rozied

And thats just the way it is.
My AS in back in jail. I cannot BELIEVE my parents are so ignorant. After everything he has done last week my dad gave him money to pay Domestic Relations. He even went there with him. My AS went in one door & out another & left my dad standing there for 2 hours.
I as usual knew nothing about this when it happened. Sunday was my AS birthday. He got a car Saturday & picked my parents up & everyone came here for dinner. He told me he bought the car through work. Noone told me anything about what had happened at Domestic Relations. The 3 of them acted like it was just a normal day.
On Tuesday my AS called me & I was busy. He was suppossed to call me back.
When he didn't call by 10:30pm I called his cell phone & it was off. He didn't call me back. On Wednesday I again tried to call him.....his cell was still off. My parents called me late in the day & it told me he had been arrested and they were at Domestic trying to pay $46 to have him released. Then they told me about the money that he took off with at Domestics the wk before. He bought a car & insurance with the money. Here my parents were still at Domestic trying to get him released even after he did that to my dad the wk before. I just cannot believe how gullible my parents can be.
It turned out that he was arrested at 3:59AM Wednesday for Retail Theft, Possession of Controlled Substance, Parole Violation, and False Identity.
This is ALL beyond belief...........sounds like something out of a bad movie.
Thanks for letting me vent,
Diane

MsPINKAcres

((rozied))

sending out prayers for you, your parents & for your AS

Rita

TrishaV

You know....i know that your parents mean well and without fully understanding addiction ..feel that they are helping him (bless their hearts). Hopefully..one day they will understand and back away so that he can learn that you can't treat people this way. I know I had to argue with my mother and it almost had gotten to a point where I was ready to tell her that if she didn't back off, I wanted nothing more to do with her. Instead, we sat down and put things into perspective. She may not understand fully why I am not out looking for my daughter on a nightly basis..but.she now knows not to interfere with things.

I hope things get better for you and your family!!

rozied

Thanks Trish & Rita.
Trish my son has been addicted to coke for 20yrs now & my parents have said a million times they are done with him but so far it hasn't ended.
Now again today they have both said they are finished. I can only hope & pray they finally mean it. I have tried to convince them that unless we all cut him loose & he has to do it for himself it won't work.
Thanx Again,
Love,
Diane

caileesnana

Hi, wondered where you'd been!


You parents are from another generation, I"m sure they feel stupid they stood there and are now trying to "fix" another problem. I'm so sorry for them, and you. AS will learn, one way or the other sooner or later!!

Glad you're doing OK, your recovery sounds loud and clear!
susan

cece1960

I'm sorry Rozied. Sorry that this is yet another round of chaos, and that you have to witness both your son's behavior, and your parents' pain.
On a better note...perhaps you knew nothing of this because they know where you firmly stand on these issues? We can't make others behave differently, but we can refuse to play along.
I hope things begin to improve for your family
(((Hugs)))
Cece

Impurrfect

So sorry you are going through this and am hoping your son AND your parents "get it" soon.

I'm thinking, though, that with new charges, including a parole violation, this may be something they CAN'T rescue him from. As addiction progresses, there comes a time that money can't "fix it"....more time behind bars is their only option. I know, here in GA, you may be able to eventually pay your way out of a probation violation, but I haven't seen any parole violators get out of doing more time in prison, often with extra time added for each charge.

This may sound harsh, but it's said with love....if he does go back to prison it will give you and your parents a break and time to see if they really want to continue having their world revolve around someone who doesn't seem to want to make changes, I hope that they can use this time to meet some people who can make them understand that they "fix" his problems, they are allowing him to make new and worse problems that will leave him dead or behind bars for a very long time (like he may do now.)

I've read your posts, but don't remember how long he's been on parole. From what I've seen, if it hasn't been on it long, and he's already messed up, then judges tend to give out longer sentences.

I know you probably don't want your son in jail but you sound like you realize that's where he needs to be. At least if he's there, about the only way he can manipulate your parents is to get money on his books.

I have a feeling you've been half expecting this. I only hope that you and your parents can get a break from the chaos and manipulation. Time to put your focus on you again.

As for your parents, they remind me of my 89-year-old grandmother - the ultimate enabler. She doesn't have money to help out my uncles and cousins, but they have all been living off her measly social security check, in her little trailer. Amazingly, my 59-year-old heroin addicted uncle finally "got it" the last time he was in prison. He got disability for severe bipolar and is actually paying all my G'ma's bills and is staying clean. Unfortunately, she is still enabling her grandkids. I love her and hate that they use her, but I learned a long time ago that nothing I can say or do will change her and she must obviously be getting something from these relationships.

Keep us posted...you still sound strong in your recovery but I know this is all very stressful to you.

Hugs and prayers to you!

Amy

Elana

Well, you know for sure they are not going to change and they will continue to do this stuff.

Actually, since you did not know anything I am hoping you had a good day with them all on Sunday (no matter how mad you are today).

Meanwhile, he is back in jail and apparently that is where he needs to be. Let it go and do something nice for YOU. It is out of your hands.

((((Diane))))

kelsh

Hi rozied, MAY TRIGGER!!!!!!!!

Your post sounds just like one I could post for my brother and my parents. Although it has been seven years since Dad passed away, he and my Mom baled my brother out of any and every thing that took responsibilty and money all of his adult life.

