my3munchkin

We have been married for over 9yrs and have 3 children. Last Friday, my middle child broke his finger at school. I called dh to see if he could go pick him up because my boss would not let me off. His boss told me that he is not at work, has been coming in late, taking off early and not showing up at all for the past few weeks. The boss told me that dh sold our car for $750, pawned all of his tools (dh is a mechanic), and the boss had loaned him $300 to get the tools out of pawn but dh did not get them out. I also found out that dh had stolen a pad of my checks and had been using them. He had at least 5 come back as NSF. He also took my credit card and ran that up.
The car that dh sold is financed. He only had $500 left to pay it off. But he has not made a payment since the end of July.
I confronted dh and he admitted that he has been addicted to pain pills for around 1 1/2 years. He said that he also smokes marijana

rozied

Hi, Welcome to the group. You have come to the right place when dealing with addiction. I think what you mean by dh is divorced husband but I'm not sure..............if you are divorced then you are not living together? Am I right?
All you can do is protect yourself & your children & educate yourself about addiction. It is a disease & there is nothing anyone can do to stop them unless they are ready.
Love,
Diane
PS Read the Stickeys on the top of the page & if you feel the need for more than SR you can go to an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting in your area.

my3munchkin

Sorry, I meant dear husband. Or darn husband.

krhea75

Hey,
Welcome to the club. I'm so sorry that he is doing this. Is he open to getting help? My son is my addict and it has taken a long 3 years for him to actually start working the program for himself. You're in my prayers.
krhea

my3munchkin

He went into rehab Tuesday. He said he does want to quit. He called me a few minutes ago. He does not know when he will get out. He said they did not drug test him. He has to help clean the building and go to meetings and see a counselor.
They did test him for tb though. Not sure why. He said all he has been on is pain pills and marijana. I told him that he had to be honest to get better and he said he is being honest.

bookmiser

(((My3Munchkins)))

Gosh, I'm sorry for your pain. Man! What a shocker. Did you have any idea what was going on?
My 25 yo son is the addict in my life, but I've been codependent to everyone in my family, all of my life. Drugs, alcohol, abuse. Just to name a few things.
I'm glad you found sr., but so sorry for the reason.
I hope that before your ah (addicted husband) comes home, that you take measures to ensure the financial safety of your home. Meaning, lock up everything.
He cannot have access to any money, jewelry, or anything else that he might sell.
Trust me. I know this from experience. You need to focus on you and your children.
Whats best for them and you.
Sending prayers up for you and your family. This is a long road we travel, but a good one, once you get some recovery time under your belt. You will start to feel better.
You will learn ways to take care of you and your situation.
I hope you continue to stop in to share and read others stories. Also, read books on the subjects of addiction, recovery, codependency, enabling, and detaching.
I pray your husband has hit his rock bottom and wants to get better.
Someone who cares,
Linda

Louise54

Welcome to SR, but sorry about the circumstances. My son is my addict. He's 22. You definitely have to hide everything when he gets home. My son is in recovery right now, but I still find myself hiding my money and any valuables, because it's hard to trust again. They really have to earn it, and my ras is still borderline.

Sending my hugs and prayers to you and your family. It's a tough road, but somehow we all get through it. And remember your not alone. Lots of great people here and advice. Keep reading.

kj21

Hi, so sorry you have to go through this. He has really messed up. Job, tools, money from boss, your checks and credit card!!!!! WOW!! I agree, lock up everything. do not let him have access to your bank account when he gets out. My ABF went to rehab also, he has been trying to stay clean for a year, he still messes up as most addicts do after thier first attempt. It is great he is there and wants to get help, baby steps, they have to start somewhere. I hope he makes it after his first attempt but please protect yourself and kids from future financial problems just in case!!! Sending your family good thoughts and prayers, you are not alone, many of us have been where you are and still are!

cece

Welcome "my3"

wow! what a whirlwind week for you. You just found out your husband is an addict, you have been hurt financially and emotionally by him, and he's off to treatment already! Good for him, his children, and you! Being away from him while you begin to take in all this is a good thing! As everyone else has said, get help for you fast! I don't know how long his treatment program is but take advantage of it. Educate yourself as much as you can about addiction and the addict,and codependancy:people who love addicts.( REad the Stickys above the posts). everything everyone else has said about protecting yourself is true. Its not that we don't want them to come out of treatment " curied" we know its a long process and DOESN"T STOP WHEN THEY GET HOME. Actually thats when the REAL work usually begins. Many steps forward and backwards just like any journey in life so we want you to hang on and be prepared. Do this by going to meetings. Nar-anon( loved ones of substance abusers) if available but Al-anon( loved ones of alcoholics) is great also. you learn so much about YOU and how to find your place in all this. Most of all the meetings and here are places where you are loved and supported no matter what! There are people who will be where you are anywhere you are in the journey so keep coming back. At least for the hugs and prayers! So heres some for you, your 3 beautiful kids and your husband!

Cathy

Spinner-007

I'm really sorry to hear about that, My3. I just found out about my wife's addiction to pain meds last month(married 6 years, have 3 kids), and I'm realizing our plans and our dreams together have already changed.

