md20

Oh God i'm so low at the minute, so bad... I'm sorry but this is the only place i can vent my anger on this. My parents do not yet know, i live with a 11 other students in student halls, who ALL drink and of course i cant tell them. I can't tell my aunt. I just feel so alone and exhausted of lying and keeping up this stupid bloody lie that all is fab when it bloody is not. I feel so isolated right now. Im 20 - just started uni in a new city- it was not suposed to be like this. I just want to be a normal student. Not an outcast alchie at 20...Oooooh i don't know what to do. This is my tenth day sober - it really has been up and down, and today is a v bad down 4 me.Im off to an A.A meeting in a min, but even there i feel i cant always speak out and tell ppl. I've got a few numbers and use a couple now and then, however i often feel too scared to call them. It's all just a mess right now. I wish to God i wasn't this way. I wish i wasn't an alcoholic, and could just get on with things. This gets in the way of everything- where i can work, where i can socialise, how much effort i put into uni...I just want to start all over again.

parentrecovers

whoa! slow down, mandi! one day at a time! you're feeling all the things many folks feel in early recovery - you're not alone. keep reaching out - here, at aa, with the phone lists if you can. it'll will all make more sense after more sober time goes by...

hugs, k

odaat

Hi Mandi. Sorry to hear that you are feeling down ((hugs)).

I haven't really got any advice that I can offer, just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I'm really up and down at the moment. I'm finding it so hard to speak out and tell people that I'm down and scared. I just can't seem to get the words out. Well done you for phoning people, thats a great step. Did it help?

I'm off to a meeting tonight, I really need it too.

Rowan

I'm glad you're going to a meeting, Mandi.
What you're feeling is normal. Please speak up at the meeting, if only to say you are struggling. Give someone the opportunity to be there for you.
Getting sober is tough enough without doing it on your own.
Keep posting, hon.

bugsworth

Mandi, You have started all over again. God how I wished I quit years ago...so many wasted years...don't follow in my foot steps. All you have to tell people is you don't drink. You are NOT an outcast alchie. You are a young, intelligent, vibrant woman who has made the necessary steps to live a wonderful empowered life. Keep posting and don't pick up no matter what. You can do this, believe in yourself!

parentrecovers

well said, bugsworth!

SaTiT

welcome to the club. i came into reocvery at 22, some came into
younger than me. In thier teens.

I don't get out of life what I want and i don't even get
what I need. I get, what i get. it is what it is.

think of it like this..you're allergic to alcohol. You break out in a rash
of insanities and people and society and do what they want with you
when you're in that state.

if you were allergic to milk, no matter how slick, hip and cool it is or
healthy is for everydody else...you're still not going to drink milk.

think of it like this..you're getting a gift. alot of people suffers
all thier lives or into their old age and don't even know.

your on a higher education system...things they don't teach you in school.

Captain Kirk

Mandi, nobody wants to be an alcoholic. In the same was as people who have diabities probably don't want to have diabities. The fact is we're born with alcoholism, want it or not.
Take care and congratulations for your 10 Days!

Hope

Those feelings are normal. I struggle with those same feelings.

You are not alone.

Fitzpatrick

Mandi, I'm new to this recovery thing (four days), so take that into account.

Also take into account what bugsworth said: you're young, and you have a lot of good years ahead of you. I also started drinking in college, and I wasted a lot of the following 30+ years of my life being drunk and hung over.

If the people around you are drinking, maybe you should associate with other people who don't drink. That was one of my mistakes. I was hanging out with substance abusers.

I suspect that most drunks are like me: they started out getting drunk once or twice a week on just a few drinks, then drank more, and then more.

You can do it. I've known people who were such serious alcoholics that they had blackouts for days, and who overcame their addiction.

If you've made it ten days, then you can make it to eleven, and so on.

