kj21

My AGF of 10 years left last tuesday becouse I asked him to leave me and my kids. He has been spirelling, so I needed him to go. We thought he had lost him job, but unbelievabley they have given him 2 weeks sick leave to come up with a plan to get himself help. He went to rehad last year also. anyway, I don't want to go through this again with him. He is texting and calling me asking if we will ever have a chance again? After a couple days not answering, this was my response, please let me know what your thought are on this.

I told him I would not even consider answering that question for at least 3 months. that a lot of damage has been done and I need time to work on me and to see how he does. He replied he understood and just needed to know where we stood.

I don't want to geive him false hope but a little part of me isn't quite ready to throw in the towel completely yet.... any thoughts?? Did I do the right thing?

rahsue

I think it's a reasonable response and maybe he'll get the help he needs.

good luck to you and your family

misslisa

good on you!. I kicked my addict boyfriend out in april this year as I saw him just living off me and drinking or popping what ever pills he could get his hands on. I had given him many chances and he never changed. I found out later that he is doing the exact same thing with a younger lady now. Thank god I got a way is all I tell myself. He is no longer my problem. Im also a recoverying alcoholic and I have enough of my own emotions and feelings to deal with let alone someone elses that is in denial.

He may change, he may not. But at least you are thinking about yourself! Some may think it of self fish, but I believe that we have to think of our own sanity!

Keep us posted on how things are going. We are here for you!

misslisa

cece

KJ21,
Its a tough journey, NO one can make the call for you in if you should stay or go in a relationship. but i do know if you are dealing with an addict get help for yourself either way! Many people here have been on the path you are. so you are among good people! Read lots!

greeteachday

It sounds like your response was from your heart, and so that is the right thing for you. His actions will tell you whether things will change and if you want to try again in time. I'm glad you are doing what you can to focus on you and your kids and let him take responsibility for himself. Hugs

HKAngel24

KJ-

I know how you feel. I know you want answers- or for someone to validate that decision for you or agree that it is a reasonable time frame.

When I first came here, another member told me that she said she would not consider reuniting with her bf until he is clean and sober for 6 months.
I know for me, even if they CLAIM they are clean and sober- there is a chance they could be lying about it (as addicts do...) and I will more than likely always be hanging onto that possibility in my mind.

It's so hard to make a decision now about how you will feel in the future. In reality, we want them to get better for themselves so that we know it is genuine and they really want to seek a recovery program because they are ready to change their way of living. Still, there is a part of me, anyway that finds myself stomping my feet and in my victim voice yelling, "Why are you doing this to me?!"
I think you do need to see how he will be on his own, without your help. I am learning that someone will always feel victimized if they are compensating too long for what the other person in the relationship lacks. I know how confusing it is to have history with someone and to care so much for them, but to be confused as to whether or not this time is "different" or if they will continue to be a broken record.