He is drinking again
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Join Date: Jul 2007
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He is drinking again
Blah bla bla bla bla, bla bla bla. Blaah, bla blahh, bla bla bla blah. Blah bla bla blaah bla? Blaah bla bla bla blah bla blah. Blaah blahh bla blah bla blah. Blah bla bla bla blah! Bla bla blah bla blah, "Blah! Bla blah bla blah!", bla bla blah bla? Bla bla blah!! Blah!!!!! Bla, bla bla blah blah bla blahhhhhhh.
The details don't really matter, the story is always the same.
And yes, I have a plan. Still sucks.
The details don't really matter, the story is always the same.
And yes, I have a plan. Still sucks.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
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The stories really are all the same aren't they?
The variables are: how much he's drinking, how often he's drinking, how much it's effecting his job, how much it's effecting our family, how much it's effecting our children, his health, his lies, his screwed up thinking and sequential verbal diatribe (that rarely changes)
The only constant is heartache. Oh, and the fact that he won't stop drinking, that is also a constant.
Until I make a change, both of these constants will go hand in hand. My soul is married to his bottle.
Our vows should have read:
"Do you, Codie, promise to resent his drinking, waste precious years of your life while he drinks and continue to stay with him?" I do.
"Do you, Alcoholic, promise to drink, no matter how many times your wife guilts you into rehab?" I do.
Oh well, no more self-pity today. I have better things to do. Like look forward to the day when I don't have to see another water bottle filled with vodka. Oh that will be sweet.
The variables are: how much he's drinking, how often he's drinking, how much it's effecting his job, how much it's effecting our family, how much it's effecting our children, his health, his lies, his screwed up thinking and sequential verbal diatribe (that rarely changes)
The only constant is heartache. Oh, and the fact that he won't stop drinking, that is also a constant.
Until I make a change, both of these constants will go hand in hand. My soul is married to his bottle.
Our vows should have read:
"Do you, Codie, promise to resent his drinking, waste precious years of your life while he drinks and continue to stay with him?" I do.
"Do you, Alcoholic, promise to drink, no matter how many times your wife guilts you into rehab?" I do.
Oh well, no more self-pity today. I have better things to do. Like look forward to the day when I don't have to see another water bottle filled with vodka. Oh that will be sweet.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
Like look forward to the day when I don't have to see another water bottle filled with vodka. Oh that will be sweet.
Things I don't miss:
- Packing cans of "boat beer" before every trip out in the boat (even a 5 minute trip to lunch).
- Leaving one bar and knowing in five minutes we'd be going in another.
- Waiting for the inevitable "blame game" once he was drunk and unable to navigate under his own steam.
- Propping him up walking him back to the houseboat or wherever we were staying.
- The sick feeling when I'd get a drunken phone call.
- The sick feeling when he'd say "we're going down to Key West"
- The sick feeling when he'd say "the girls got naked and busy"
- The sick feeling when he'd say "I just went to dinner with her, no big deal"
- The sick feeling when he'd say "I would have gone to Ft. Lauderdale with Charles Manson to see Camelot" when he went with the XGF.
- The sick feeling when ...
There were too many sick feelings.
Please look forward to the days of peace! The quiet! The calm after the storm! Sure there are downsides, but peace and calm never killed anyone. Chaos and stress do.
Things I don't miss:
- Packing cans of "boat beer" before every trip out in the boat (even a 5 minute trip to lunch).
- Leaving one bar and knowing in five minutes we'd be going in another.
- Waiting for the inevitable "blame game" once he was drunk and unable to navigate under his own steam.
- Propping him up walking him back to the houseboat or wherever we were staying.
- The sick feeling when I'd get a drunken phone call.
- The sick feeling when he'd say "we're going down to Key West"
- The sick feeling when he'd say "the girls got naked and busy"
- The sick feeling when he'd say "I just went to dinner with her, no big deal"
- The sick feeling when he'd say "I would have gone to Ft. Lauderdale with Charles Manson to see Camelot" when he went with the XGF.
- The sick feeling when ...
There were too many sick feelings.
Please look forward to the days of peace! The quiet! The calm after the storm! Sure there are downsides, but peace and calm never killed anyone. Chaos and stress do.
Recovering Nicely
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
Originally Posted by respektingme 
The stories really are all the same aren't they?
