Update
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 4
Update
Continued from:
1: soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/132960-my-story-hello-all-well-met.html
2: soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/133777-my-story-contd.html
Well I suppose it was almost inevitable. I didn't make it through day 18.
Being that that was the longest I had ever been sober, I guess I can say that was my first relapse.
I know this isn't easy and I know I am not perfect. I know I will make mistakes from time to time, but I can't forgive myself.
Yesterday was a sober day, and today is day 2 again. Will I make it to day 19 this time? Or month 1? I have no idea if I will. I will be happy to just make it to day 3 at this point, and go from there.
I watched a video on liveleak.com where a personality named Radio-Man posted a video to mark his 5th day sober from drugs and alcohol. It was very touching and even though I don't know the guy, my hear went out to him. I'm only dealing with alcohol here, but I guess I have a feeling how hard it must be for him.
He had one experience I think I never would have had. An intervention. I, unfortunately, don't have the quantity or quality of friends or family that would plan an intervention for me. I had some good support from a few people, but I fear that I lost a great deal of that support on day 18. I look back at the IM archives and cannot fathom how I got into a frame of mind where I was telling these beloved friends to forget I ever existed. When one of them asked if I had been drinking again, even though she didn't need to - she knew the truth, I told her to let me die the way I wanted to die.
That was cruel, thoughtless, hurtful, selfish, and untrue. Oh how I wish that words could be unspoken. But I suppose i cannot dwell on these events too much or I will only seep deeper in that slump. I must not forget the pain I have caused my friends, but I must also not let that pain and regret for causing it rule me. I must take charge of my situation, because no one else can.
1 day at a time, each one a battle. I think I understand that now.Well i may have lost the battle on what would have been my 18th day of sobriety, but I refuse to surrender the war.
Til next time, wish me luck.
1: soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/132960-my-story-hello-all-well-met.html
2: soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/133777-my-story-contd.html
Well I suppose it was almost inevitable. I didn't make it through day 18.
Being that that was the longest I had ever been sober, I guess I can say that was my first relapse.
I know this isn't easy and I know I am not perfect. I know I will make mistakes from time to time, but I can't forgive myself.
Yesterday was a sober day, and today is day 2 again. Will I make it to day 19 this time? Or month 1? I have no idea if I will. I will be happy to just make it to day 3 at this point, and go from there.
I watched a video on liveleak.com where a personality named Radio-Man posted a video to mark his 5th day sober from drugs and alcohol. It was very touching and even though I don't know the guy, my hear went out to him. I'm only dealing with alcohol here, but I guess I have a feeling how hard it must be for him.
He had one experience I think I never would have had. An intervention. I, unfortunately, don't have the quantity or quality of friends or family that would plan an intervention for me. I had some good support from a few people, but I fear that I lost a great deal of that support on day 18. I look back at the IM archives and cannot fathom how I got into a frame of mind where I was telling these beloved friends to forget I ever existed. When one of them asked if I had been drinking again, even though she didn't need to - she knew the truth, I told her to let me die the way I wanted to die.
That was cruel, thoughtless, hurtful, selfish, and untrue. Oh how I wish that words could be unspoken. But I suppose i cannot dwell on these events too much or I will only seep deeper in that slump. I must not forget the pain I have caused my friends, but I must also not let that pain and regret for causing it rule me. I must take charge of my situation, because no one else can.
1 day at a time, each one a battle. I think I understand that now.Well i may have lost the battle on what would have been my 18th day of sobriety, but I refuse to surrender the war.
Til next time, wish me luck.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
I hope you never stop trying and I hope you get way past Day 19.
This is hard to do, but as you said, we learn each time we go through something. So, what can you do differently this time to get you past Day 18? And, you're right to not dwell on the negative because it can be totally overwhelming. Just move forward.
This is hard to do, but as you said, we learn each time we go through something. So, what can you do differently this time to get you past Day 18? And, you're right to not dwell on the negative because it can be totally overwhelming. Just move forward.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
1 day at a time, each one a battle. I think I understand that now.Well i may have lost the battle on what would have been my 18th day of sobriety, but I refuse to surrender the war.
As long as you do not surrender as you said you will not lose the war to stop drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by Tazman53 
Hey you got 18 days, that is great, you will always have that, what are you willing to do different/extra this time that you did not do before? Where you trying to do it alone? With a support group out side of SR?
As long as you do not surrender as you said you will not lose the war to stop drinking.
As long as you do not surrender as you said you will not lose the war to stop drinking.
as for what to do different or extra, I would like to invite people from SR to IM me sometime...I use ***** nickname is the same as on here. Thanks
. 18 days is great! I would say post here more and you'll gain even more support.
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