What do you do when you're lonely?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 23
What do you do when you're lonely?
I've always hated being alone (it wouldnt let me do the new mascot here, but imagine its here 
) I still do. Now that I know that its ok to be alone and I should learn to enjoy myself, but What the hell is there to do?
I tend to lose myself in video games, but thats not healthy.
Tell me what you do and maybe I can learn from it. At least it might be funny cuz most of you are all women and I'm the weird codie man.
Also on another note. Why is it that I've yet to find another like myself in all my meetings? Do men not normally get help or am I just permanently emasculated?
) I still do. Now that I know that its ok to be alone and I should learn to enjoy myself, but What the hell is there to do?I tend to lose myself in video games, but thats not healthy.
Tell me what you do and maybe I can learn from it. At least it might be funny cuz most of you are all women and I'm the weird codie man.
Also on another note. Why is it that I've yet to find another like myself in all my meetings? Do men not normally get help or am I just permanently emasculated?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Saron -
I'm trying to figure out the lonely part, too. I moved away from the town I'd been in 25 years 'cause that's where I did my damage with drugs. I'm now back in the town I grew up in but that was a LONG time ago, so it's like being in a new town. I also work nights and sleep days, so that complicates things but if I figure out something I'll let you know!
As far as men in meetings, I know of a lot of men who NEED to be in meetings but pride (or whatever) keeps them from going. My brother-in-law is now dealing with my step-sister's addiction and he "doesn't believe in self-help meetings". I admire you for going to meetings and posting on here....I think it takes a lot of strength for anyone (male or female) to admit that they need help. Plus, I like hearing the male POV!
Hugs and prayers to ya!
Amy
I'm trying to figure out the lonely part, too. I moved away from the town I'd been in 25 years 'cause that's where I did my damage with drugs. I'm now back in the town I grew up in but that was a LONG time ago, so it's like being in a new town. I also work nights and sleep days, so that complicates things but if I figure out something I'll let you know!
As far as men in meetings, I know of a lot of men who NEED to be in meetings but pride (or whatever) keeps them from going. My brother-in-law is now dealing with my step-sister's addiction and he "doesn't believe in self-help meetings". I admire you for going to meetings and posting on here....I think it takes a lot of strength for anyone (male or female) to admit that they need help. Plus, I like hearing the male POV!
Hugs and prayers to ya!
Amy
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
There were lots of men at my CoDA meeting, as well as double winners who also went to AA and NA and it added a diversity of experience and suggestions that helped us all.
What to do when you're lonely? Oh, you may be sorry you asked, lol, but here are some suggestions that have helped me...
Get out every day, for a walk, to a meeting, for coffee with a friend, to a park where you can sit and soak up the beauty and quiet, or just around a couple of blocks, but getting out in the sunshine and fresh air always lifts my spirit and helps me to avoid isolating.
Join an interest group involved in something you love doing or would love to try...hiking, bird watching (stop laughing, it's fun), photography, book club, sports or a gym, or anything that catches your interest.
Take a course, if there is nothing you want or need to further your career then take a language or a hobby or a study group of something you might like.
Volunteer. I volunteer with women's shelters and find it rewarding and a way to give back some of the blessings I have received. For a fellow, maybe volunteer at a senior's centre or a hospital or coach a kids team. There are so many places that need the help of volunteers and you can set your own schedule.
Read, anything. Read recovery books or a good whodunnit and take your mind to a better place.
Travel, even if you don't go anywhere. Check out some place you would love to go, read all about it, and plan for the trip you just may take "someday".
Sports...join a men's league (this suggestion is for men, lol) and play darts, or tennis, or soccer or hockey (hey! I'm Canadian, eh?) or any sport that might be fun.
If you go to church, join a group there and meet lots of great people.
Sing, dance, enjoy music...even if you are like me and have no talent...I found helping at a senior's residence on "singalong' night lots of fun and the residence love it when someone under 80 comes to help and sing with them.
Build something, renovate something, create something artistic even if you don't think you have any talent or skills. Start small and grow.