The variables are: how much he's drinking, how often he's drinking, how much it's effecting his job, how much it's effecting our family, how much it's effecting our children, his health, his lies, his screwed up thinking and sequential verbal diatribe (that rarely changes)
The only constant is heartache. Oh, and the fact that he won't stop drinking, that is also a constant.
Until I make a change, both of these constants will go hand in hand. My soul is married to his bottle.
Our vows should have read:
"Do you, Codie, promise to resent his drinking, waste precious years of your life while he drinks and continue to stay with him?" I do.
"Do you, Alcoholic, promise to drink, no matter how many times your wife guilts you into rehab?" I do.
Oh well, no more self-pity today. I have better things to do. Like look forward to the day when I don't have to see another water bottle filled with vodka. Oh that will be sweet.
The variables are: how much he's drinking, how often he's drinking, how much it's effecting his job, how much it's effecting our family, how much it's effecting our children, his health, his lies, his screwed up thinking and sequential verbal diatribe (that rarely changes)
The only constant is heartache. Oh, and the fact that he won't stop drinking, that is also a constant.
Until I make a change, both of these constants will go hand in hand. My soul is married to his bottle.
Our vows should have read:
"Do you, Codie, promise to resent his drinking, waste precious years of your life while he drinks and continue to stay with him?" I do.
"Do you, Alcoholic, promise to drink, no matter how many times your wife guilts you into rehab?" I do.
Oh well, no more self-pity today. I have better things to do. Like look forward to the day when I don't have to see another water bottle filled with vodka. Oh that will be sweet.
Hang in there!Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
I am sorry. I am with CB brown on all of those sick feelings.
:boat I think it is an important time to keep the sick feelings on a paper taped to your head, and do work on a plan to move closer to safety!! I like the blah blah blahs... makes me think you are getting sick and tired of sick and tired world.
:boat I think it is an important time to keep the sick feelings on a paper taped to your head, and do work on a plan to move closer to safety!! I like the blah blah blahs... makes me think you are getting sick and tired of sick and tired world.
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You know, part of the problem with leaving, is wondering what will happen in court. I know codies want to control the world, but the bottom line is that I know his disease will progress. So, when he has kids, eventually they will be with him if we're divorced, and see him stumbling drunk. Or he may drive with them while he's drunk. Or he may be passed out while they wind up doing something that would hurt them. I mean, just because I'm currently married to an alcoholic, that doesn't mean I approve of my children not being supervised. Things like this weigh heavy on my mind.
Anyway, for the moment I am cleaning the house and making sure there is NO cleaning for that asslip to do tomorrow morning, or laundry. And I'm taking the kids out for dinner, so there won't be any dishes to do. Wonder what he'll figure out to do tomorrow morning to justify his drinking tomorrow night. He's been so productive on the weekends lately. This ought to be fun. I think I'll set my alarm for 5am and make a 4-course breakfast. *yawn* "Time to eat everybody!! DH, I can't believe you slept in so late! The kids were starving!"
Anyway, for the moment I am cleaning the house and making sure there is NO cleaning for that asslip to do tomorrow morning, or laundry. And I'm taking the kids out for dinner, so there won't be any dishes to do. Wonder what he'll figure out to do tomorrow morning to justify his drinking tomorrow night. He's been so productive on the weekends lately. This ought to be fun. I think I'll set my alarm for 5am and make a 4-course breakfast. *yawn* "Time to eat everybody!! DH, I can't believe you slept in so late! The kids were starving!"
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by respektingme
Our vows should have read:
"Do you, Codie, promise to resent his drinking, waste precious years of your life while he drinks and continue to stay with him?" I do
If I may add my rendition, "And do you alcoholic, promise to lie, not come home at night, lie some more, secretly binge, manipulate your partner, and lie and deceive some more." I sure as heck do.
Sorry, just had to share. I am having my own pity party today.
The more I read phrases like these, the stronger it makes me feel. The anger I feel at myself for allowing these behaviors in my life for so long is the fuel I need to start making positive changes.
Stay strong, one day we are all going to get to that healthy place, when the time is right.
