Lilyflower
Recovering Codependant
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Lilyflower
Hello,
I'm new to soberrecovery. I am not myself an addict, but my partner is an alcoholic and still drinking, although he says he wants to stop. I guess I'd just like to chat to someone who can give me an understanding of what he is going through each day.
I feel as though I am supportive of him, I don't complain to him when he drinks, only when his drinking affects mine and my daughters life. Admittedly this is becoming more often. I sometimes feel as though I can be strong and sort out the financial mess he is creating for us, then at other times I get so tired of having to 'sort out the mess', I don't feel as if I'm strong enough to keep doing this. The scary thing is I don't even know how long will this go on for? Will I ever have a supportive partner who can help share the burden of life's responsibilities?
I don't have anyone to talk to about this. My partner admitted he had a problem roughly 9 months after his mother passed away from kidney/liver problems related to her drinking. He has made me promise not to tell anyone. His sisters are becoming ever more distant from me, I feel as though they believe their brother is a victim of my attitude. I have confided in my mum, although I do not want to keep going to her as this is a burden she should not have to carry.
I suppose my biggest reason for being here is reassurance, understanding and advice. I love my partner with all my heart but seriously I feel this illness is killing off my love.
Thanks for being patient xxxx
I'm new to soberrecovery. I am not myself an addict, but my partner is an alcoholic and still drinking, although he says he wants to stop. I guess I'd just like to chat to someone who can give me an understanding of what he is going through each day.
I feel as though I am supportive of him, I don't complain to him when he drinks, only when his drinking affects mine and my daughters life. Admittedly this is becoming more often. I sometimes feel as though I can be strong and sort out the financial mess he is creating for us, then at other times I get so tired of having to 'sort out the mess', I don't feel as if I'm strong enough to keep doing this. The scary thing is I don't even know how long will this go on for? Will I ever have a supportive partner who can help share the burden of life's responsibilities?
I don't have anyone to talk to about this. My partner admitted he had a problem roughly 9 months after his mother passed away from kidney/liver problems related to her drinking. He has made me promise not to tell anyone. His sisters are becoming ever more distant from me, I feel as though they believe their brother is a victim of my attitude. I have confided in my mum, although I do not want to keep going to her as this is a burden she should not have to carry.
I suppose my biggest reason for being here is reassurance, understanding and advice. I love my partner with all my heart but seriously I feel this illness is killing off my love.
Thanks for being patient xxxx
Recovering Codependant
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Your right, I know he has to decide to quit... and he has done. I think the longest he lasted for was a week, but then something always seems to happen or nothing happens and he drinks again.
Each time I get upset and deflated he comforts me and asks me not to give up on him. It's just that when he does drink excessively he turns into the nastiest most spiteful person I have ever met. Then when sober he's the best person in the world!
Its emotionally draining, I've been on anti depressants for a year myself and I feel that I've got my life back on its feet. I guess sometimes I get frustrated that he cannot do the same.
Each time I get upset and deflated he comforts me and asks me not to give up on him. It's just that when he does drink excessively he turns into the nastiest most spiteful person I have ever met. Then when sober he's the best person in the world!
Its emotionally draining, I've been on anti depressants for a year myself and I feel that I've got my life back on its feet. I guess sometimes I get frustrated that he cannot do the same.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR!
I'm sorry for your situation, but stick around 'cause there are a lot of people who are dealing with similar situations. You may also want to check out the Friends & Family Forum.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm sorry for your situation, but stick around 'cause there are a lot of people who are dealing with similar situations. You may also want to check out the Friends & Family Forum.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
You may find more folks with experiences like yours in the Friends and Family forum.
I am an alcoholic in recovery, so I am not really qualified to speak about your issues.
I wish you the best,
Ted
I am an alcoholic in recovery, so I am not really qualified to speak about your issues.
I wish you the best,
Ted
Recovering Codependant
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Cheers guys! I'll have a look see. It's very inspiring to see so many people who are managing their problems and moving on with life. Good luck to you n keep strong xxx
I'm a Pickle
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 300
I think you are a very good wife for sticking with him. I hope he is not hurting you physically when he is drinking? If he is, that is definitely NOT okay, no matter what the excuse... I wish I had some advice to give you.....
Recovering Codependant
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
In answer to Wiscgirl30, no its not gone that far. Majority of the time he's a happy drunk who just wants you to dance with him before he passes out. Occasionally he can get agressive but it usually comes down to mind games and shouting. The next morning he doesn't remember and I usually have to explain to him why i'm upset with him. As for the mind games, they used to have a big impact on me, but i've got alot better at protecting myself against his onslaughts. Now I tell him he's wrong and I don't let the words into my heart.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: germany
Posts: 8
what you have written sounds exatly what my ex wife had to go through with me.
i would start out ok but became a real ass hole when i had to many and many mornings would wake up and have her explain to me what i had done or said and how upset she was and it broke my heart - in my case i had no intention of ever hurting her (i never hit her or anything) with things i would say or do but for some reason you hit a limit with alcohol and these things just happen and you have no control over hit.
strangely the reason we split is that i gave up drinking for the sake of our marriage but she liked to have a drink and a night out and that just wouldnt work for me.
so i hope your partner can stop and having a partner who can support him will make the world of difference
i wish you both all the luck
hari
i would start out ok but became a real ass hole when i had to many and many mornings would wake up and have her explain to me what i had done or said and how upset she was and it broke my heart - in my case i had no intention of ever hurting her (i never hit her or anything) with things i would say or do but for some reason you hit a limit with alcohol and these things just happen and you have no control over hit.
strangely the reason we split is that i gave up drinking for the sake of our marriage but she liked to have a drink and a night out and that just wouldnt work for me.
so i hope your partner can stop and having a partner who can support him will make the world of difference
i wish you both all the luck
hari
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