Fish, hunt or learn how.
I took up hobby photography because it is something I could do anywhere, alone or with friends. When I make a plan to spend a day driving the area with a theme in mind like waterfalls, lighthouses, haunted places, or nature, there are a lot of friends who love to come along just for the ride and maybe a stop or two for lunch or cheesecake and coffee.
Take a group of kids, maybe nieces or nephews, on a picnic or to a circus or someplace fun that you all can enjoy.
Start that novel you have always wanted to write. It may be good, it may not, but start anyway and see where it takes you.
Step away from the video games and the obsessions that keep you isolated and lonely. Step away from thoughts of the addict and what "they" are doing, and just find something wonderful to do for yourself. :codiepolice
What to do when you're lonely? Oh, you may be sorry you asked, lol, but here are some suggestions that have helped me...
Get out every day, for a walk, to a meeting, for coffee with a friend, to a park where you can sit and soak up the beauty and quiet, or just around a couple of blocks, but getting out in the sunshine and fresh air always lifts my spirit and helps me to avoid isolating.
Join an interest group involved in something you love doing or would love to try...hiking, bird watching (stop laughing, it's fun), photography, book club, sports or a gym, or anything that catches your interest.
Take a course, if there is nothing you want or need to further your career then take a language or a hobby or a study group of something you might like.
Volunteer. I volunteer with women's shelters and find it rewarding and a way to give back some of the blessings I have received. For a fellow, maybe volunteer at a senior's centre or a hospital or coach a kids team. There are so many places that need the help of volunteers and you can set your own schedule.
Read, anything. Read recovery books or a good whodunnit and take your mind to a better place.
Travel, even if you don't go anywhere. Check out some place you would love to go, read all about it, and plan for the trip you just may take "someday".
Sports...join a men's league (this suggestion is for men, lol) and play darts, or tennis, or soccer or hockey (hey! I'm Canadian, eh?) or any sport that might be fun.
If you go to church, join a group there and meet lots of great people.
Sing, dance, enjoy music...even if you are like me and have no talent...I found helping at a senior's residence on "singalong' night lots of fun and the residence love it when someone under 80 comes to help and sing with them.
Build something, renovate something, create something artistic even if you don't think you have any talent or skills. Start small and grow.
Fish, hunt or learn how.
I took up hobby photography because it is something I could do anywhere, alone or with friends. When I make a plan to spend a day driving the area with a theme in mind like waterfalls, lighthouses, haunted places, or nature, there are a lot of friends who love to come along just for the ride and maybe a stop or two for lunch or cheesecake and coffee.
Take a group of kids, maybe nieces or nephews, on a picnic or to a circus or someplace fun that you all can enjoy.
Start that novel you have always wanted to write. It may be good, it may not, but start anyway and see where it takes you.
Step away from the video games and the obsessions that keep you isolated and lonely. Step away from thoughts of the addict and what "they" are doing, and just find something wonderful to do for yourself. :codiepolice
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
Saron~
I know ALOT of men that are part of the program. Heck - alot of my meetings there are more men versus women. Just last night there was a man in one of meetings crying because he just couldn't understand how he couldn't have noticed he was living with a diseased individual for all these years. He felt responsible.
From your posting you clearly sound like a compassionate and intelligent person. What are your interests? What do you know you've enjoyed earlier in your life?
Even now, while I'm still learning to make think I can get this liking myself thing, it's hard for me to come up with things I like to do. I was in perpetual self-hatred mode for so long, being obsessed with someone else and consumed by their problems that almost everything that defined ME has become buried. Everytime I DID try to do something I liked, it was always colored by my obsession or worry so I ended up not liking much of anything since this disease of ours only allows us to focus on one thing: the other person.
