cece

So my son hasn't called in a week. Not since I told him I wouldn't help him pay for a lawyer and told him to stick to his public defender. which is all good and fine when I am feeling so sure of what I am doing. then he doesn't call, and so i try to call even though i know i shouldn't. my gut tells me he is falling more and more into his addiction and I know more crap and pain is coming. i have been there before so I know whats next.
We had such an Awesome Summer when he was actively in recovery. I let myself enjoy my son again, actually relaxed a little but... He went back. and the trouble started soon after, legally as well as everything else. even though I know i shouldn't call his friends who might know how to get in touch with him . I did.( you have no idea the ways i have found in the past that i can track down my son but had been doing so well at avoiding) and even they aren't sure where he is. I thought about all the ways i could find out what and where he is, ( trust me on this i could hold a class in how to hunt someone down) So I finally stopped... and said to myself, knock this off! its counter productive to your recovery!!!! just because he has relapsed doesn't mean I have to. Although I am a Flaming codependant ( as my counselor loves to say) so I tend to lean towards, " where he goes I follow!" I am fighting it. And it feels less of an emotional attack, less of a physical sick reaction, less like the sick/anxiety/ pain i had felt when he fell before. Its more of a sad, a little anxious, a little discouraged ,but its not taking over my life. So thats better right? Well i'm going to say its better!! i'll take what i can give myself in pats on the back. thanks for listening!

bookmiser

Your alot stronger than I was when I first started recovery.
You seem to know exactly what you should do for yourself.
I know. I know. Easier said then done. I'll say it for ya. lol
I know all the feelings, cause I sometimes still let them overtake
me. Baby steps, right?
Your doing great and I'm glad your here. You've got a great voice
for reasoning. I think I'll listen. Thanks.
Hugs to you, ((((((cece2))))))

greeteachday

((((Cece))))) recognizing it is such a huge part of change. You really are doing so well. It's super, super hard not to want to check and call and worry and not sleep...and not eat (or eat too much) and live the addicts life rather than our own. I don't think anyone's pain is more than another's in addiction, but I do think it is particularly hard for a mom to detach. It is contrary to everything we have learned and to our instincts.

I'm praying that your HP gives you continued strength and comfort and that he walks with your son through his journey to again finding recovery. Sometimes that downward spiral is fast in order to pull them back into the clean world. I pray this is the case for your son. Hugs

devastated

I haven't been around too much and may have missed why your son needs a lawyer.

My son always had public defenders too. His first, and worse, charge was using a public defender and I thought he did a great job. However, we were living in a big city then.

They just don't realize how much it costs for a lawyer. Especially a criminal lawyer!

A friend of mine got a criminal lawyer for her son for some trouble he got into and, he got off; however, it costs her over 60,000!!! Two months later he was in trouble again and needed a lawyer again! She did it again! Nice to have money to throw away huh?

Don't worry he'll call you. Ask Ann how many times I said that and how many times she said "he'll call." He did!

Take care of yourself.

Hugs, Devastated

marle

My daughter almost always calls sooner or later. But there have been times when I was really worried. Turned out that she was okay but things were going downhill in her and the abf's addictions and she just wanted to isolate. Sometimes the guilt and shame keeps them from calling. Anvil used the analogy of if you are coming back from a great vacation you call because you want to share the happy times, but if you are living in your own self-made hell, you just want to be left alone. I have thought of this during those times that my daughter does not return a call or text message. As hard as it is, you have to go on with your own life. Your son will do what he is going to do and no amount of worry or wasted sleep will change that. Sending hugs to you and I hope you feel better. Marle

Lobo

Cece,
You are doing better than I was when I first started to take care of myself. I still have my relapses too. I always say that being co-dependent taught me how to be a wonderful private investigator. I was very good at what I did. It became a full time job. You are learning early.....I admire your strong will.

My daughter told me that the times that she didn't connect with me was because of shame. She needed to be left alone in her own misery. She didn't even have to tell me because I knew. You know the feeling you get, the mom's intuition.....we are usually right.

You are right, you don't have to relapse with him............stay strong.

Hugs..........Lo

kj21

Hi Cece, You sound like you are doing fine, it must be hard to be a mom to an addict...stay strong in your own recovery, he came back to you before, he'll do it again. My prayers to your family!!!

caileesnana

Been there and done those things too! It is so, so hard. You are in my prayers,
susan