Wpg
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sunny Fla
Posts: 112
Originally Posted by respektingme
You know, part of the problem with leaving, is wondering what will happen in court. I know codies want to control the world, but the bottom line is that I know his disease will progress. So, when he has kids, eventually they will be with him if we're divorced, and see him stumbling drunk. Or he may drive with them while he's drunk. Or he may be passed out while they wind up doing something that would hurt them. I mean, just because I'm currently married to an alcoholic, that doesn't mean I approve of my children not being supervised. Things like this weigh heavy on my mind.
This is so true. This is why many of us stay with our addicts. I know my AH loves our kids, but not as much as loves and needs his buzz.
I am living with the same blah, blah, blah as you right now, the circle is the same for him every time. The biggest difference is that now, this time around I am here and have a program of my own to work. I feel so much more in control of my own outcome this time around.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
Posts: 481
oh man, that is good
"And do you alcoholic, promise to lie, not come home at night, lie some more, secretly binge, manipulate your partner, and lie and deceive some more." I sure as heck do."
Oh man, I am tempted to break "no contact" and email the following:
Dear R,
Just curious, when you take your upcoming vows with G, please amend the ones you said to me on June 23 to the following: "I, R, promise to lie, not come home at night, lie some more, secretly binge, manipulate my partner, and lie and deceive some more."
I think they would be more accurate than the ones you said to me. By the way, last time I checked bigamy is still a crime in Florida.
Claudia
Oh man, I am tempted to break "no contact" and email the following:
Dear R,
Just curious, when you take your upcoming vows with G, please amend the ones you said to me on June 23 to the following: "I, R, promise to lie, not come home at night, lie some more, secretly binge, manipulate my partner, and lie and deceive some more."
I think they would be more accurate than the ones you said to me. By the way, last time I checked bigamy is still a crime in Florida.
Claudia
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Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by Denoraphy
This is so true. This is why many of us stay with our addicts. I know my AH loves our kids, but not as much as loves and needs his buzz.
L
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
My kids are 10 & 7. Even another 3-5 years would make it easier I think. Then my son could watch over his sister when they were with him. But hellfire, they are my world. It's my job to protect them. I can't imagine watching them drive off in the back of his car, waving to them and knowing AH will be stoned drunk while they are with him.
Anyway, the kids and I are leaving next Friday for 10 days. We're going to be with my family, 3k miles away, having a good time. And he'll be here having a party with himself, lol. I think I'm going to buy some margarita mix and make myself one tonight. That is one thing I told myself I would do if he started drinking again. I haven't had a Margarita since March. I never drink because it might tempt him. But like someone else said, why punish myself when he's active. Me abstaining it effecting him one bit!
Anyway, the kids and I are leaving next Friday for 10 days. We're going to be with my family, 3k miles away, having a good time. And he'll be here having a party with himself, lol. I think I'm going to buy some margarita mix and make myself one tonight. That is one thing I told myself I would do if he started drinking again. I haven't had a Margarita since March. I never drink because it might tempt him. But like someone else said, why punish myself when he's active. Me abstaining it effecting him one bit!
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
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Sorry to hear that, rm, although I have a feeling that you knew it anyway. Just as it's hard for a drinker to hide when they are active, I do believe that is also hard to hide that they are in recovery. Unfortunately, a lot of us don't have that template against which to measure behaviour.
That is a valid concern and the reason why it is important to gather as much legal information as you can. Also, to treat the divorce as a a legal division of assets and deal with the emotional aspects of the seperation with a therapist. No point trying to resolve hurt feelings with someone not qualified and at attorney's hourly rates!
You know, as soon as things turn ugly when it comes to splitting up (or there is the fear that it may do so), I suspect that whatever love that was there has gone. Love is enduring and can survive a break-up, albeit in a different form. When my non-A ex broke up with me after 10 years, he showed me through his actions that, whilst he no longer wanted to be my partner, he still loved me as a friend. And I showed him that, whilst I didn't want us to split up, I respected his decision. We owned a house together and as he was earning much more than me, he continued to pay half of the mortgage until I got my bonus which allowed me to buy him out (although the property was rising in value, so it wasn't entirely altruistic!). He was also extremely generous by leaving me a lot of furniture we had purchased together and even sent me money to cover the cost of cat food! he is still a really good friend more than 6 years on, even though he has since married and had a child. He is on my "people I can call at 3 in the morning if I am in the $hit" list. We still love each other, but now in a way that entirely unromantic and strictly platonic.
