sickatheart

I am new to this board so I quess you can say, I am reading all the threads and obtaining different points of view, knowledge and support.

My 18 yr old daughter is a Heroin addict and I am pretty much your classic enabler. I am definitely learning the hard way very slowly. My daughter does all of the classic lying and stealing and big time manipulating (she is the master manipulator of all minipulators). The problemis with me even though I caught her repeatedly stealing from me and hocking all of my jewelry right under my own eyes apart of me wanted to believe she wasn't always lying or that bad.

My older daughter is basically one step ahead and is always trying to wise me up to the things she would be pulling, such as text messaging addict B/F and dealers from our computer after we took her cell phone and the list goes on and on.

Our problem now that I know, without question the full extent of her addict behavior I don't want to continue enabling her, but she will be coming home soon from an inpatient detox center and her father and I definitely have to change the rules and set boundaries, if she is living in our house and that will be the case

We just went out and bought a 100 lb safe for all valueables car key cell phoes, etc. I am going to password protect the computer as well as the regular phone. Off of her bedroom is asliding glass door with a little balony from which she has been coming and going and bartering things and making deals for her drugs, as I sit downstairs watching tv and her father sleeps. I know shame on us. Now her father bolted the glass doors shut from the outside. I know you are supposed to let them go and make their own decisions, but my husband and I have to protect ourselves from financial ruin as well as we pray to god we will be protecting her from herself, possible future incarceration or death.

We feel this his her last chance and I pray to god she really wants it this time. I am in alot of pain and turmoil. The last 3 years have been a hell I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I am desperatly try ing to find hope in the threads of other recovering addicts and pray to god our daughter will find her way before it is to late for her.

Ann

I am the mother of an addict and have been where you are.

Before my son left home for the last time, I had found I had to lock up all valuables, hide medications, keep my checkbooks and bank cards in my purse and never let my purse out of my sight, including sleeping on it along with the car keys.

The last straw was when he stole a portable TV that he had stuffed in his backpack. It must have been heavy and yet it slipped by me unnoticed until a day or so later when I went to move it and it wasn't there.

It's not a pretty thing being the mother of an addict.

We each have to do what we have to do, and when the time comes that we can't do it anymore, we do something else.

I have no suggestions, but want to say that there is always hope, never forget that.

And know that my heart and my prayers go out to you, this will be a difficult time for you and your daughter.

Hugs

Taking5

A 100 lb safe isn't going to cut it especially if she had an addict BF to move it. Once moved it is not all that tough to open one, it will just take time. That sucker needs to be 400#.

Also, never put everything in a safe, there are "fake" safes out there that are actual working shaving cream cans, etc, where you unscrew the bottom and can stash cash or jewelry. These do not attract the attention of thieves. However if she is huffing this might be a bad idea.

I wouldn't even tell her you have a safe, but if she is going to find out, then tell her that the safe has RFID chip technology embedded in the metal, so the cops can track it if it is ever stolen. You don't actually have to buy this technology, just tell her you have it.

deedee

(((sickatheart)))

I feel so much pain in your words ... and I'm sorry you know this pain. You are right to protect your valuables and I truly hope and pray your daughter is ready to find a better path. I believe as long as there is life, there is hope, and I'll include you and your daughter in my prayers tonight

greeteachday

(((((Sickatheart))))
I know how horrible it feels to sleep with your purse hidden under you. I'm sorry you are going through this. Do what you have to do to protect you. I hope you have found some face to face meetings too - they help so much, especially during the most stressful times.

Praying for you and your daughter. Hugs

cece

What everyone else has said is what I am taking to heart. But I want to add a few more things. you are right in believing she's not ALL BAD, and thats why you keep wanting to trust her. But with believing she's not ALL BAD, it is better to lead with HOPE instead of TRUST right now. And be okay with that.HOPE is always okay. Also, I have found that I no longer think with the attitude that this might be my Addicted Son's last chance. when my son finally went to rehab. "This is his one chance" feelings and fears, put me back into Controlling mode too much. Well he relapsed, and I began to feel depair and started to give up on him. With Al-Anon Friends help I am trying to let it go and believe in God's time not mine. So again, I focus on HOPE that he will, with his Higher Power's help see there is a better way. But in the mean time i love him and work on me. my HOPE and prayers are with you as she comes home!

Elana

I cannot imagine gong through this.

I can only add that if I had to sleep with my wallet and my check book and I had to do all you and your husband have done, I would not let the person who triggered these reactions to live in my home.

I hope she is serious about recovery and all your efforts were not necessary. If she is not and your efforts were necessary, it is likely they won't work anyhow. Addiction and the desire to get high are stronger than any safe, dead bolt or password.

pjbs55

((Sickatheart))
I am also a mother of a heroin addict, and know the pain you are in. My son and his exgf did the same thing to me that your daughter did to you. I think they all do it.
I had to put security on my checking account so that no one can cash a check made to cash. I can not even make a deposit without giving my password, if someone comes in to cash a check and if the bank is not sure it was done by me they have to call me first.
It is the hardest thing in the world to live with, but you have to take care of you first, and believe that your daughters higher power will protect her and watch over her. I also pray that she will want to recover now, but only time will tell.
I am sorry if that last statement sounds harsh that is not what I want.
Please go to a face to face meeting. And know that we are here for you when you need us.
Hugs

rahsue

Hi, I too am the mother of a heroin addict, my 22 yr old son. He's done all your daughter has down and then some. He is on again off again recovery, right now I believe it's off again. He is even on the suboxone program! I don't know what made him use again, but thats one part of MY recovery that I learned, (it doesn't matter what starts them using) I haven't gone to a naranon or alanon meeting yet but I plan to tomorrow night. (I'll let you know how it turns out)

Any way, you're not alone, so read and learn here, knowledge is power.

sheisanaddict

My daughter is also a addict, her drug of choice right now is heroin, she had done crack and oxcyie. She is on a treatment plan using suboxone, she sells that at $20 a pill then buys her heroin. She had detox three times in the last 18 months. Last month was the last time, that lasted two weeks after she was discharged.
My husband and I have helped her with $$, she had a great job that she left in July hasn't worked since.She has taken $$ from us and her brother, swears she didn't take it
We asked her to leave our home two weeks ago. She has stopped by to walk her dog and pick up her mail.
I have started to attend Al anon meetings. The meetings are really helping me understand that I need to take care of me and the other members of my family.
Stay strong if your daughter doesn't follow your rules ask her to leave. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but we need to take care of ourselves too.
Be strong, let her know you love her but she needs to step up to the plate and start to take care of herself.
Keep reading the posts it really helps

mooselips

sickatheart,
Hugs to you. I agree, you need to protect the valuables you still have left.

My husband has a gun collection, so thankfully, we had alot of our "good" things stored inside a FORT KNOW safe, which weighs about 1600 pounds..and has a tumble lock system.

When my youngest AS asked us recently to cosign for a loan for a car, we refused. He couldn't understand why, since he is sober, and working full time. (not working a program though) My explanation to him, although I didn't HAVE to explain myself was, "It sure takes a long time to earn trust back, if ever." We did help him find a junker car to drive to work, and told him the money used was a LOAN, and he could pay us back when he's on his feet...we'll see if he offers to repay, it would be a pleasant surprise.

Thinking of you,

caileesnana

sorry for your pain, hang in there. Meetings do help, read the sticky's again and again. I gain something new each time I reread them.

Prayers for you,
susan:praying

havehope

Hugs from another mom who has been where you are. Yes, we locked everything up. My daughter stole from everyone in our home; even her little sister.
I pray that she is serious about her recovery. Be careful and stick to your boundries.
Terri