Humblehearted

My son is 26 years old and is an intervenous drug user. He mainly shoots Morphine, but has also shot Morphine and Cocaine at the same time. Last year, he told me that he knew he was going to die if he didn't quit. Both of his arms were black and blue.

We had a heart to heart yesterday. We were both crying. I was crying so hard that I couldn't hardly drive! (I've been crying for days, actually.) I feel as though I am watching him kill himself and there's nothing I can do but watch. The torment is unbearable. I don't think I could bear it if anything happened to him. I asked him 'why'. He said he just didn't care anymore. I asked him 'why' he didn't care anymore. He was crying and said that he didn't have anything to care about.

I feel that he is severely depressed and questioned if he was bipolar (even as a child). I know drugs give mood swings but he had emotional problems long before.

Anyway, to make a long story short, they taught him in inpatient rehab that there is no such thing as bipolar and things like that. They told him that was an excuse people used to get drugs (which could also be true). However, I majorly disagree. I do believe there is such a thing as a chemical imbalance in the brain.

He agreed to go see a psychiatrist but she's not going to counsel or try to give him anything for depression if he isn't in N/A or A/A meetings. Maybe, that is his first step? Oh brother! I'm rambling. Please forgive. Thanks for listening!

A BROKEN MOM~

Spiritual Seeker

An MD psychiatrist and PhD psychologits both told my addicted 23 yr old son that they could not make a bipolar diagnosis until he was sober for a yr
Addiction needs to be the primary disease that has to be arrested before the psych problems can be determ and dealt with.
There is no point to add meds for bipolar if drugs and alcohol are still being used.
I know you want to help your son. I always offer my son treatment and when he refuses I have no choice but to figure out detachment so that two of us don't go down. I feel for you.

Ann

That's my understanding too, that they cannot make any kind of accurate assessment if someone is active in their addiction. Sometimes addicts lie and an assessment is made and medication is prescribed...but that just presents a whole new problem.

Many time when an addict gets clean AND works a program of recovery to address the issues that led him to drink...when they get clean the "problem" often disappears or lessens enough that it is manageable without medication.

My son is an addict so I know your heartbreak, but all the crying in the world, all the begging, pleading, negotiating, threatening, bribing and scheming just couldn't get my son clean. Most addicts won't get clean until the pain of using becomes greater than the fear of stopping. Hopefully your son is close to that place.

My prayers go out for both of you.

Hugs

kelsh

I have done it both ways. The first time I sobered up and then got treatment for my depression. It didn't work or I didn't work it much more than a year and then drank for 14 more years. I self-medicated my depression with alcohol.

This time when I quit, I got treatment for my alcoholism and depression at the same time....I should say the pscychotherapy for depression but not a theraputic dose of antidepressant until about 9 months after I quit drinking. I almost died before I got the necessary medication. I had to be hospitalized in a psyc-unit in another town from where I lived.

Get this.....my doc was afraid to give me a theraputic dose of antidepressant but had me on Ativan, Doxipin (a small dose), & sleeping pills. Now that I know what I do know about meds....the Ativan & sleeping pills were much worse for me than more antidepressant would have been.

I did get a diagnosis of Clinical Depression/anger/anxiety driven. I attended my counseling, AA meetings every evening, and follow-up appointments with my doc. I did this for a solid year and then went back to college at night and worked half days. It took two years to get my BA Degree in Psychology and I got a job at the local County Mental Health Agency.

There were a lot of ups and downs trying to find the right combination of meds for my depression (chemical imbalance in my brain turned out to be more connected to the amount of Serotonin I needed to balance me out) but I now have 19 years of continuous sobriety and help for my depression. I still take an antidepressant and a mood elevator + work the AA Program in my daily life. The Serenity Prayer has been my Biggest help besides the face to face meetings. I have been very stable for one year now with my depression and moods.

I hope I don't offend anyone but we do have to remember that our chemical make-up is different for each one of us. Our drugs of choice are all different. Our willingness to get sober and work the AA Program is different for all of us. It takes what it takes to get clean and sober for each and everyone of us. Some people are lucky and make it but there are also some that want to be clean and sober that don't make it. I don't have an answer for that. I guess that is up to each individual and their HP.

