Arguments, ultimatiums and stress.
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: England
Posts: 357
Arguments, ultimatiums and stress.
Well, I'm feeling great. Just got an ultimatium off my husband - if I am not better in 3 months, he is moving us.
That means him leaving his job (the job he is only starting in a week), leaving the 6 meetings I am comfortable with, leaving a house in which my OCD is managable (can't drink the water or use and crockery or cutlery in the other house) and leaving my GP, pyschiartist and occupational therapist. Its taken me 8 years to get to see a pyschiatrist and he will move me before I even get my diagnosis.
I'm not sure what to do. How can I recover from over 8 years of mental illness (alcoholism, over-eating, self-harming, depression, anxiety, OCD and possibly post traumatic stress disorder) in 3 months?
That means him leaving his job (the job he is only starting in a week), leaving the 6 meetings I am comfortable with, leaving a house in which my OCD is managable (can't drink the water or use and crockery or cutlery in the other house) and leaving my GP, pyschiartist and occupational therapist. Its taken me 8 years to get to see a pyschiatrist and he will move me before I even get my diagnosis.
I'm not sure what to do. How can I recover from over 8 years of mental illness (alcoholism, over-eating, self-harming, depression, anxiety, OCD and possibly post traumatic stress disorder) in 3 months?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
one day at a time...
nobody knows the future, nobody can guarantee any outcome but, if you start each day with renewed comittment to recovery, do each next right thing, when that future arrives, you will be ready.
try to stay in the day..
nobody knows the future, nobody can guarantee any outcome but, if you start each day with renewed comittment to recovery, do each next right thing, when that future arrives, you will be ready.
try to stay in the day..
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: England
Posts: 357
We moved to our current home two and a half years ago. I've continued to deteriorate in that time - mainly due to there being big waiting lists for therapy and diagnosis.
We still own the home we used to live in. We only lived there for 6 months, but he seems to have this rose-tinted idea that I was happy there. There is closer to his family and to mine, but not close enough that I can pop round to see them. My family all work full time anyway. I wasn't totally happy when I was there - I still had underlying issues, and I was drinking alcoholicly then.
He thinks that I'm getting iller as I'm isolated down here. I talk to my Mum on the phone several times a week and I have started to make new friends at the AA meetings. I'd be no less isolated if we moved.
He is saying that he can't cope and that he needs the support of family. If we move, we will be about 15 miles away from his family and about 30 miles away from my family. How will they be able to support us?
I don't really understand why he thinks moving will make me better. Then again, he thinks that if I get a job and stop using forums on the internet I'll get better.
I don't know what to do. How can I tell if my thinking is skewwed? Personally, I want to stay here - here feels like 'home' and I am making progress - I've been sober for 10 months in this house.
Moving would also mean damage to his career and a taking a huge paycut - we'd earn less than half what we earn now.
I don't know what to do :-/
We still own the home we used to live in. We only lived there for 6 months, but he seems to have this rose-tinted idea that I was happy there. There is closer to his family and to mine, but not close enough that I can pop round to see them. My family all work full time anyway. I wasn't totally happy when I was there - I still had underlying issues, and I was drinking alcoholicly then.
He thinks that I'm getting iller as I'm isolated down here. I talk to my Mum on the phone several times a week and I have started to make new friends at the AA meetings. I'd be no less isolated if we moved.
He is saying that he can't cope and that he needs the support of family. If we move, we will be about 15 miles away from his family and about 30 miles away from my family. How will they be able to support us?
I don't really understand why he thinks moving will make me better. Then again, he thinks that if I get a job and stop using forums on the internet I'll get better.
I don't know what to do. How can I tell if my thinking is skewwed? Personally, I want to stay here - here feels like 'home' and I am making progress - I've been sober for 10 months in this house.
Moving would also mean damage to his career and a taking a huge paycut - we'd earn less than half what we earn now.
I don't know what to do :-/
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: England
Posts: 357
Is it wise to stay in the day when there is such a huge big question over my future?
I can't live in the day if I need to decide wether to move with my husband, stay here on my own (I'd have to move out to a room in a shared house - I can't work right now) or to take a break from him and go and stay with my parents.
Do I just avoid thinking about it, and hope that HP sorts it out? Not doing anything isn't exactly leaving it to HP though is it, its leaving it to my Husband who doesn't understand addiction or mental illness.
I can't live in the day if I need to decide wether to move with my husband, stay here on my own (I'd have to move out to a room in a shared house - I can't work right now) or to take a break from him and go and stay with my parents.
Do I just avoid thinking about it, and hope that HP sorts it out? Not doing anything isn't exactly leaving it to HP though is it, its leaving it to my Husband who doesn't understand addiction or mental illness.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
I also believe in staying in the day. 3 months is close, yes, but you can still keep the focus on your recovery, and continue to work at getting well. A lot can happen in 3 months. Worrying about what may be really isn't helpful. As time draws nearer, you should have a better idea of whether the move will or will not happen, and can plan accordingly.
And if you're comfortable, why not pray for help? Just keep it simple, and ask your HP to guide you.
