More about Anger
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
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More about Anger
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
Dealing with Anger
"The most heated bit of letter-writing can be a wonderful safety valve," AA confounder Bill W. said, "providing the wastebasket is somewhere nearby."
This is a delightful bit of advice about the right way to handle anger. Writing an angry letter is at least a way of bringing our feelings out so that we can see them. This is far healthier than the peculiar method of "stuffing" one's feelings and pretending that there was no hurt or offense.
But an angry letter, once mailed, can be more destructive than a bullet. We may live to regret ever having mailed it. It could have unintended consequences of the worst kind.
That's why the wastebasket becomes the second handy way to deal with our anger. We throw the letter away and let time and wisdom heal the matter. What usually happens under the guidance of our Higher Power is that we find a much more satisfactory way of settling whatever has happened.
If I become angry today, I'll admit it to myself. Perhaps I'll even put my feelings on paper. But I'll have the good sense not to go further with such outbursts.
===
Gosh I wish I had learned this earlier!
~Cats
Dealing with Anger
"The most heated bit of letter-writing can be a wonderful safety valve," AA confounder Bill W. said, "providing the wastebasket is somewhere nearby."
This is a delightful bit of advice about the right way to handle anger. Writing an angry letter is at least a way of bringing our feelings out so that we can see them. This is far healthier than the peculiar method of "stuffing" one's feelings and pretending that there was no hurt or offense.
But an angry letter, once mailed, can be more destructive than a bullet. We may live to regret ever having mailed it. It could have unintended consequences of the worst kind.
That's why the wastebasket becomes the second handy way to deal with our anger. We throw the letter away and let time and wisdom heal the matter. What usually happens under the guidance of our Higher Power is that we find a much more satisfactory way of settling whatever has happened.
If I become angry today, I'll admit it to myself. Perhaps I'll even put my feelings on paper. But I'll have the good sense not to go further with such outbursts.
===
Gosh I wish I had learned this earlier!
~Cats
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Falling Waters, WV
Posts: 150
I am putting my request in for a dumpster!! I am not sure what it is lately, but I just have been so argry and have been letting the littlest things bother me. As a matter of fact...just last night...my mother in law called to find out of we received invitations to a 50th anniversary for my husbands Aunt and Uncle. I told her that we hadn't gotten anything..she proceeded to tell me when it was and where it was...I honestly don't know what happened but I let loose. I told her that this family is so unorganized when it comes to planning stuff, for the most part they leave the important people off the list and then expect them to drop everything that they are doing to attend...well...i ended up tossing my husband the phone before I said something that i knew I would later regret. His side of the family is so dysfunctional it isn't even funny. When you throw a party that includes his side of the family, you have to watch you invite or someone will complain about it. My gosh, we are all flipping adults..and..if you dont like who is coming to a party..stall the hell home or act like a grown up and avoid that person at the party!! Sorry, just venting...I went through all of this when I was planning my daughters Sweet 16..and..it just makes me sick!!
Big dumpster please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Big dumpster please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I journaled my anger, then kept the journal to remind me WHY I could not let my son live at home, and WHY I needed to go to meetings and work on my recovery.
That served a purpose for a year or so, but I remember the relief when I finally threw the darned thing away.
I still keep a journal, but today it is filled with the good things in my life and I keep it to remind me WHY I am grateful to be in the good place I am in today.
Great post, Cats, I think we all have a great deal of anger at one point or another when dealing with addiction, and writing it out is very therapeutic and helpful...and not mailing it is wise.
Hugs
That served a purpose for a year or so, but I remember the relief when I finally threw the darned thing away.
I still keep a journal, but today it is filled with the good things in my life and I keep it to remind me WHY I am grateful to be in the good place I am in today.
Great post, Cats, I think we all have a great deal of anger at one point or another when dealing with addiction, and writing it out is very therapeutic and helpful...and not mailing it is wise.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
I had issues with journals.
I still have issues with journals. The only time my journals reveal growth or change is when I give myself permission to change.
For so long they have been filled with horrible feelings of despair and worthlessness.
I use to think and still do to some degree - that writing an angry letter just put my feelings out in plain view for me and then I had to DO something about it.
I still have issues with journals. The only time my journals reveal growth or change is when I give myself permission to change.
For so long they have been filled with horrible feelings of despair and worthlessness.
I use to think and still do to some degree - that writing an angry letter just put my feelings out in plain view for me and then I had to DO something about it.
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
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Heather,
I had issues about journals too, but it was because my ex husband found them, read them and used the information against me. He exposed many of my inner most thoughtst and fears to our church and "friends" more than once. That feeling of being violated was incredibly painful and powerful... and it has taken me a long time to get over it. It took a LONG time for me to feel safe/comfortable journaling again... even when I lived alone!