Take Care All,

kelsh

bookmiser

((((((HumbleHearted)))))))



Hi, I'm Linda. My 25 yo son is the addict in my life.
I just wanna tell you that your not alone. There are alot of us here
that feel that someday, we may have to bury our child because of their drug addiction. My son use to shoot heroin. For 5 years, it was a living nightmare for him, and I. I, because I did everything I could do to fix him and him, because I was helping him kill himself. Doesn't sound right, does it? It's the truth, though.
The more you know about addiction, enabling, codependency, and detaching, the better equipt you'll be, to actually do some good for your loved one.
The truth is, I saved my son's life, by calling the police on him after he broke into our home and robbed us. I sent him to jail for 6 months. He kicked heroin there.
Don't get me wrong, my son is still an active addict. He just no longer plays russian roulette with him life. I, on the other hand, found soberrecovery and started to work on changing myself and my way of thinking.
My son swears he is bi-polar, yet he's never been diagnosed. He was suppose to go to see a psychiatrist this past Tuesday, but claims he got lost and when he did get there, they told him he couldn't see the doctor because he was late. They rescheduled him for next week. In the meantime, he's taking "samples" that his bi-polar gf gave to him. I just step back from the chaos and drama and give my son over to his HP and pray that He leads him down a good path. To recovery. It's all most of us can do here.
One thing I've learned that's very important to remember are the 3 C's.
1. You didn't cause it.
2. You can't control it.
3. You can't cure it.

Secondly, if you are able to attend face to face alanon/naranon meetings, do so.
The support you get there will benefit you greatly.
Next. Read all you can. There are lots of books that can help you.
Start with Melodie Beattie's, "Codependent, No More."
Keep coming back and sharing. Do something nice for you tomorrow.
I'll keep your son in my prayers.
A new sr friend,

Lightenup

You are in my prayers. Hopefully, he is at a point of wanting help, and at least he has talked to you. It is the hardest thing in the world to truly let go, but I know when we finally had to stop even the smallest things that our son wanted help for he had to turn to a rehab for help.........I'm hoping it saved his life, he is now 2 months clean for the first time in about six years. Take care of you, we tend to get so wrapped up in our worry for them that we totally forget to live.

Love and prayers for both of you,
Bets

DoingWell

YOU are right to be concerned and this is where rehabs and doctors FAIL. I exhibited MANY MANY symptoms LONG before the first drink or drug and all the doctors said the same thing.. so I complied, quit drinking, drugs and am now on medication to manage the bipolar and I feel so completely different than I did 10-20 years ago!
Rehabs and addictionologists focus on the here and now not fully understanding that finding the "WHY"'s can be just as important. MOST addicts drug seeking behaviors are those of self-medicating an underlying issue.. While I understand also that in order to fully diagnose and get someone on the right coctail of meds it is important to be clean and sober from all substances. There are also good physicians out there that will TREAT the underlying issues when they do the H&P if the H&P is done right and the patient is completely honest.
Way way before I started drinking and took any drugs my manic episodes used to cause me to be very reckless, irrational at times and the crashes were very severe.. those that didn't know me would swear I was drinking or drugging back then but I wasn't.

As a mom, you know your child. Talk to your child's doctor and though he might not be able to divulge info TO You.. you can provide the doctor with some key information on your son's behaviors as a child before drugs/alcohol.

I think it is always important to look at the "why's" and be curious as to where this comes from.

Elana

My exhusband was depressed. He was also an alcoholic. He tried to take his own life on several occaisions and was hospitalized. He was sent to rehab 3 times.

During one of his hosptial stays they opted to treat his psychiatric problems and set aside his alcoholism for awhile. He improved dramatically but insurance cut him loose after only 3 weeks. He was OK foor another 3 weeks and then the downward spiral began again and he self medicated with alcohol. A year later after two more suicide attempts they committed him as an inpatient in a State psychiatric facility. He died there 8 months later.

I believe if he had been kept inpatient in the one program where they worked on his psychiatric issues for 6 months he might have made it. They could have followed up at the State hospital but it seems the State facility is more just a place to hold people and not a lot of treatment, other than medication, is given there.

caileesnana

My daughter was dx w/ bipolar when she was using drugs and noone had any idea! They dx her due to assessment, no labs, drug test! A couple of years later she admitted she was using and taking the meds, she knew what she was doing. Playing the victim.

She does have major depression and PTSD, and are treatable w/ med. Maybe your son could find a sober living facitilty for 6month-year to help keep him clean then have the MD reevaluate.

Hugs and prayers to you, I know how it hurts. Stay around here, lots of good folks with wise words that will help you!
susan