He is 65 now and I am 67. When Dad died (Mom died four years earlier) my brother had been living with him, helping take care of him.....I didn't know what really was going on since I lived across the state from them. It was an eye opener for me when I made a visit and found out my brother had started drinking again, wasn't working but living off of Dad, and Dad didn't seem to mind or fully didn't understand what was going on due to some dementia caused by heart problems not getting enough oxygen to his brain.

When my Dad died, I was there a week and observed just what was going on with my brother. I had never been around him when he was drinking so this was hard for me. Then when I was getting ready to go, I told him what I would miss most was looking for Mother's Day & Father's Day cards. His response was I will miss not having someone to depend on.

I didn't know about all the times he had been in jail until my Mom's funeral when he had gotten released from jail the day of her funeral. He was arrested again before the Probate of Dad's will was completed. He had his girl-friend call me to see if I would bail him out of jail. I told her No! I also told her he could call the lawyer that is handling the probate and maybe he can get some of his estate money to bail himself out. He had been in jail about a month before he got this accomplished.

I was just horrified at this but then when I went to see him again....he was living in the family home still.....he had a bedroom rented out to a homeless person, had no cable, phone, electricity, water, garbage, nor home owners insurance. He just used the money from renting the bedroom for his alcohol. He was getting water from the neighbors to flush the toilet.

I went back home and called my oldest daughter that is a lawyer and asked what my options were and she thought I should hire a lawyer there in Hoquiam to help me see the house is put up for sale and followed through with.

I did that and everything is still pending and there is a court order now for a certain real estate office to handle the property....a five bedroom home on a big lot... and now my brother won't call me and I don't have a way to call him since he has the house phone disconnected and uses a cell phone. I have heard that the homeless people are still there and he is living with a girlfriend that is willing to take care of him in his drunkin stupers. Oh Well I have done what I could do and accepted what I can't do so it is in HP's hands now.

I also have a son that drove over a cliff whild drunk to do suicide and survived. He now is a quadraplegic and is 38 years old living in his own place with caregivers coming in to help him. Alcohol & drug problems are never ending in our society today and it is the parents, husbands, or wives, & children that suffer that aren't the addict. I quit drinking 19 years ago but I am not jaded yet. We all have to be responsible for our actions sober and drunk or high.

kelsh

mooselips

((((Rozied))))
I'm thinking your sons H.P. has him right where he wants him right now.
Warm, safe and fed, and away from his enablers!


My MIL is doing the same with my BIL, he's on his 4th DUI, and she keeps paying and lying for him, so he won't do jail time.....she just can't "get it"



Hugs to you,

Lovestoomuch

((Rozied))

cece

I know how it feels when your family thinks that family should " take-care" of each other, and "be there" for each other, through thick and thin as they say. My family is a poster family for enabling! I am finding that educating them in small doses as to why I am doing things the way I am helps a lot. When they haven't been exposed to the recovery that I have, I have to understand that they are only doing what they think is right and loving, even if it isn't helpful. I keep doing what I know is best for me, and know that I can't control them any more than I can control the addict. But since they are a little saner than my AS, i do try to educate, again in small doses! good luck and prayers to you and your son.

rozied

MANY HUGH HUGS FOR EVERYONE,
Thank you all for your heartfelt responses. Yes I think I am strong in my recovery.
It just hurts me so much to see my 87 yr old parents being used & abused even though they are allowing it to happen. THEY SWEAR they are done finally but if not I won't be surprised.
Its so aggravating though seeing their hard earned money being thrown away....................my sister & I feel if they want to give away their money there are 3 other grandchildren that could use a hand cuz then their money would do some good.........but we both know its out of our control.
I think with 4 new charges against him this time he won't be staying in a county prison. This time its gonna be the big house.
All I can do is pray everyday & give him to his HP.
Thanx again everyone,
Love,
Diane

pjbs55

(((((Diane))))
Your recovery is shining. You are right he will most likely go to the big house. Your son's HP will put him where he needs to be. I will pray that he remains safe.
I also hope your parents finally get it this time.
Sending you hugs and prayers,

bookmiser

(((((((Diane))))))))

Aww, sweetie. Well, this will maybe give your parents a much needed break from "taking care of him", huh?
Gosh, I don't know what to say, except maybe, I missed ya.
It's been awhile and I hope you are keeping your focus on you and taking care of you. I know life sometimes gets in the way of reaching out to others, but you know where we are, so dang it, reach out and talk to us. lol
I love ya, Rozied. You pm me real soon, k?

dollydo

Diane,

Sounds like you are doing a pretty good job of coping. All you can do is turn him over to the HP.

As we discussed this had to happen, it was just a matter of time.

I am sorry you are going through this yet again, perhaps, if he is left alone to face the music, he may finally reach his bottom, and turn his life around.

You are in my prayers,

Dolly

rozied

Pam, Book & Dolly thanks for the warm words & your posts.
I really should make time to get on everyday if only for a little while.
Hope everything is ok with you all.
Love,
Diane

marle

Rozied, Just sending you some hugs. You know I understand where you are coming from and I hope that this is not only a wake up call for your son but also for your parents as well. Sending everyone prayers. Hugs, Marle

rozied

Thanx Marle. Hope everything is ok with you.
Love,
Diane

greeteachday

((((Diane))))) It never ends, does it? It has to be so hard, not just seeing your son continue to make bad choices, but especially watching your parents continue to enable him. I must confess, I sure wish HP would lety you control that part a bit...I hate that they are still falling for his manipulations

Hang on my friend...you are doing well and I know for me, it helps to share things like this. Prayers for comfort and serenity and prayers for enlightenment for your folks. Hugs