Alyce14

Finally I have reached this point. I don't want to make anyone else suffer because of me.

How can I do this?

Alyce

Missymae737

Aylice,

NO, you don't want to die...It is your addiction that is playing tug of war with your sanity...

Keep posting, latch onto all the support you can...

Thinking of you...

Captain Kirk

Alyce, sorry to hear you're having a bad day.
If you keep on drinking it's highly likely you will die. Immagine the suffering you'd cause to your family and friends if you were to drink yourself to death.
Take care.

Captain Kirk

Go to a meeting tonight.
Call A.A. if there are no meetings near you tonight.

Captain Kirk

Take a look at this: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-suicidal.html

Alyce14

aldo et al. I am so tired of this. god,, everyone knpws now I am an alkie. Oh, this is so awful...

Captain Kirk

I know what it's like. I live in a small town and everybody seems to know I'm an alcoholic and the antics I get up to are quite legendary too.
Do you want to continue being an active alkie? Trust me if you're feeling bad now you're not going to be feeling any better drinking.

Rowan

Hey Alyce,

I'm sorry you're struggling. I've attempted suicide while drinking and also in sobriety.
I understand. It's important to reach out to others. Keep posting, and get some face to face help if you can. There are people who are trained to help you in this area.
Don't give up.

Alyce14

allright, I ate a salad. Not so bad now.

soooo...

Alyce

PaperDolls

We're all here to listen to you and support you.
Please take some time to read this post
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-suicidal.html

There is some great information there that can help you.

GlassPrisoner

Been there done that. I used to pray every night just for God to take me and get it over with.

That feeling is what eventually helped drive me into AA. (I didn't go because it was MY idea, that's for sure).

Snopup

Get the Big Book and read it when you feel down or sucidal. It's my emergency blanket.

wiscgirl30

Saying a prayer for you.....
(((Hugs)))
You will be okay....

kfoll

If they cannot accept you for what you are, then screw 'em. Jeez, I hate to hear that. I think the worst part about admitting your alcoholic is worrying about what other people think.

So far, I've been really lucky in that those few I've told have been very supportive. But if they aren't, I've told myself it doesn't matter, because it's much worse not to admit it. Besides, everyone's screwed up, no one's perfect, and just because you have a disease like alcoholism does NOT make you a bad person. Quite the contrary, you're having been honest enough to realize this makes you a far better person than all those people out there who would judge you for it.

Don't give up and don't give idiots like that a second thought.

I have wanted to die many times myself, but never could bring myself to do it. I think the alcoholism exacerbates any depressive symptoms you might have and as Missy Mae said, it's playing tricks on your mind. Pay it no mind and forcibly tell yourself you're going to feel better... because you really are.

Anna

Alyce,

You can do this!

Get rid of the alcohol in the house.

Face the rest of the day without drinking and deal with what comes your way. You'll be able to get through it.

Jersey Nonny

Awww, Alyce...you're saying "alkie" like it's a dirty word. If you give that impression to others...that you're some kind of perverted, immoral person who gets drunk just because it's fun...then that's what they're going to think of you, too. You're not a bad person trying to get good, you're a sick person trying to get better...remember that, and believe it!!!

I've been told, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Please don't do something we'll all regret!

Surrender63

Should be a choice, albiet, you need to think this ALL the way through....

GlassPrisoner

If they only knew how much fun it's NOT !!! I wouldn't wish active alcoholism on my worst enemy.

gottaquit

No you don't want to die. If you really did, you would not have come to this board to seek help to begin with. It's only the booze taking over your brain. The booze is making your brain think crazy thoughts. Truely, I noticed that while I was drinking. It is one of the reasons I came here. I knew that my mind was not functioning right.
It really wasn't. The booze just confuses you and makes you think all kinds of weard things.

I hope the day is going better for you. I was at work all day. I do feel much better than I did this morning.

Believe me, I know what you are going through. Even down to feeling so bad about yourself that everyone knows your an alkie. Everyone knows I am an alkie now too. For some odd stupid reason, When ever I would get drunk, I would go wacko and start calling everyone in the world that I knew. Last week when I took my hopfully last drink, I felt so bad, I wanted to be dead too. I felt like that so so many times. A few times (and I don't know how I got through it and this is the honest to Gods truth) in the depths of my drunken dispare I had taken handfulls and I mean handfulls of xanax. One day I woke up after doing this once and remembered taking 3 handfulls and got out of bed the next day at around 2:00 PM, an hour before my kids get home from school. I went to the bathroom sort of in a daze and remembering what I did and thinking. HOW THE **** CAN I STILL BE ALIVE. Benzos and alcohol are suppose to be fatal. I went back in my bedroom where I still had a huge stash of xanax because my stupid doctor prescribes 6 a day for me and I only ever take 1 and a half but always get the script filled on time for fear that he will stop writing them.

Anyway, I went back in my bedroom to my stock pile and poured one handful of xanax in my hand the same size pile as I did 3 the night before and counted that handful to see approx how many xanax I took the night before.
The one handfull amounted to about 26 xanax. So, If I took 3 handfulls like that, I took 77 xanax and freaking woke up the day after. I was thinking. WTF man. How can this freaking be? How can I still be alive and walking around the house and at that point I was actually wondering what I was going to make the boys for dinner that night. Shaking my head once in a while in disbelief. I just could not understand. I truely planned on ending it the night before with those 3 handfuls.
But, Then again, I thought, Well if you did plan on ending it. Why did you save so much of the stock pile. Then I thought, Well, I knew I had tryed before with much less and failed and I wanted to make sure I had some on hand if I actually did wake up.

GET IT? It's all really weard freaking thinking. Alcohol makes your mind go nuts.

Now, Just because this stupid 47 year old woman survived a half a fifth of Jack Daniels and 77 xanax. Don't think you can. From what the doctors have told me when I told them these stories in detox and rehab. Every time I tell a doctor that story, They tell me, That they have had coma and death victims with much much less, Like maybe only 3 or 5 xanax and only a couple of drinks of alcohol. No-one really understands why I survived those OD's and actaully walked around the next day functioning like a somewhat normal human. One doctor said that he thought someone upstairs was watching out for me.

I do hope someone is watching over you. Please don;t do anything crazy that the alcohol is telling you to do. I'm very glad at this point even though I still suffer from my addiction that I was not successful with my attempts at suicide. If you can just hold out till you are sober for a while, You will feel the same way.
Good Luck to You.
I will be thining of you tonight.
gottaquit.

Pinkcuda

Nothing turns my stomach more than when I hear an Alcoholic/Addict say they want to die. The answer is so easy and so obvious. It's right there in front of your face and you refuse to make the sacrifice.
Give up your substance and fix your life. Remember, the pain of scacrifice is nothing compared to the pain of not making the sacrifice.