Prior to meeting abf and this whole saga - I didn't like being alone either. I always hated it. Simply because I believed I couldn't enjoy my own company. I am here to tell you that it's something that takes adjusting to and doesn't happpen overnight. When I first moved here I lived in a house on campus. I moved out at the end of the year and have had my own place for the past three years. At first I isolated and honestly allowed myself to sink to almost the darkest deapths of self-loathing as I knew it. As time went on, I began to adjust to my solitude and learned that there is being lonely and than there is being alone. I'm pretty sure that getting to know ourselves and feeling more grounded in who we are is part of the process.
I know ALOT of men that are part of the program. Heck - alot of my meetings there are more men versus women. Just last night there was a man in one of meetings crying because he just couldn't understand how he couldn't have noticed he was living with a diseased individual for all these years. He felt responsible.
From your posting you clearly sound like a compassionate and intelligent person. What are your interests? What do you know you've enjoyed earlier in your life?
Even now, while I'm still learning to make think I can get this liking myself thing, it's hard for me to come up with things I like to do. I was in perpetual self-hatred mode for so long, being obsessed with someone else and consumed by their problems that almost everything that defined ME has become buried. Everytime I DID try to do something I liked, it was always colored by my obsession or worry so I ended up not liking much of anything since this disease of ours only allows us to focus on one thing: the other person.
Prior to meeting abf and this whole saga - I didn't like being alone either. I always hated it. Simply because I believed I couldn't enjoy my own company. I am here to tell you that it's something that takes adjusting to and doesn't happpen overnight. When I first moved here I lived in a house on campus. I moved out at the end of the year and have had my own place for the past three years. At first I isolated and honestly allowed myself to sink to almost the darkest deapths of self-loathing as I knew it. As time went on, I began to adjust to my solitude and learned that there is being lonely and than there is being alone. I'm pretty sure that getting to know ourselves and feeling more grounded in who we are is part of the process.
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
I used to feel like you do. However, since Steve was here for a year and now gone for a year I have never known such peace. He talked constantly (unlike my husband of almost 20 years who was morose and silent!). He was always instructing me like I was stupid and a child (I am educated and well read). This got REAL annoying!
Then, one day a year ago, he was gone. He had been cheating on me. Since learning of that in addition to the drug addiction, I have felt so violated that I don't WANT another relationship. In spite of him being real annoying to have around all the time, and in spite of the cheating, I was sad for awhile too.
I do not feel alone at all anymore. I have 4 cats (do you have any pests?) and a dog and a kitten. They are the best company for me. They are interesting and intelligent and interactive.
In addition to that I have been going to dog training school and have met some amazing women in the process. I have gotten involved in Stock Dog training too and that has taken me back to farming (my first love and what I did while I was married). I volunteer to handle stock at stock dog trials. I also volunteer at the RailRoad museum gift shop on some Saturdays. I go to church.
I do a lot of photography and I also paint. In the past I have gone back to school part time and in addition to my degree have made major headway on a second degree in Engineering.
I hike and bike ride as well. I would own a horse if I could afford one and I had more land than I do.
I go to work.
I suggest you sit down and write down your interests and try to develop a hobby. Volunteering is a good way to meet people and accomplish positive things in your life. You can write off the mileage to and from the volunteer "job" as well, if that is of interest to you.
If you like animals, volunteer at an animal shelter. If you like kids, volunteer at a childrens home or the childrens ward at a hospital. There are a lot of organizations that need help and I am sure your offers would be welcome!
If you are near a local college, take a class. If you can't think of anything you want to do, take a credit free class in something you never thought of doing before! My local college offers everything from yoga to quilting to small engine repair!
When I was feeling lonely I got involved in volunteering to help with my local community Day Fair. That was my first volunteer job. I met everyone in the community that way (it was a small outfit!).
If you aren't a church goer, give that a try and see how you like it. Go to meetings (naranon or alanon).
The bottom line is you need to try different things and see what you like. Many Codies have gotten so lost in their need to provide for someone else that they have lost themselves in the other person. When the relationship ends they think obsessively about the person who is gone and it takes a great effort to stop that focus and move it to other things. The biggest problem is that a lot of codies have no idea what any of those things are because they have lost touch with themselves, who they are, what they want in life and what they need in life beyond the other person they are obsessed with.
