Debbie

to put all bad things out of my head for the weekend and for the most part I have succeeded.

My hubby is depressed. Of course he is, I would suppose he has every right to be. With all the things that happened and now facing the consequences of his actions (possible jail time), I see where it is upsetting and worrisome. I worry too but I have finally learned that I can't do anything about it. And I tell him that, things are going to happen that we have no control over so why let it bother you now, try to enjoy the day.

Don't get me wrong, I've had my good days and my bad days, my highs and my lows but I have pretty much handled things to the best of my ability without making myself too sick over the whole situation.

But seeing him like this, and no matter what I say just doesn't pull him out of this state and its taking a toll on me. His unhappiness is making me unhappy. I am not sure if any of this is making any sense at all.

I guess I just need to sort out my feelings a little more but his feelings are affecting me so much, I am not sure how to do this.

Oh well, thanks for letting me ramble.

Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie

liddy

HI barbiedeb

I know how it can effect when your around depression day after day. My son was in a clinical depression and my 87yr old Dad lives withus and he is always in a downer even though i have him on anti depressants.
this went on all winter and coming home from work day after day to both of them wore on me. Thank God for spring it seemed to help lift my son to start working and fishing and taking more of an interest in life. I just kept struggling to keep my serenity with many meetings and prayer and just go about my life even when i didnt want to.
all i can say is nothing lasts forever.and keep on being good to yourself in the meantime.
Hugs
liddy

EmotionalMeg

Hi Debbie,
To tell you the honest truth, I have no idea how to respond to your post. Mostly because I KNOW exactly how you feel.

We can't kick them into a better mood, and we know better than to let ourselves get wrapped up in it, but sometimes the magnetic pull of the "dark side" is too strong, even for us Alanon-ers'.
And here we are "letting go", "detaching", "working our OWN program"... yet feeling so sad that we aren't sharing any positive happy times with our husband. Why can't they just be NORMAL for a day??!!

I guess I am of no help...
Just continue to put yourself first. Get out of the house if the moods are unbearable; treat yourself to rewards; go to meetings; call your sponser; and remind yourself that YOU are responsible for your happiness, NOT him.

Take care
Meg

Ann

****{Barbiedeb}}}

Something I do sometimes, when exposed to someone else's black moods, is to pretend that the negative vibes are visible, sort of like dust, and I open windows to give myself air, and bring in flowers to give myself beauty, play music to drown out the sadness, and try to find some non-negative space for myself, like taking a walk.

Don't laugh, but sometimes, after I have done all the above and am taking my walk, I mentally dust myself off, shaking any negative stuff that might have settled on me. It might be crazy, but it works for me.

margo

(((((Debbie))))) You are one remarkable lady! You're doing just great, and the way that you're managing to keep your sweet self going is inspiring to me.

I know it is very difficult to be around someone who is depressed - the vibes are so strong. I am assuming that your hubby was either put on meds, or had them changed, while in the hospital. If that is the case, then he probably needs time to adjust to them.

One trick I have tried with success is to imagine that I have a mirror facing outwards from me and that the bad vibes are being reflected away - it does work in some strange way! Sort of a "vibe deflector," if you will. I think that you, like me, are very sensitive to other's moods and I know how difficult it can be. Just keep hanging in there, Debbie - this too shall pass.

Love and hugs.

Debbie

************{Everyone}}}}}}}

Thanks for responding to my ramble. I guess I need to use the phrase "snap out of it" on myself. I read a delicious trashy, romantic, mystery book today and I have been keeping myself in a healthy state of mind. It is truly hard sometimes. I am going to have to try some of the suggestions above, they sound like they just might work

Anyway, I think I may read another trashy novel. It felt kind of good, haven't read a book of fiction in a long time unless you count Tiara Girl

Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie

matters

Hi barbiedeb,

I was going to suggest a walk but Ann beat me to it. Getting out of the house always makes me feel better,even if it is for a short time. If you spot a emerald civic while your out jump in for a ride!!!

Sending smiles and hugs to cheer you,
matters

Debbie

******{Matters}}}}

Thanks. The walk was out today since the weather is STILL yucky. I would love a couple of days of sunshine in a row and perhaps on a weekend when I am not working....what a concept

Whenever I do get out I will be looking for that emerald civic......perhaps that will be my next car

Many hugs,
Debbie

vinnietoo

BD,

In reading your first post I thought of my wife
and all she has been thru...let me say something
that you probably are not going to like...but you
are a friend and this is what friends do..let him suffer.
Your love for him will not change..know that you
have always been there for him..just as my wife
has always been there for me. It hurts to see those that
we love suffer but sometimes that's the only way
to learn. Good grief!!! you don't need my advice!! sorry...
just want to let you know that I"m thinking about you
and yours.

You are all in my prayers tonight!!
Vinnie

Debbie

******{Vinnie}}}}

Feel free to give me advice anytime. I guess I don't like to see anyone suffer, and he is but I know there is not a thing I can do. I feel at a loss because of his feelings affecting my moods but I am slowly learning to overcome that Things will work at as they are meant to work out with or should I say without help from me.

Thanks for thinking of me

Take care.
Many hugs,
Debbie

Sarah2003

Hi Debbie,

Yep....I can relate to how you're feeling. I read Ann's post on In-Between and that really helped me. That's how I feel right now....totally and completely in-between everything.

I like to read also to "get lost." It's an escape for me. When I'm tired of reading recovery books, and the books I need to read for work, I like to pick up something mindless. Janet Evanovich is excellent for those times! It's pure entertainment.

Take care of yourself,

Sarah

Debbie

Hi Sarah

The in between feeling, like being on a see saw....sigh.

It was very enjoyable reading the book and escaping. It was a Tami Hoag? book. But I think it is meant for me to try reading these Janet Evanovich books. I was telling my sister what I was reading and she suggested her. She said she is one of her favs and she laughs out loud while reading her stories. I think I will have to try her Thanks for suggesting her, two recommendations the lady has to be good.

Many hugs,
Debbie