I've started again, and I find it helpful and healing. Progress, not perfection.. right?
Cats.
I had issues about journals too, but it was because my ex husband found them, read them and used the information against me. He exposed many of my inner most thoughtst and fears to our church and "friends" more than once. That feeling of being violated was incredibly painful and powerful... and it has taken me a long time to get over it. It took a LONG time for me to feel safe/comfortable journaling again... even when I lived alone!
I've started again, and I find it helpful and healing. Progress, not perfection.. right?
Cats.
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Still working on the anger thing here. Somedays I let it go but then somedays I take it back again. *sigh*
Well, that is an improvement because I do let it go somedays. It has been awhile to do even that.
And the days I let it go I know.. I KNOW.. that I really do not have to deal with it.
In the book, Lonesome Dove (Larry McMurtry), there is apoint where Blue Duck, the Renegade, has escaped but not before killing a lot of people. Gus says to a young man who wants to get revenge for the killings:
"Son, this is a sad thing. Loss of life always is. But the life is lost for good. Don't go attempting vengence. You've got more urgent business. If I ever run into Blue Duck I will kill him. But if I don't, somebody else will. He's big and mean, but sooner or later he'll meet somebody bigger and meaner. Or a snake will bite him or a horse will fall on him, or he'll get hung, or one of his renegades will shoot him in the back. Or he'll just get old and die."
When I let go of the anger I recall these words. I do not need to continue to be angry because time will eventually fix the thing. I do not have to fix the thing. I do not have to act on my anger. Time will deal with it. I have more urgent business (living my life and having a good life).
The loss I have suffered is a sad thing, but I am alive. I am not addicted. I am taking care of me. I am OK.
And as I recall those words from that book and think about it I can feel my anger go on over to a place where time will fix the thing. It is not my job. It is time's job. My HP's job. Holding my anger, wishing ill and all the rest is truly not in my job description.
Well, that is an improvement because I do let it go somedays. It has been awhile to do even that.
And the days I let it go I know.. I KNOW.. that I really do not have to deal with it.
In the book, Lonesome Dove (Larry McMurtry), there is apoint where Blue Duck, the Renegade, has escaped but not before killing a lot of people. Gus says to a young man who wants to get revenge for the killings:
"Son, this is a sad thing. Loss of life always is. But the life is lost for good. Don't go attempting vengence. You've got more urgent business. If I ever run into Blue Duck I will kill him. But if I don't, somebody else will. He's big and mean, but sooner or later he'll meet somebody bigger and meaner. Or a snake will bite him or a horse will fall on him, or he'll get hung, or one of his renegades will shoot him in the back. Or he'll just get old and die."
When I let go of the anger I recall these words. I do not need to continue to be angry because time will eventually fix the thing. I do not have to fix the thing. I do not have to act on my anger. Time will deal with it. I have more urgent business (living my life and having a good life).
The loss I have suffered is a sad thing, but I am alive. I am not addicted. I am taking care of me. I am OK.
And as I recall those words from that book and think about it I can feel my anger go on over to a place where time will fix the thing. It is not my job. It is time's job. My HP's job. Holding my anger, wishing ill and all the rest is truly not in my job description.
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
I used to write to my exah a lot, mostly because I thought he would hear me that way (NOT!). I never could get a complete thought out face to face with him.
In the beginning the letters were pleas for his attention or love or whatever. That changed over the years, though. I have written many an angry letter, too. A few I gave him, most I didn't. But it always helps me to write.
In the beginning the letters were pleas for his attention or love or whatever. That changed over the years, though. I have written many an angry letter, too. A few I gave him, most I didn't. But it always helps me to write.
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Join Date: Mar 2006
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I've done the angry letter and toss it and it is helpful. I'm a stuffer...I stuff so long I sometimes blow....stuffing all over the place! So the angry letter exercise helps me get the feelings out and then move on.
In this world of technology, I think email can be an issue in anger. I have a rule at work with staff....If they are responding to an email that strikes a nerve, they have to save the response in draft form for 24 hours. Sometimes, even when they think the words are filtered, they have some sting and 24 hours gives time for emotions to settle. Often the response ends up in the email trash folder.
In this world of technology, I think email can be an issue in anger. I have a rule at work with staff....If they are responding to an email that strikes a nerve, they have to save the response in draft form for 24 hours. Sometimes, even when they think the words are filtered, they have some sting and 24 hours gives time for emotions to settle. Often the response ends up in the email trash folder.
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