Jen22

I am a SAHM married to a binge drinker. He doesn't fit neatly into any alcoholic description I've ever seen, but he sure does have a problem, and therefore I do too. He does not really think he has a problem. Frankly, most of my friends downplay it all too and tell me, "boys will be boys" -- which leads me to not turn to them for support and I now feel very, very isolated with this problem.

The drinking has been going on intermittently for over twelve years now, and I'm at the end of my rope. I've tried everything I can think of and nothing gets through to him. I know in my head it's his problem and I can't fix it, but it's hard to internalize that because I am a "fixer" and I can't help feeling that he's "doing this to me".

I'm here to start working on how to survive this with myself and my kids intact, or as healthy as we can be. I will be trying a local Alanon meeting tomorrow night as well. I would really like to meet some other people in my community who face what I face, I need someone who's BTDT and doesn't feel I'm overreacting.

I see that some Alanon meetings are for Beginners, and some are for Steps, and some have no designation. Obviously I'm a Beginner, but for how long do I have to go to a Beginner meeting? And when would I want Steps?

And to the girls who painted their A's toes, ROFLMAO! I confess to wanting to shave HALF my husband's mustache off when he was passed out. Never quite got the courage to do it though, so my hat is off to you!

Jen

JT

Welcome,

I have been involved with Alanon for a long time and I confess I have never seen a meeting designated for beginners. But go...maybe you can fill me in. Step one is admitting our powerlessness over alcohol...and in our case also the slcoholic. Nothing we have tried has worked and our lives are being affected as much by our own behavior as theirs. You sound like you are already there.

The steps are a process of growth, a roadmap if you will about a better way to live. Alanon is a gentle program...no hard and fast rules.

I am glad you found us. Stick around and make yourself at home.

Hugs,
JT

constant

Hey Jen,

Glad that you found us, heading to al-anon is a step in the right direction to take care of yourself and your children! Can't say that I personally ever have made it to a face to face, but coming here has been the life saver....... There are lots of others here who have struggled with issues that are similar, and we all love to be the "fixer".

Keep posting, Constant

liddy

Hi Jen
welcome to you !
if there is a beginners meeting , give it a try. we dont have that where I live
and it was awhile before i started to understand what was going on. especialy wordslike ODAT which is close to Ohio's ODOT the state road crew !
whichever group you start with you wont be sorry.
by the way i dont think many of us would put the alcoholic in our lives into a neat little package of how an alcoholic should be.
but the one common thread is their inability to handle alcohol.

It is a complicated disease,which we did not cause, cant control,
nor cure. we can only take care of ourselves, which we try day by day with the help of a HP, reading our literature, finding a sponser and practicing the 12 steps(same as AA's)

take care Jen
keep coming back
sue

sadmom

Working the steps yourself is great advice. As you move through them then you start to love yourself and you become detached and start to not care what your A does because you are happy with you etc.. - sorry somewhat cynical today. I have also read parts of the AA Big Book myself to try to understand how someone could "do this to me". Especially when you try to do things and give things thinking that you are the one who is screwed up. I didn't particularly like myself when he drank because I yelled. I was so mad at him one day(drinking and driving) when I was pregnant that I gave myself contractions. I realized then that losing a baby isn't worth the aggravation and started opening my eyes to the true severity of the problem. I'm not a crisis monger so I learned that is completely ineffective. If I have anything to pass on as a wife and mother of an alchoholic is to love and protect yourself and your children first. Not necessarily in that order.

spedteach

Hi Jen,

Welcome and you will find this a wonderful place to learn, grow and get support. Everyone here has btdt to some extent. My dh is also an alcoholic and has admitted but right now, is actively drinking again and says he has no problem with drinking. He too is a binger and does not fit the patterns of an alcoholic that are "typical"....sometimes, I wonder if there is a typical pattern of an alcoholic...especially after seeing and hearing what others have to say you know??

Just go to alanon, take it in and do me one favor..okay?? DO SOMETHING FOR YOU today okay???

Hang in there!! Everyone here cares!!!