So, you have some work to do. Start with a list of things you like or think you might like (cooking, children, pets, dancing etc.) and then take that list and try some of the things on it. Eventually you may find something that clicks with you. In the mean time you will gain a broad background of knowledge and skills and meet a whole bunch of people. I have taken Welding, Photography, chemistry, Wild Turkey Hunting (I just wanted to take photos of them and that was fine), math courses, pumpkin growing, Stock Dog training.. all sorts of things. You can too!
That is my suggestion.
Then, one day a year ago, he was gone. He had been cheating on me. Since learning of that in addition to the drug addiction, I have felt so violated that I don't WANT another relationship. In spite of him being real annoying to have around all the time, and in spite of the cheating, I was sad for awhile too.
I do not feel alone at all anymore. I have 4 cats (do you have any pests?) and a dog and a kitten. They are the best company for me. They are interesting and intelligent and interactive.
In addition to that I have been going to dog training school and have met some amazing women in the process. I have gotten involved in Stock Dog training too and that has taken me back to farming (my first love and what I did while I was married). I volunteer to handle stock at stock dog trials. I also volunteer at the RailRoad museum gift shop on some Saturdays. I go to church.
I do a lot of photography and I also paint. In the past I have gone back to school part time and in addition to my degree have made major headway on a second degree in Engineering.
I hike and bike ride as well. I would own a horse if I could afford one and I had more land than I do.
I go to work.
I suggest you sit down and write down your interests and try to develop a hobby. Volunteering is a good way to meet people and accomplish positive things in your life. You can write off the mileage to and from the volunteer "job" as well, if that is of interest to you.
If you like animals, volunteer at an animal shelter. If you like kids, volunteer at a childrens home or the childrens ward at a hospital. There are a lot of organizations that need help and I am sure your offers would be welcome!
If you are near a local college, take a class. If you can't think of anything you want to do, take a credit free class in something you never thought of doing before! My local college offers everything from yoga to quilting to small engine repair!
When I was feeling lonely I got involved in volunteering to help with my local community Day Fair. That was my first volunteer job. I met everyone in the community that way (it was a small outfit!).
If you aren't a church goer, give that a try and see how you like it. Go to meetings (naranon or alanon).
The bottom line is you need to try different things and see what you like. Many Codies have gotten so lost in their need to provide for someone else that they have lost themselves in the other person. When the relationship ends they think obsessively about the person who is gone and it takes a great effort to stop that focus and move it to other things. The biggest problem is that a lot of codies have no idea what any of those things are because they have lost touch with themselves, who they are, what they want in life and what they need in life beyond the other person they are obsessed with.
So, you have some work to do. Start with a list of things you like or think you might like (cooking, children, pets, dancing etc.) and then take that list and try some of the things on it. Eventually you may find something that clicks with you. In the mean time you will gain a broad background of knowledge and skills and meet a whole bunch of people. I have taken Welding, Photography, chemistry, Wild Turkey Hunting (I just wanted to take photos of them and that was fine), math courses, pumpkin growing, Stock Dog training.. all sorts of things. You can too!
That is my suggestion.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Like everybody else, I had to sit down and figure out a few things, and the answers became a roadmap to never feeling lonely again. Seriously. And this from someone who ALWAYS felt lonely for the first 30 years of my life...
I just sat and thought/wrote about:
---what the things are that I want to do, see, and be before I die. Morbid, of course, but also true. It took a long time but I kept adding to the list when things would occur to me. I wanted to live in a foreign country for a short time, wanted to learn to play drums, cook one kind of food really well (like Thai), run an organized footrace, go to a pumpkin-launching, learn to scuba dive, overcome my fear of spiders, try out a new religion, etc. etc. etc.
---who the people are that I really believe in and want to help do whatever they're doing. I like to help people who are busting their a$$es to try to get out of poverty, people who don't think they're creative, people who think they're trapped by addiction, people who are trying to save animals (and kids) from cruelty.
