sheisanaddict

Hi;

My daughter has been a drug user since 14, she will soon be 22.
The last 18 months she has detoxed at home, and detoxed in inpatient locations.
Drugs of choice have been ocyd,crack and now heroin.

She was released three weeks ago, clean of all drugs, attended two weeks of out patient treatment. Went to AA meetings

She began using this week. I have asked her to return to treatment or move out. I have decided that I need to take care of myself and the rest of my family has to live too.

I have given her $$$ for daily living, listened to all her stories of why, I just am tired.

Am I doing the right thing?

cece1960

Welcome (((SAA))
I'm sorry you are going through this, and yes, you are doing what you have to do to get through this.
It is so easy for us parents to get taken down with them, leaving us empty to help ourselves, or to maintain any sort of relationship with other loved ones.
I know this because my son is who brought me here, on my knees...he was using heroin.
There is hope though, and your daughter has the tools she needs to change her life.
Unfortunately, we can't speed the process along.
Setting boundaries of what I would allow in my life was a turning point for me.
I'll keep your family in my prayers
(((Hugs)))
Cece

caileesnana

yes, you have to take care of you. An addict will use and manipulate anyone, mostly those that love them most. Read the sticky's above and some of the other posts of all us mom's w/ addict kids. You are in the right place and sound like you have a good handle on what to do. She has to help herself, until then, there not anything you can do...and it hurts like hell!

prayers for you and your daughter, I understand your pain.
susan

Elana

Welcome and Yes, you are doing the right thing.

sheisanaddict

Thank you for your answers
I attended a program sponsered by The Henley Center in Palm Beach, the program was sponsered by a local treatment center on Cape Cod(yes wonderful Cape Cod has the same out of control problems) The speaker reinforced my feelings on taking care of myself.

It really breaks my heart, I sit at this computer on the verge of tears. The fear factor also kicks in what ifs can be very powerful.
Thanks again, it is helpful to know I am not alone her.

cece

""SAS"""

you are doing the right thing. . If you are on the verge of tears, then let them fall. but then get strong again. I have a 22 year old son and am now learning that the "help" I gave him, only has enabled his decline. Believe it or not but I can tell I am getting better, and he is having to look to himself for answers, because his manipulating attempts directed at me are getting more desperate and less overt! Yes it is hard, and sometimes I have to get mad ( inside) by remembering the crap he has pulled before, to stay tough when he calls crying , but it doesn't mean I love him less. In fact I am bound and determined to show him that I do love him by letting him get it. Keep going to nar-anon or al-anon meetings they are my strength. there will be people there who are where you are!! Their love and support will give you strength. And keep coming here we understand.
Lots of love and prayers to you and your daughter.

Lobo

((((Sheisanaddict))))

My heart goes out to you. My daughter is the addict in my life. she is 26 yrs. old. She started using at the age of 21. It has been a very rough road for her and I.
She made a lot of bad choices and has done a lot of damage to herself. I on the other hand tried to fix her. I chased after her, I provided her with all of the luxuries that life has to offer, I paid for rehabs. I was on a mission to save my daughter from the depts of hell. I was doing it alone, I am single. Well, after years of becoming sick and exhausted, I was no better than she was. Recently she served a stint in jail....not her first. She decided to take care of her self. She detoxed herself
and today she is doing well. She has had her relapses, but she has caught herself right away and got back on track. She is a lot different today, not perfect, but better.
As for me, I learned that there is nothing I can do for her but let her go and make her own choices. I learned the hard way, because nothing I did saved her.

I asked her what made her finally get it, she said "When I got so tired of the chase for drugs. It is a full time job trying to stay on drugs and not be sick. When I didn't have one dollar to buy a bottle of water. When I had to chose between food or drugs. When I had to sleep in parking lots. I am just tired, tired, tired. It is all just too much work to live that way."

I became very sick of it all too. I had to start taking care of myself in spite of it or else I was going to die the way I was living. I felt dead inside. It has affected me in a way I have never felt before. I reached out for help. I went to some meetings, read books, and prayed, prayed, prayed. The thing that helped me the most was being on SR. The people I met here really understand how I feel.

We are both better today, because we both decided to take some control of our lives.
I know that whatever she choses I now have the tools I need to take care of myself.
I can't live her life for her, and I can't control her life. I can only control my life and how I want to live. I deserve to be happy and healthy. I am learning everyday. I am by no means completely set free from this, but I am a lot better than I was because I am learning to let her go.

You will have to let your daughter go and let her make her own choices, That is the only way she will learn to take care of herself. In the process you have to take care of yourself......whatever it takes. Stay with us here, there are a lot of mom's that are going through the same thing that you are.

My blessings on you and your daughter, I understand your pain.

Lo