome! Both posts above are right. :praying Sayings lots of prayers for you and your hubby.

-Broken
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Old 10-17-2007, 09:05 AM
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Welcome! You have definitely found the right place! There is so much experience and hope here. When I first began my own process of getting healthy and I would hear people talk about "hope", I heard it to mean that the addict in my life (my 22 year old step-daughter who lives with my partner and I) would stop using alcohol and drugs and everything would be ok. Now, I understand that "hope" means that I can be ok -- better than ok, even -- regardless of whether she chooses to get healthy or not.

You are here for YOU. You can't change or control the outcome. His recovery belongs to him, no matter how badly you want it for him. However -- the Good News --- YOUR RECOVERY BELONGS TO YOU! Yee-haw!

I have been working on my own recovery (from craziness!!) for a year, and I'm learning that I am in charge of my own joy, calmness, health and gratitude - no matter what the people in my life choose to do. I can love them, and I can take care of myself at the same time without feeling guilty for putting myself first (most of the time.....). You know what they say on the airplanes -- Secure your own oxygen mask first before assisting others!!

Blessings to you,
Laura
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Old 10-17-2007, 09:23 AM
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Welcome to SR. You are in the right place. All of the above posts give excellent info for you.

Prayers for you & your hubby.
Chris
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Old 10-17-2007, 09:38 AM
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Alot of understand the craziness of living and loving an addict. Hoping and praying this will be the time he really stays quits! Feeling sad and angry when it isn't. You can learn here how to deal with your feelings and just share with others. Keep coming back and do read the stickies...they are most helpful!
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Old 10-17-2007, 10:21 AM
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Thank you for the support and encouraging words!...I just don't know how the heck I can be happy knowing he isn't.....or that he's using...how the heck can you know what we know and still keep moving? I just want to shut down and be like....look at my husband, you want me to what....? Get up...go to work, function? ARE YOU CRAZY...(smile)....but at the same time I don't want anyone to know! AGH!!
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Old 10-17-2007, 10:48 AM
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Welcome,
You're in the right place! Read the post, stickey's and keep posting. It works!
susan
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Old 10-17-2007, 11:41 AM
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We are all like that. But shutting down and staying in the house looking at walls and space will not solve anything either. Will it help him if you are home? You keep on keeping on. That is what we all do. Many days I would come to work and sit and cry. But the love and support I received from others here was great. It helped me so much to have friends around me that cared and loved me. I knew I was not alone. You really want to help your hubby? Then my advice to you is help yourself first. Work on your inner self. Begin your recovery. Get to a meeting and read the posts from the other ladies. It helps. It really does.

-Broken
:ghug
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Old 10-17-2007, 11:48 AM
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Gettin,
Great advice before me.
Just want to welcome you....

Kick off your shoes and get comfy...
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Old 10-17-2007, 01:10 PM
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I'm new too!!!!! Just read everything above. All the stickies are SO helpful. There is just so much more to this than him getting help. It's all about us and our recovery. We can learn together!!!!
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Old 10-17-2007, 03:27 PM
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Hi Gettintired...don't have a lot to add except that I am new to the process of recovery for MYSELF...not new to addiction. My husband is addicted and has been in and out of recovery for nearly 2 years. It is a bumpy road. Within the last month I began attending and participating in NarAnon meetings. I was skeptical at first but I am beginning to take charge of and change my life for the better. NarAnon really does help if you're willing to try.

Keep reading and learning as much as you can!
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Old 10-17-2007, 04:53 PM
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I know the feeling you are talking about. How the worry consumes you. i was so wrapped up in my son's and my husband's problems that I came to the point where I didn't think I could cope with day to day living. I would call in sick because I was up the whole night. I couldn't eat or sleep sometimes. I always had that sick lump in my stomach. I guess I always thought that since I was the "Sane One" that it was my job to help them. Were they doing what they were supposed to be doing? Will it work this time? Why aren't they listening to me!!! Now I am finding out that I am pretty messed up and crazy too!
But I can do something about that! I can't fix them or even help them find their recovery, but I can help me! Which is pretty empowering! It is so different now. I'm not completely free from worry and stress, (working on it!) But I am finding such peace in my program.
For someone who wants control in all sitations, I had finally gotten so crazy with it that Letting it Go was such a relief.
So good luck to you. And like the others have said, his problem is his. Al-Anon and Nar-anon have helped me tremendously.( Even when I lose my way sometimes.) And you don't have to tell anyone you don't want to.
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Old 10-17-2007, 05:23 PM
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I am glad you found SR. I would be lost without it.
You'll find a lot of comfort here. Just keep on postin!
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Old 10-17-2007, 05:25 PM
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welcome to s.r. u r at the right place.my son is my addict & this site has saved my sanity.it helps also if you can get to meetings.keep coming back.
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Old 10-18-2007, 07:05 AM
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Wow, I even read your post fast, I could tell you were typing fast. lol
Read all you can here, there are very wise people on this site who can give you the insight you need to further "your" recovery

good luck
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