---what are the ten most fun things I can think of to do
---who are the ten people who give me a specific kind of energy (they make me laugh, make me think, make me crazy in a funny way, etc.)
And one that worked especially well for me:
---what kind of a business could I start, even part-part-time, that would help me get out of the rat race and do my own thing? (that takes up a lot of time and gets you in touch with the stuff you REALLY like doing in life)
All of these things, written down, become a kind of instruction sheet for getting out and widening your life so there's no room and no time for loneliness any more. You're too engaged in doing things you want, with people you're having fun making connection with, and you fall into bed at night tired and happy from cramming good things into your day. There's way more to life than just hanging out with people talking about nothing, or playing video games (though that's fun too...we had a rousing multi-user game of Guitar Hero last night at a friend's....)
Make your own list, close your eyes, poke a finger at it randomly.
And do it.
Life's big...you don't have to be lonely if you don't want to.
Hugs,
GL
I just sat and thought/wrote about:
---what the things are that I want to do, see, and be before I die. Morbid, of course, but also true. It took a long time but I kept adding to the list when things would occur to me. I wanted to live in a foreign country for a short time, wanted to learn to play drums, cook one kind of food really well (like Thai), run an organized footrace, go to a pumpkin-launching, learn to scuba dive, overcome my fear of spiders, try out a new religion, etc. etc. etc.
---who the people are that I really believe in and want to help do whatever they're doing. I like to help people who are busting their a$$es to try to get out of poverty, people who don't think they're creative, people who think they're trapped by addiction, people who are trying to save animals (and kids) from cruelty.
---what are the ten most fun things I can think of to do
---who are the ten people who give me a specific kind of energy (they make me laugh, make me think, make me crazy in a funny way, etc.)
And one that worked especially well for me:
---what kind of a business could I start, even part-part-time, that would help me get out of the rat race and do my own thing? (that takes up a lot of time and gets you in touch with the stuff you REALLY like doing in life)
All of these things, written down, become a kind of instruction sheet for getting out and widening your life so there's no room and no time for loneliness any more. You're too engaged in doing things you want, with people you're having fun making connection with, and you fall into bed at night tired and happy from cramming good things into your day. There's way more to life than just hanging out with people talking about nothing, or playing video games (though that's fun too...we had a rousing multi-user game of Guitar Hero last night at a friend's....)
Make your own list, close your eyes, poke a finger at it randomly.
And do it.
Life's big...you don't have to be lonely if you don't want to.
Hugs,
GL
StrivingToThrive
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
I am very new to this alone thing too. My AS was asked to leave 3 months ago, a month after my husband who is addicted to his depression left because I wouldn't listen to him anymore until he got help. I was right there with you. Couldn't believe that I, the person who only wanted Love, was now alone. " What the Heck!!??" I was sad and angry. feeling very sorry for myself for about a month , and i got real tired of that. So its been three months on my own and I am FINALLY feeling comfortable in my own skin. i am 45 years old and for the first time in my life i can see myself. I couldn't before cause I was so wrapped up in them.
So now i am taking guitar lessons thru adult Ed. and loving it. (whats good about that is you have to practice daily! Keeps me busy!) Working out more. Seeing friends I had ignored, ( that took a little guts to reach out) going to meetings,( there are men at mine, so maybe you should look around if thats important to you).I joined a hiking group ( once a week around the local hills and MTs. ). but I also learned to enjoy being alone. I am focusing on the positive. I like eating what i want whenever I want. Watching whatever i want, listening to whatever i want. Its all about me! Although the messes are only mine and i can't blame anyone else! sure one day I might have new people in my life but thats not today and today is what I have.
So now i am taking guitar lessons thru adult Ed. and loving it. (whats good about that is you have to practice daily! Keeps me busy!) Working out more. Seeing friends I had ignored, ( that took a little guts to reach out) going to meetings,( there are men at mine, so maybe you should look around if thats important to you).I joined a hiking group ( once a week around the local hills and MTs. ). but I also learned to enjoy being alone. I am focusing on the positive. I like eating what i want whenever I want. Watching whatever i want, listening to whatever i want. Its all about me! Although the messes are only mine and i can't blame anyone else! sure one day I might have new people in my life but thats not today and today is what I have.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 23
Great posts! 
