Aysha

Dam good thing I have no money..Because I am pretty sure I would have been off to the city.
today has been absolutely the worst.
I want to smoke so freakin bad I want to scream.
Affirmations arent working today.
Trying to block the thoughts..Not happening. Doing what has been working for the past 30 some odd days. Not working. Told my family..I dont care if they know. If I had some cash I would be gone.
I cant stop thinking about it and thinking of every little detail right down to how the smoke swirls in the pipe..the sound of it melting...The taste..the high...just everything.
Nothing is working!!!!
I want to cry. I am so scared a relapse is on its way.
My leg wont stop hopping around..Xanax aint doing **** ...My heart is racing..I feel nauseated..I just want to go and get it and be done with this sickness.
OMG..I am so freakin weak right now.
Please let this go away Lord!!!!

angibaby

wow, i am so sorry you are going through this. i hope and pray you make it through and find relief from the obsession. i know how strong it can be. please hang on. have you called anyone? maybe if you do, it will help. angie

Hope

5 minutes at a time if you have too. Pray, pray, pray for the obsession to be removed. I'm praying for you right now. Go to sleep early if you can. Do something to distract yourself. Watch a movie. Eat something good.

Hope

Stick around SR and keep talking! Here's what they told me - don't use even if your a$$ is falling off
Reread your old posts from your past relapse. See how it felt when the pain just happened. You don't want to go through that again.

Ms.TimmyV

Yes...fantastic idea re-read your old posts. That has been the best deterent for me thus far. Just hang in there okay??

parentrecovers

support to you, chiy. it's just today...just get through today..

hugs, k

Luckyv2

Even though I don't want to log in and post I am....

HP

Help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to ME today that YOU and I together can't handle.

It takes us also

Hope you made it without using Blessings

Hope

Chiy, I hope you're alright.

chicago

well its looking like you have 2 things stacked between you and using right now. 1) God 2) SR.com....pray and give you're obsession over to God. give you're pain to him. somewhere in you're brain, you must have the slightest belief that God does exist in some form and that a human didnt put the stars in the sky....tap into that...no matter how tiny you're faith might be right now.

Dee74

Now I know you know there's no answers in a pipe...you almost died.

B*tch slap this little voice Trish...nothing, no bad day, is worth throwing everything you've worked for away.

got my prayers

D

Pinkcuda

I don't know much about drugs. They were never my thing. I'm just an Alcoholic! I would gladly flush a pound of cocaine down the toilet if I knew there was a 5th of Bourbon in it for me. I assume the struggles of abstinence are the same however. Keep looking forward towards a new life you want for yourself. To keep your mind sharp and focused set realistic goals that are achievable and work towards them. By goals I do not mean dates or lengths of abstinence, I am talking about Jobs, cars House in the suburbs, Hawaii vacations etc... That's where you need to be sending your thoughts. When your thoughts are focusing on the 5 Ws of why we are the way we are and dwelling in what we can't do, things go bad on us. I love nothing more than seeing Alcoholics/Addicts rise up to the occasion and overcome the odds that have been stacked up against them. This is the fight of fights. This is the mother of all battles. My hat's off to anyone that can honestly say that they have it by the balls and they're not letting go. Those people are true heroes to me. The real Champions in life. If you can win that battle, the Cars, jobs and the house in the Burbs doesn't seem all that far fetched now, does it?

scaredykat

Chiy, I'm also an Alcoholic and don't know much about drugs. But a Drug is a drug is a drug. Just hang on and take it a minute at a time if you have to. If you want to cry, just cry. Just don't pick up.

I'll pray for you.
Barb

indigo

Trish I'm sorry that you're suffering so, can you go for a long walk or do some exercise to take your mind off using. Holding you close today and sending positive thoughts across the Oceans.

Rusty Zipper

miss chiy, remember, a power greater then...

belief, faith, and the real hard one...

trust!

keep pray'n lady!

xxoo & blessings...

rz

Aysha

Holy crud you guys.
Yesterday sucked so bad.
But I made it. OMG! I made it.
I thought for sure I was a goner.
Having no money helped and after I went home the xanax kicked in and I went to sleep..
I know alot have problems with xanax. And I did too back in the day. But I take them less than prescribed..Way less. On days like yesterday.
And they dont do me like they use to. They calm then knock my butt out.
Thats what I needed.
My wheels were grinding bad.
I just layed down and went to sleep.
I will be fine today because I have work tonight.
It's thos days off that are tricky.
Thanks all of you for your support.
I knew I loved you guys for a reason.
And I am soooooooo glad I made it. I would have felt like the biggest loser today if not.

wiscgirl30

So glad to hear you are okay and made it through yesterday... Hugs to you!

parentrecovers

way to go, chiy!

Jomey

Awesome, Chiy! I am sooo proud of you - what a tough time, but another notch in your belt that proves you can do this! Way to go, girl!

Hope

That just made my day. Thanks for the good news! I'm glad you got through that. I was thinking of you and praying for you last night.

The bad days do pass. We can get through them.

shemp

good job, keep posting we are here for you. in time it will get better