Please read the 'I am an addict' post at the very top on the board. It really helped me keep the mindset that I was dealing with somebody that's not quite my wife anymore. He, like my wife, is sick.

And welcome to one of the best places family members can come to for guidance, a sounding board, advice, shared experiences and also comfort.

You are not alone, My3. Not here.

My prayers, and my biggest hug, to you and your family.

Spinner-007

CORRECTION: the actual post is called 'WHAT ADDICTS DO'. Spinner.

HKAngel24

Welcome to SR.

This place has an endless well of support and compassion.

I am so sorry you are dealing with what you are dealing with - it is comforting to come to a place with others understand and have been in your shoes. You are not alone- I know that was monumental for me, in terms of dealing with the situation.

I honestly believe that they all want to get better. If HE is getting better than I would also encourage you to begin to think about the ways in which this has had an effect on you, emotionally, spiritually and even physically. Other's addictions not only destroy them but they also infect us as well. I can moderately relate to the addict's lack of honesty in terms of usage- when I was using self defeating behaviors to cope with the stressors in my life and I was questioned in a treatment center about my methods- I wasn't ready to get better, so I didn't tell the truth.
But as I came to find out- we lie loudest when we lie to ourselves. There is nothing more comforting and damaging than denial.

Try to do something nice for yourself. I hesitate giving advice I cannot take myself, but I just think back to when my abf was in rehab and I would sit by the phone waiting for a call, an update- how my life was on hold and that was my focus. I haven't experienced a drastic change, but I am working on developing new tools in which I begin focusing on the only person I can control, myself.

My thoughts are with you.

my3munchkin

Well he got out of rehab Sunday. I let him come back home but told him if he goes back to drugs, it would be over for good. He did good all day Sunday. He did not go anywhere. Today, he had to go back for assessment. He starts meetings next week. He has to go Tues-Thurs from 6-9pm. I will be able to go one night but I'm not sure when.
I am so scared though today. I am afraid that he might go and try to get some pills. I know who he got them from. Should I call that person and tell them not to sell or give my hubby any? Should I report this person to the police?
My hubby went to talk to his boss to see if he will let him come back to work. But one guy that works there takes the pills also. Hubby is kinda worried about being around him.
Thanks for the advice everyone. I appreciate it.

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, my3...glad you found us. my daughter is an alcoholic/addict and alanon meetings and private counseling really help me. blessings, k

kj21

If it is one thing I have learned is you cannot control it. If you call this guy and tell him not to sell to your husband it will not stop your hubby from getting them if he really wants them. It is now up to your husband to stay clean, you cannot get rid of all the pill pushers/drug dealers. they are everywhere! Hugs to you! Try to focus on you, what will you do if he uses, make a plan to fall back on and then hope and pray your H will stay clean and you won't have t use your plan!!

Spinner-007

My3, I too am working to realize that I can't control my wife and her addiction. I wanted to call all the physicians she had in the last 6 months(she had 14 in a rotation) to get them to stop. But after talking to 3, I found our that no matter what I did, she will always find another physician to make that prescription.

I was exhausted and emotionally spent(after just 3!). I realized that I need to focus my energies on myself and my kids. My wife will do what she wants to do, and KJ put it the best: I'm putting together a plan B and praying that I don't have to use it.

Thanks, KJ. I too appreciate your advice.

Best to you, My3.

my3munchkin

Well my husband went back to work yesterday and ended up quiting. He came by my job around 12:45. He was shaking. He went and sat in his truck and when I went out to see him, he was crying. He told me that the other employees were in the back room smoking marijana and trying to get him to smoke with them. He asked them to quit because he just got out of rehab and was trying to quit. They told him they knew but didn't care. They kept trying to get him to smoke with them. He went to his boss told him they were smoking dope in the back room. His boss knew about it and told hubby that he did not want to hear his personal problems. Hubby told me he had to quit or he would have ended up smoking with them and going back to the pills. I told him I was proud of him for refusing. I felt so bad for him though cause he was just shaking and crying. It sucks that the other workers were trying to tempt him into smoking again.

Now he just has to find another job. I told him he needs to find a new line of work because at every mechanics place he has worked, someone smoked dope or something. He is going to job service today to find another job.

Impurrfect

My3M -

Sorry your hubby had to go thru that, but I think it's GREAT that he did what he needed to do to stay clean.

Prayers to you and your family.
Amy

hope213

welcome to S.R. i am glad you found us. first off please get your bank account in your name only.hide everything of value.read "what addicts do" at the top of the forum over & over.set boundries & keep coming back here. it is a very hard ,long road with an addict.my prayers for u & your family.

bookmiser

(((((My3Munchkins)))))

I hope he can find another job soon. Too much time on his hands isn't good either.
He's better off leaving his job if they sit around and get high there. What kinda
business/employer lets their employees sit around and get high.
What a JackA$$.
Take things one day at a time and make sure to take care of you and your munchkins. Your hubbys sobriety is up to him.
Praying for you and your family,
Linda