Thanks!
There I still like to go out and be around people. The problem I have is that everyone at my age is a drinker. At this time I really dont know if I'm comfortable drinking. I've got a lot of friends but I don't think I've really ever had sober fun (I blame college in Texas). No I'm not an addict I'm an 85 percenter all the way.
I have some buddies in a men's baseball league that I could make time to join. I'll have to try out the writing techniques ya'll talked about. Thank you ladies
Thanks!There I still like to go out and be around people. The problem I have is that everyone at my age is a drinker. At this time I really dont know if I'm comfortable drinking. I've got a lot of friends but I don't think I've really ever had sober fun (I blame college in Texas). No I'm not an addict I'm an 85 percenter all the way.
I have some buddies in a men's baseball league that I could make time to join. I'll have to try out the writing techniques ya'll talked about. Thank you ladies
Not a bad place to be....
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: LOUISIANA
Posts: 179
Loneliness has always been my enemy.....its seems to be the one thing that can quickly get me into trouble. It is the one thing that I have had to really work hard on. The one thing that has helped me is to expand my circle of healthy friends and this didn't happen overnight. It has taken a couple of years for me to make new friends, but everyone has their own busy life and they cannot always be available to me. It has taken a lot of time, but over the last few months, I have become more at ease when I find there will be a night that I will be alone. It doesn't throw me into a bad place anymore. This peace that I have made with loneliness is my greatest victory, but it took about two years to get here since my ex-AH moved out. I know exactly how you are feeling and does get better. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
Saron ~
So funny you should mention the whole "not much to do without drinking bit" -- all my college has produced is binge drinker friends and sadly, that is the norm. This weekend it is one of my best friend's birthdays and we are going out to celebrate. This is the first time I've been out since Idecided I wasn't comfortable getting smashed in order to have a good time. Dealing with someone else's sickness in this way makes even legal substances that can still be abused, seen in a new light.
I did the whole nightlife thing here a few years back, so it not something I even enjoy anymore. But it is so hard to find friends that aren't interested in always need to drink in order to have a good time.
So funny you should mention the whole "not much to do without drinking bit" -- all my college has produced is binge drinker friends and sadly, that is the norm. This weekend it is one of my best friend's birthdays and we are going out to celebrate. This is the first time I've been out since Idecided I wasn't comfortable getting smashed in order to have a good time. Dealing with someone else's sickness in this way makes even legal substances that can still be abused, seen in a new light.
I did the whole nightlife thing here a few years back, so it not something I even enjoy anymore. But it is so hard to find friends that aren't interested in always need to drink in order to have a good time.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
This Summer while on vacation, I was thinking, gee if I was a GUY, not a Gal, I could do SOOO much!
I'd join a carpenter apprentice program for one thing...cause I love woodworking....
I'd hang out at Home Depot or Loews alot.....
There's always sports guys can do too, that I'm ineligible for...like HOCKEY!
Have you been attending any meetings?
Usually, there's commraderie there....
How about getting a GPS and start Geocaching?
There's a site called Geocaching.com, I believe...
It's fun, if you like tresure hunting, and they have meetings...bunch of people out searching for stuff other people hide...
Sounds crazy, but it's fun...
I'd join a carpenter apprentice program for one thing...cause I love woodworking....
I'd hang out at Home Depot or Loews alot.....
There's always sports guys can do too, that I'm ineligible for...like HOCKEY!
Have you been attending any meetings?
Usually, there's commraderie there....
How about getting a GPS and start Geocaching?
There's a site called Geocaching.com, I believe...
It's fun, if you like tresure hunting, and they have meetings...bunch of people out searching for stuff other people hide...
Sounds crazy, but it's fun...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 23
Heather, you're always the best thanks!
