Wascally Wabbit

Thank goodness I can come here and vent. I have been exhausted with having a grandchild, her mother, and my oldest son in our two bedroom apt. Plus, I am the only one with a car.
I have started setting dates for everyone to get their own darn car and their own darn place to live.

Problem is, my mother who is well aware of all this, is now getting sick with all kind of old age problems. I have posted about her guilt trips before.

She'll drive 2 hours to go to a doctor, but won't live near me where heart docs are 30 minutes away. Why? Because she insists she want's to live WITH me, not near me.
Tonight I called her while my cousin was driving her home from the doctor which is 2 hrs away. She left her senior apartment a couple of months ago because she couldn't stand the go'vt being in her business. I believe it's because she wants someone to take care of her and move her in. So, she got her nephew to let her stay with him. I don't know how long that will last.

ANYWAY, While I was on the phone with her in the car with my other cuz, she told me all the tests she needed done Monday. I told her I wish I could have her stay with me for a little while, and she responded, "Right now, I am staying with people who LOVE me and take care of me, and MAKE SURE I am fed."

So, in other words, I don't love her enough to quit my job and move her in and wait on her 24/7.

I got mad all over again because I know this manipulation very well. She made sure my cuz heard her say all the "loving" comments about her, and she made sure she made me sound like I didnt love her.

What I really wanted to do was scream at her, and say, HOW DARE YOU! How dare you try make me, who is overwhelmed in my own life, responsible for YOUR misery, and make me sound like I dont' give a hairy rats butt about you, AND, try to dump on me like this when you never gave a %$#! about me all my life, and now that you're old, you expect every thing to fall in place for you so you can have a maid servant and someone to criticize all day and night!!??

This very board has taught me some valuable lessons on how to handle these little episodes, especially in my response to her.

I responded, "I know how important being taken care of is to you, so I guess you're in the best place you can be right now."

It still hurts. But, my sanity would dissapear in 10 minutes if I lived with her.
I just hope I never do this to my own children.
Thanks for letting me vent.

DesertEyes

Hey there Wabbit

wow. That's intense! That's way more than just a guilt trip, that's downright insulting and abusive.

Now _that_ is what I call serenity. You did awesome! I don't know that I would have been able to maintain my composure as well as you did.

NO kidding.

You got too much recovery for that

You betcha.

Mike

GingerM

I just wanted to give you a HUGE 'attaboy' for not getting sucked into her drama, and for not allowing her to place her issues on your back and make you carry them for her.

I'm sure the statements hurt - they never quite stop hurting no matter how much BS you know they are. But you did GREAT! What wonderful progress!

PaperDolls

(((Wabbit)))

Keep being strong and stay sane! I wish I had more wise advice but Mike stole all my lines. :kidding:

Seriously, I know how hard it can be taking care of a parent. It's not an easy job, especially if they like to guilt-trip you.

Take care of you!

Wascally Wabbit

It was hard to keep my composure. I am just glad she wasn't right in front of me. I have had to learn not to respond "immediately". If I can just remind myself to take two deep breaths I can answer in a non harsh way, but still get the message across.
I just HATE these horrid guilt trips.
A friend told me a long time ago, "When someone dumps something in your lap that you didn't ask for, stand up and brush it off!"
Thanks for all your replys. I am still a tiny upset by her remarks but I will get over it. LOL, just in time to gear up for another one!

SaTiT

I'm sorry you'rre going through that wabbit.
You're thread is actaully helping me keep it together.lol

My mother been going bonkers on me for the pass couple of days.
I've been cleaning house and i didn't do her way.lol
and it wasn't my mess to begin with. So i had to restack the
boxes over and over again.
I'm damn if i do and I'm damn if i don't...
No wonder i have a hard time making decision and taking actions
or waiting till the last minutes to do things.


I almost lost it yesterday...so i decided to take a time out.
nice to know that the deep breathing tech still works.lol

I'm trying not to take it too personal anymore.
i can't afford it..with me, i'll do the crazy thing of truning
it inward and go into a depression.
Know what you mean by having to brush it off, it's ain't easy.
My spiritaul advisor passed on living tools to me.
pertend I'm "teflon man".lol

Midnightfrost

Wow! Sounds like she really knows how to push your buttons! a sign of a truly gifted manipulator. The way you responded is awesome though. I've often wondered if my mother would lay off the button pushing if I quit reacting. We're on a communication break right now but I'm definitely trying it out. Hopefully its something that becomes more effective for us as well the more we practice! Her button pushing won't cause so much drama because we've learned to dismiss. One can only hope! You can do it!

123onelove456

(((((((((((((((wabbit)))))))))))) A did a great job and kept your composer I too as others have posted I don't think I could have kept my composer as well as you did in person or on the phone....

WOW way to not get stuck into her drama too..

Love ya your inspiration to me!!!

one love