badlybroken

MY 2 kids and I and AH went to a kids (no alcohol) Haloween party last night. It was an hour drive, so AH opened up 2 cans of beer and put them in a regular cup with a lid and straw for the ride. (I was driving) I was shocked as he has never done anything like this before. He had already been drinking so he was just looking to continue his buzz until we got to the party. Pure maintnance drinking. I usually do not talk to AH at all while he is drinking, but since we were trapped in the car for an hour, I broached the subject.

He is a smart, educated guy and for the life of me I cannot understand how he can believe that he has no problem. It is not "normal" to bring a sippycup full of beer in the car. I know it is the "stinkin' thinkin'" that makes him believe this crap, but come on. All he continues to say is that he has everything under control and that he likes his life the way it is and he likes the taste of beer and that he is not stopping. He just wants me to accept him for who he is, faults and drinking and all. It is such a bunch of crap, but you all know how difficult it is to argue with and A. I am at my wits end here. Normally I am very good at blocking things out and detachment, but lately it is getting more difficult for me to just ignore things.

He is I think still in the early stages of the disease and continues to be highly functioning, albeit drinking heavily 6 days a week. I am just wondering if he will ever recognize the depths of his problem and seek help. He still denies that he drinks too much! So many A's here know that they have a problem and are currently trying to stay sober, get sober. And mine is so far away from even admitting there is a problem.

As I have said before, I know we need to separate, but I just can't. I think he is like an addiction that I have, but I can't figure out what the high is. Does anyone else feel that way?

wpgwoman

I feel like that every minute of every day of my life. I don't want to be in this relationship and my A is not even actively drinking on the most part. I feel like the life is being sucked out of me with every breathe I take. I look at him and all I feel is contempt. Yet, he is still here.

May I ask why you allowed him to have open liquor in the car especially when your children are in it. Is that not an offense in your state? I'm not pointing the finger at you by any means, but why not tell him to stay home if he finds it necessary to drink in the vehicle. Just a thought.

Barbara52

Ah yes, the old I enjoy it and don't have a problem bit. I heard tha all the time from my AH. Eventually I did what I had to for me and left since I could no longer live with it. He supposedly hasn't had a drink since I left 3 months ago. Of course he still says he doesn't have a problem and isn't in any sort of recovery program.

From what I understand of codependency, feeling like you have an addicition to your A is a pretty good way of putting it. So, the question is what are you doing to deal with your particular problems?

tollbooth

Just being in the presence of my daughter is intoxicating enough for me. Cant imagine why your AH would feel the need to catch more of a buzz than his own 2 kids should already be providing to him! (I am assuming they are both of yours, my apologies if thats not correct, but my reasoning remains the same regardless)

badlybroken

Yep, he is the father of both of our girls. What am I doing to help myself? Alanon, detachment, and of course praying. I am trying to accept things and praying for the day that I can't accept them anymore and I have enough guts to leave. Or if he leaves to "find someone who can accept him the way he is." Thanks for letting me vent- just that is worth sooo much!

denny57

I don't mean to minimize the agony of it, because I lived it. But, he has a problem, but is too addicted to do anything about it. You have a problem and by your own words are also too addicted to do anything about it. Understanding this helped me understand why AH could not change any more easily than I could. I had to be willing to change and until I was, nothing changed. Who am I to ask someone else to change when I will not do it myself?

kelsh

Badly Broken,

I was the alcoholic in my family and my husband abused alcohol some but could take it or leave it. We always took the kids on drives to different places in the country on Sunday mornings. I would plan a place to go and when to go so the store would be open so I could buy beer or wine. We both drank while driving...I drank twice as much. When I think back to that time now I feel shame for what I did and wanted in front of my family on these drives. Sometimes my husband would argue with me about this but I continued to do it until I left sober one time. There were so many twists & turns in my mind those days and certainly denial.

I have no advice. I have been sober 19 years and truly love my life. I am also getting treatment for my depression and have for the 19 years also. My counselor thought I was probably self-medicating my depression. I also was a high-functioning person and drank some nights and heavily on the weekends. The last four years of my drinking was everyday after I got home from work and on the weekends.

Good luck to you,

kelsh