Of course, with my A ex, it was entirely different. He did everything he could to make my life difficult, whilst professing how much he loved me. I acted in accordance with my values and in the vein of the previous break-up which means that I can live with myself today, however did mean that I laid myself open to repercussions both emotional and financial.
I know this is perhaps irrelevant, though I hope it has been of some help. It was cathartic for me, so thank you for giving me the opportunity!
Originally Posted by respektingme
You know, part of the problem with leaving, is wondering what will happen in court.
You know, as soon as things turn ugly when it comes to splitting up (or there is the fear that it may do so), I suspect that whatever love that was there has gone. Love is enduring and can survive a break-up, albeit in a different form. When my non-A ex broke up with me after 10 years, he showed me through his actions that, whilst he no longer wanted to be my partner, he still loved me as a friend. And I showed him that, whilst I didn't want us to split up, I respected his decision. We owned a house together and as he was earning much more than me, he continued to pay half of the mortgage until I got my bonus which allowed me to buy him out (although the property was rising in value, so it wasn't entirely altruistic!). He was also extremely generous by leaving me a lot of furniture we had purchased together and even sent me money to cover the cost of cat food! he is still a really good friend more than 6 years on, even though he has since married and had a child. He is on my "people I can call at 3 in the morning if I am in the $hit" list. We still love each other, but now in a way that entirely unromantic and strictly platonic.
Of course, with my A ex, it was entirely different. He did everything he could to make my life difficult, whilst professing how much he loved me. I acted in accordance with my values and in the vein of the previous break-up which means that I can live with myself today, however did mean that I laid myself open to repercussions both emotional and financial.
I know this is perhaps irrelevant, though I hope it has been of some help. It was cathartic for me, so thank you for giving me the opportunity!
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Join Date: Jun 2007
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Originally Posted by respektingme
You know, part of the problem with leaving, is wondering what will happen in court. I know codies want to control the world, but the bottom line is that I know his disease will progress. So, when he has kids, eventually they will be with him if we're divorced, and see him stumbling drunk. Or he may drive with them while he's drunk. Or he may be passed out while they wind up doing something that would hurt them. I mean, just because I'm currently married to an alcoholic, that doesn't mean I approve of my children not being supervised. Things like this weigh heavy on my mind.
That's when you ask for or demand SUPERVISED VISITATION. That's what I had to do and get set up...and wanna know the best part.....he only exercised it like twice in my baby's whole life!!!! LOSERS
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Just because I ask for it, doesn't mean I'd get it. He has no history of legal ramifications from drinking. I have notes and lots of them. But I do believe he'd fight me, so there are no guarantees. I sure would give it my best shot though. Absolutely.
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In my case he agreed not to drink when the kids were there. And he actually stuck to it. They were only allowed over there a few hours in the afternoon, no overnight visits while he was drinking. My children were 12 and 8 when we split up. They also knew they could call me to come and get them any time they didn't want to be there for any reason. Once everything was out in the open and I started working on myself, got the kids into counseling, he really had no choice but to face his own denial. Not saying that would happen in your case, but you really never know what the future holds. Basing today's actions on imaginary 'what if' scenarios always kept me stuck.
L
L
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I've just realised why I wrote all of the up there. Apart from giving an example of a healthy break-up, it was a reminder to all of us of the difference between words and actions and that if we say we are staying for love, yet we fear the repercussions of the break-up, then it is that fear that is guiding our decisions. Many times that is a legitimate fear, however I believe that we need to focus on ways to work around the issue that is causing fear, rather than tying ourselves in knots over the love angle which is something I see many times on these boards.
RM, it sickens me that courts do not take excessive drinking more seriously when it comes to kids. I really don't know how to resolve that issue beyond crossing fingers, which seems primitive in this day and age. LTD makes very good points about making your kids aware of boundaries and ensuring they have the means to be extracted from the situation. That seems the most sensible way to go.
RM, it sickens me that courts do not take excessive drinking more seriously when it comes to kids. I really don't know how to resolve that issue beyond crossing fingers, which seems primitive in this day and age. LTD makes very good points about making your kids aware of boundaries and ensuring they have the means to be extracted from the situation. That seems the most sensible way to go.
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