And if you're comfortable, why not pray for help? Just keep it simple, and ask your HP to guide you.
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: England
Posts: 357
I'm going to continue to focus on getting well, but 3 months is totally unrealistic, and now I feel under huge pressure. A lot can happen in 3 months, but I cannot recover in 3 months.
We have to give 2 months notice on the house, so either he has to decide in less than a month, or we loose a months salary.
I've got an emergency doctors appointment. I had one last week, and she prescribed something to get me through the week. I'm going to tell her that I think the bottom is going to fall out and ask her what to do. I've done a chart of the pros and cons of each option, and I'm going to write a letter to my husband explaining how I feel.
I'm finding things incredibly difficult as it is, and I really, really don't think I could cope with moving. I just don't think I could do it.
It probably sounds selfish, but if OH doesn't change his mind, I think I've got no choice but to leave him
We have to give 2 months notice on the house, so either he has to decide in less than a month, or we loose a months salary.
I've got an emergency doctors appointment. I had one last week, and she prescribed something to get me through the week. I'm going to tell her that I think the bottom is going to fall out and ask her what to do. I've done a chart of the pros and cons of each option, and I'm going to write a letter to my husband explaining how I feel.
I'm finding things incredibly difficult as it is, and I really, really don't think I could cope with moving. I just don't think I could do it.
It probably sounds selfish, but if OH doesn't change his mind, I think I've got no choice but to leave him
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Hi Odaat - I don't think you need to do anything other than try your best to remain in the moment. Like everyone else said, just concentrate on your recovery, and only HP knows what doors are going to open for you in the next three months...trusting your HP and avoiding thinking about a problem are two different things... trusting means when the thought enters your head, saying to yourself, I am doing everything I can to reach my goals in this situation, HP, I need your help here to get where I want to go. Avoiding is worrying and trying to stop thoughts, etc. Now, I can freely give this advice because worry is a problem I deal with too, and so, I know I am supposed to be thinking this way, but I also know how hard it is!
SO, do as I say, not as I do, I guess, but the few times I have managed this type of approach, it really worked out well.
I'll ask my HP to send good things your way. Hugs!
SO, do as I say, not as I do, I guess, but the few times I have managed this type of approach, it really worked out well.
I'll ask my HP to send good things your way. Hugs!
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: England
Posts: 357
I've tried very, very hard not to worry. I'm taking medication to try and stop me worrying, but it doesn't work. I'm already taking twice my prescribed dose, and I'm still feeling like I'm going to die. I can't not worry, I don't think that is possible.
I'm just wondering if it is worth bothering with recovery, when my actions don't seem to matter. Its all out of my hands, so why bother not drinking? Why bother not eating? Why bother with any of it?
I'm just wondering if it is worth bothering with recovery, when my actions don't seem to matter. Its all out of my hands, so why bother not drinking? Why bother not eating? Why bother with any of it?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Just a thought. Have you tried any guided meditations or visualizations? Maybe they would help you to slow down your racing thoughts? I have a couple of good ones I could email to you - you could put them on CD or listen to them on the computer. They really help me when I am worrying and feel out of control.
I'd be more than happy to share them with you - let me know, k?
I'd be more than happy to share them with you - let me know, k?
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: England
Posts: 357
What are guided meditations or visualizations?
I'm listening to music at the moment - listening to music that I'm familiar with is one of the only ways I've found that I can keep the horrible thoughts out of my head. I know they are only thoughts and I can choose to act on them or not, but I'm pretty likely to act on thoughts, so I can't risk my head being emptier and letting the bad thoughts in. If that makes sense.
I'm listening to music at the moment - listening to music that I'm familiar with is one of the only ways I've found that I can keep the horrible thoughts out of my head. I know they are only thoughts and I can choose to act on them or not, but I'm pretty likely to act on thoughts, so I can't risk my head being emptier and letting the bad thoughts in. If that makes sense.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
The particular meditation I'm thinking about isn't the kind where you empty your head. It's more a slowing down of breathing, and there is some talk about gratitude, and forgiveness and resentments.
Sometimes, it helps to be open to new things. Just a thought.
Sometimes, it helps to be open to new things. Just a thought.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
hi odaat,
One thing I've learned is that whenever I try to solve my problems but focussing more on the problems, it doesnt work. The solution to the problem never lives at the level of the problem.
Thats why it is most helpful if you only focus on not drinking today, establishing and maintaining daily contact with your loving higher power, today, ask for help, today, turn the situation over to a power greater than yourself , today, and do the next thing placed in front of you. today.
Decisions will be made. They will all work out. I promise!
One thing I've learned is that whenever I try to solve my problems but focussing more on the problems, it doesnt work. The solution to the problem never lives at the level of the problem.
Thats why it is most helpful if you only focus on not drinking today, establishing and maintaining daily contact with your loving higher power, today, ask for help, today, turn the situation over to a power greater than yourself , today, and do the next thing placed in front of you. today.
Decisions will be made. They will all work out. I promise!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
