rpincentex

As young adults, my husband and I used to drink frequently while we were dating. However, far too many times did we get wasted and argue until the sun came up. Hating ourselves the next day, we agreed that alcohol was the center of the problem and promised one another we would cut down, if not quite all together.

I have kept my promise throughout the years, but I am tired of the my husband's rollercoaster promises.

He will go a week or two without a drop of alcohol, and then he'll pick up an 18 pack at the grocery store, promising me to make it last through the weekend. Then that very night, he will finish almost the entire 18 pack and say he does not know why he drank so much.

My husband and I are both writers, and I know many of the greats out there were raging alcoholics/drug abuser and they glamourized their problems. My husband tells me he gets the creative juices flowing after he's had three, and tries to maintain the buzz.

Now, because my drinking has been under control for a while, we do not fight as hard or ugly as we used to. I won't let myself get to that dangerous area. I have offered to completely quit drinking with my husband, and usually he'll take up the offer for a couple of weeks and then go right back to it, thinking he has it under control.

I don't know what to do anymore. I want to help him without taking away his dignity or treating him like a child. Him and I are both self-reliant, stubbourn and prideful, so I know going to meeting or support groups would bring him down.

Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. Even if I don't get a response, I think typing this out has helped clear my mind a bit.

Barbara52

You can't do anything. Only he can decide to do something about his addiction. You treat him like an adult by pointing out your problems with his drinking and setting your boundaries and allowing him to make his choices on what he wants to do.

Sounds like another excuse for not going to me.

I also am a writer. The whole drinking to get the creative juices flowing bit strikes me as nonsense. If I were to write under the influence, it wouldn't make a whole lot of sense and sure wouldn't meet my standard for writing.

ICU

Welcome to SR rpincentex! Glad to have you here with us.

It's good that you realized that alcohol was becoming a problem for both of you, and that 'you' decided to do something about your part of it.

Well, you could go to a support group or meeting such as Alanon, without him. Just like you chose to limit, or even stop your own drinking, whether or not he decides to do the same is reallly up to him.

By you going to Alanon, for you, you won't be taking away his dignity or treating him like a child. You won't be bargaining with him or doing anything about his behavior and choices. Instead, you'll be focusing on your own, and learning what is best for you. In the end, that's really all we can do...and that's to do what is best and healthiest for ourselves. In the beginning though I found that concept very hard to comprehend...I thought I 'could fix my ex'. Nope....I could only begin to learn how to fix myself and decide what I would and would not allow in my life.

Again, welcome to SR. Oh, and read as many threads here, and in the stickies in the top as you can. There's loads of good information there too.

Keep coming back.

Zoey

Welcome to SR, (The 2 posts above are great, I was trying to do this at the same time, I will let this post anyway)

Even if he might not care for support groups perhaps you could try Al-Anon. Lots of info to learn, and ways to live with the problem with more ease.

AA has lawyers, judges, Dr's and all kinds of very intelligent people as well as just regular folks.

In my opinion every person could benefit from either program.

Read the sticky's at the top where you started your thread.
Check "Classic Reading" for some excellent books.

Keep coming back as yes, it very much helps to share by typing it out. Also on this site we all understand.

We learn that nothing works, no need to argue, suggest, etc.
Only they can help themselves. It is progressive so the time comes they cannot help themselves.

Always remember to take what you can use and leave the rest.
Glad you found us!