Snopup

Mandi,
If you living with a bunch of people who are still using, you need to get out and change you environment. I'm sure that there are others who don't drink there.

parentrecovers

how's miss mandi today? hugs, k

md20

Hiya, just wanted to say a HUGE thanks to all of you guys. This is what i love about this place, i can vent my anger out. But whats more is people are always so helpful and kind. You are all lovely i'm feeling btr today, felt much btr after the meeting. Im sstill depresd i guess but it passes and i feel ok again. I know its part of recovery. Thanks to all of u again, hope ur all ok 2. I'm going to 2 mtngs tonight - overload on them! keeps me away from temptation on a fri night! xxx

Jersey Nonny

When I saw the title of this thread, "I don't want to be an alchie at 20!", I immediately thought, "There could be much worse things...like being dead at 21!" And, don't think it couldn't happen!

You've been given the wonderful gift of understanding and acceptance of your disease...just keep it very simple for a while...don't drink, and make meetings. Try to relax and listen to those who've been where you are right now and made it through to the other side...you can do it...just have faith, and believe in yourself and the power of the program of AA and your Higher Power! Together we can do what we cannot do alone.

paulmh

Is right.

Welcome Mandi!

And from my old home town too.

I quit drinking and drugging when I was 21 and at university in Liverpool, and it was the most miserable two years of my life - and I often wonder, what would it have been like if I had AA at that time? In fact, how different would my whole LIFE have been!

As it was, I drank until I was 39 and then eventually went to AA. So keep swinging by and letting us know your progress - as well as venting, of course - because if you are allergic to alcohol, that'll never, ever change. And I'd like to continue to read a happy story, about someone "getting it" so early in their life.

Tazman53

Mandi congrats on the 10 days, I am kind of teary eyed right now, I was 52 when I finally gave up, the last thing I ever wanted to be was an alcoholic, but I am, thanks to AA I am a happy alcoholic!!!

The tears are for you, you saw long before I did that you needed to stop, they are tears of joy for you, you will be able to at the age of 52 look back and know that your kids were not raised by a drunk, that your first and second spouse did not have to be married to a drunk, you will be able to look back on your 20's, 30's, & 40's with a great deal of regrets. You will be able to look the world in the eyes and hold your head high for far more years then I.

Hon you are no longer alone and never have to be alone again, as long as you live you will have AA and SR, you will have sober friends that understand you and that you understand.

You can be, think about it, normal students are not drunk nor hung over, stay sober and you will be amoung the students getting good grades looking at the party animals flunking out due to drinking and hang overs and thinking to your self "There is a better way."

I am an alkie, I was an out cast when I was drinking, who the hell wants to be around or trust a drunk except another drunk? Even when I was drinking I never looked down upon a non-drinker, sometimes I was looking up at them from the floor!!!

You can do any thing you want to any time you want to by not drinking, I have found this out first hand, not only can I now do anything I want to, being sober I actually can do it better and remember all of it the next day! I can go to any social event I wish thanks to AA as long as I maintain my spiritual condition properly.

One other thing I have found is people who knew me before I quit have more respect for me now then people without a drinking problem.

Rowan

Glad you are going to 2 meetings tonight, Mandi, keep moving forward, you're doing great.

md20

Thanks tazman and every1 else who posted. Youhave certainly made me see things differently. I know it is a positive thing to realise and do something about this. It's just hard getting away from the resentment and "oh poor me"'s! but i feel horrible when im like that. Being positive is much better. It's hard work - but worth it. Thanks again, hope u r all ok xx

dave47

Definitely work on being positive Mandi,it doesn't take long to wake in a good frame of mind and carry that on.I must admit when you introduced yourself i thought that you were in a very difficult environment.I went to visit my brother a few times at uni and my word,all we did was drink.But we all know people who don't drink and just accept it,so i'm sure your crowd will get used to it.You seem very mature in your outlook on alcohol and at twenty you have your whole life in front of you.

Max.J.Milton

i was an alcoholic at 17, and i know how you feel, im sober for 5 weeks now but by no means perfect. You can talk to me any time you want to mate, and i'll help as best i can and its always good to talk things through with someone who knows where you're coming from

Love,
Max x