My birthday was like 2 weeks ago and all my buddies wanted to do was go out drinking. Celebrating your birthday at a bar wasted with your buddies while your girlfriend is in rehab just sounds like a poor idea doesnt it?
My birthday was like 2 weeks ago and all my buddies wanted to do was go out drinking. Celebrating your birthday at a bar wasted with your buddies while your girlfriend is in rehab just sounds like a poor idea doesnt it?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
Saron,
I like to read, and that helps since I HATE being alone. It is so hard, I did find some things I like to do, bike ride, walk at the beach. Now that I am back in college I like going to art galleries. Had to do that for a class and found out I really do like it.
We have a few men in our home group, they say what they think, but said it is hard to admit that they need help. The reason is that men don't express their feelings and it was hard to say I can't do this alone. I am glad you are here. You really do sound like a guy I would like me daughter to meet, a caring guy.
I enjoy reading what you post.
I like to read, and that helps since I HATE being alone. It is so hard, I did find some things I like to do, bike ride, walk at the beach. Now that I am back in college I like going to art galleries. Had to do that for a class and found out I really do like it.
We have a few men in our home group, they say what they think, but said it is hard to admit that they need help. The reason is that men don't express their feelings and it was hard to say I can't do this alone. I am glad you are here. You really do sound like a guy I would like me daughter to meet, a caring guy.
I enjoy reading what you post.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 23
To be honest I'm far more open and sharing online than I think I can ever be in person. I build my wall way to thick to breakdown and cry to an open meeting.
Thanks for the complement Pam. I needed a self-esteem booster today.
Thanks for the complement Pam. I needed a self-esteem booster today.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Flint MI
Posts: 4,455
Believe it or not I picked up a very dangerous hobby for awhile, although I wouldn't ever suggest it find something that gets your adrinalin pumping......you lose your inhabitions from the rush you get and you will talk to people.....I sware it works!!! In r/t I have so many ppl I am able to have around me that now I just prefer the solitude of myself and my daughter and son( puppies btw)....Good Luck the other thing you could do is take a class at your local high school or collage like a cooking class, or maybe an auto repair class you will have interactions and make friends!
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
To meet people who don't drink you need to get involved in activities where drinking isn't the protocol.
I hang out with people who are interested in training dogs... and usually we have our dogs with us (even when we volunteer at a trial).
I can tell you that it can get really ugly if you drink and get drunk in front of your dog..... dog can lose all respect and you are all done.
Seriously, the thing to do is get involved in something (an activity) that is not "party" oriented and you will find other people who have a great time without drinking.
I hang out with people who are interested in training dogs... and usually we have our dogs with us (even when we volunteer at a trial).
I can tell you that it can get really ugly if you drink and get drunk in front of your dog..... dog can lose all respect and you are all done.
Seriously, the thing to do is get involved in something (an activity) that is not "party" oriented and you will find other people who have a great time without drinking.
May it be
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: A new day. Today I just see bright colors, in the small world of my dreams.
Posts: 384
I like eating what i want whenever I want. Watching whatever i want, listening to whatever i want. Its all about me! Although the messes are only mine and i can't blame anyone else! sure one day I might have new people in my life but thats not today and today is what I have.
this is where I am at, but it's been over 2 yrs, since he left. The messes are mine, but less of them, since there is just me. I sometimes read about solitude, it's so calming. "Each day carve out time for you, and each week make sure you have one excursion of your own, ~ even if it's just to sit at a coffee shop and read for a while." I don't always get to do this, but it's enjoyable when I can.
The quieter you become, the more you can hear ~ **** Ram Dass
this is where I am at, but it's been over 2 yrs, since he left. The messes are mine, but less of them, since there is just me. I sometimes read about solitude, it's so calming. "Each day carve out time for you, and each week make sure you have one excursion of your own, ~ even if it's just to sit at a coffee shop and read for a while." I don't always get to do this, but it's enjoyable when I can.
The quieter you become, the more you can hear ~ **** Ram Dass
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