holdingouthope

If there's one thing I'm beginning to understand, it's that anything can happen.

Last week after my first several weeks of Nar-anon meetings, I told my addicted husband that if he chooses to use cocaine again, he is not welcome in our house. Further, he is not welcome back in our house unless he is committed to rehab and recovery. I had become a miserable, codependent zombie living in a world of denial. I still kind of am. But setting my boundaries last week empowered me and made me happy for myself for the first time in a long time.

Tonight is the night my husband chose to use cocaine again. He called high as a kite and tried to create another fantastic lie about where he's been. For some reason he broke down and said that he wasn't being completely honest with me. Telling him at that moment that he couldn't come home was much harder than I anticipated, but I did it! He is not allowed into our house until he has a plan for recovery.

It's hard. Inside I want him to come home so that at least I know he is here and not out snorting cocaine until his heart stops. But then I remember that he chose it. And he has chosen it above me and our relationship for years.

It feels good to get it off my chest. thanks

kj21

Good for you! I know how hard it is, it is soo hard. I made a list of all the rotten things my SO did to my while high. Standing me up, lying, taking money, writing cheques, did i say lying....then when I feel sorry for him i read th list and think how he did not feel sorry for me when I was walking to work becouse he pulled a no show, or the sleepless nights worrying, etc...it truly helps me stay strong. I am kind to him but really keep my distance so he won't thing I have given in again. Stay strong girl, it is hard but wll worth it. remember, nothing changes if nothing changes!!

Impurrfect

You're doing the right thing, even though it hurts really bad sometimes.

I'm a codie AND a recovering crack addict and I can tell you that letting him take the consequences of his addiction is the best thing for both of you. And you're right - he made the choice.

I'm glad you're going to nar-anon - that will help you SOOO much, just like the wonderful people here will.

Hugs and prayers to you!

Amy

Elana

You are doing the right thing. It will bother you for awhile, but here is the thing. IF a neighbor or someone else were to turn your husband in and he was home and there was coke in the house, you could be arrested, tried and convicted as an accessory when the police show up. Same for in the car. If you own that home, you would lose it. If you have any $$ in the bank you would lose that too. If you have a job you can kiss that good bye too. If you are convicted of a felony you lose a lot more.. your ability to own firearms, your ability to vote.. etc etc.

While we all sit here and stress over our addicts, we often forget the risk they put us at because.. after all.. they are USING ILLEGAL DRUGS.

Beyond that, he has essentially elected to cheat on his marriage. I do not believe that using illegal drugs or sleeping with someone else should be viewed as two different levels of relationship abandonment. I have concluded that while the actions are physically diffferent, they are absolutely identical in their lack of respect for the relationship and for the other person. They get equal footing in my book these days.

Its gonna hurt.. this decision.. but it comes from a place of strength that we all have if we decide to tap it.

((((Holdingouthope))))

hopeforever

stay strong...
u so brave ,, i have nocourage to do it ,, for me im thinking about changing the locks.... have no courage,,,,;;;\
u so brave good luck!! ihopehe turns himself to rehab!

mooselips

holdingouthope,
Your recovery is shining, yes it is....

IMO, you are saving his life by NOT enabling, by not giving him a soft place to land. When I wrap my thoughts around that idea, it makes it easier to keep and maintain a boundary.


Hugs to you,