blue_Icecream

Hi guys,

Unfortunately I relapsed last night but I'm not taking it as a defeat. I was tempted to go to a bar at lunchtime today to see about fixing the hangover but I bought a sandwich and a fizzy drink instead, and tonight I'm going to my first AA meeting. Went there earlier to check out the place and stuff.

I'm not being too hard on myself over this as it doesn't mean that the last month was wasted: I learnt tons about myself during that time and I can continue using the new ways of thinking right away. I can also pinpoint why this relapse happened: a couple of nights ago someone criticised me behind my back for always buying useless things and that I couldn't even buy the right type of broom, and it reminded me of when I was a kid and people close to me used to criticise me a lot. From this experience I'll be more aware in my recovery.

Awful experience - had the all too familiar waking up still drunk, checking my clothes that were strewn all over the floor, checking the sent messages part of my phone and dying with embarrassment, and sending people text messages to say sorry for last night.

Hopefully the meeting tonight will be good - like I said, it's my first one, and I'm pretty nervous about it. I'll post back later tonight about how it went. Guess I fell off the recovery train but another one is coming along to pick me back up!

odaat

Hi Blue Icecream, love the name!

I'm glad you were able to share with us about your relapse. Posts like yours help me a lot, thank you.

Its great that you are going to your first meeting tonight. I went to my first meeting about three weeks ago, and I was so nervous. It was definately the right step for me, and I hope its the right step for you. When I joined AA, my Mum said I should stick with it for 6 months, and if I didn't like it after that, I could have my misery back. I've found that its been good to go to a lot of different meetings - you get to meet more people and learn more.

Its good that you've learnt from this experience

Best wishes for tonight, I know how scary the first meeting can be! Don't be afraid to just walk up to anyone and say 'I'm New'.

wiscgirl30

Keep your chin up. Glad you arent being too hard on yourself... Having to check the cell the next day BITES. Hopefully never again...

parentrecovers

let us know how your meeting goes tonight, blue ice. good for you for getting right back to recovery, k

TONYTEXAS

Yes exactly you got it. Dont kill yourself over it and keep coming back! The meetings are always good if your open to hear the message of hope. Blessings!

gypsytears

Sounds like you have a good attitude BlueIceCream . I hope the meeting goes well for you.

Tazman53

Excellent attitude, the only way it can defeat you is if you quit trying to quit.

Try to show up a bit early just to where you can talk to some folks before the meeting starts, try to relate into what is being said and not relate out. What I mean by that is if it is a biker sharing do not say I can not relate to that biker, I am not a biker, I can assure you that part of what that biker says you will be able to identify with, like swearing "I will never drink again" and finding your self drunk again.

Every AA meeting is different, they all have thier own personality, if the one you go to tonight stinks, then find another one. I can tell you how I tell the good from the bad, if before the meeting starts people are laughing mostly then that to me is a good sign, if someone comes over & introduce them selfs that is even better.

Also keep in mind that by simply going to AA meetings does not mean you will be struck sober, every recovery program out there involves work on your own part for it to work, in other words no program will work unless you work it.

No one ever really got struck drunk, they had to at a minimum pick up the drink & drink it before they got drunk.

Well no one ever got struck sober either, they had to work at getting that way.

Good job!! As long we keep learning and remain teachable we stand a chance. Keeping an open mind and trying things even if at the time they do not make sense at the time is crucial. Hey if it helped someone else stay sober it may keep me sober to!

Blue I really must say you have the attitude!!!! You have a darn good chance of making it by working it. AA saved my life and hundreds of thousands of others to!

dave47

Good luck with the meeting,if you can stay off it then you can look upon that month as a pre match warm up.As long as you are thinking long term then i'm sure you'll get there.

blue_Icecream

Thanks for all your kind words. The meeting was good, I'll go back but also try some of the others in the area. It was small, only five or six people, and the only English speaking meeting in the city, so I think that helps to attract people serious about their recovery. A couple of people who organise it gave me their phone numbers and said to call them if I feel like going drinking.

They also stressed the importance of doing a programme, like you guys said. It's logical, just as it takes more than walking into a bar to get drunk, it takes more than walking into an AA meeting to get sober! I can't honestly regret this relapse, since I wouldn't have gone tonight to the meeting if I hadn't had it.

The two girls I was with last night aren't holding it against me either, despite me peeing all over my bathroom floor and then yelling about which girls I'd like to sleep with! It's good not to be judged.

One thing I'm not sure about though is what to tell the people I live with when I go to an AA meeting and they ask where I've been. Two of them know, but other people don't and I'd be scared of what they'd think of me if they did. On the other hand I want to be honest about it because really, anyone who'd change their perception of me as a person because of it probably isn't worth knowing.

There are other meetings over the next few days (unfortunately AA isn't huge where I live so each group only meets up once a week) that I'll hopefully take a look at. I think it's time to start doing more than hoping things turn out alright, but to start making sure they do.

Spiritual Seeker

Shut up and get to a mtg. should really be the first step...so you are on your way.
Keep going back without over-thinking your reaction tonight. It takes several mtgs
for you to get comfy and comprehend how the steps can revolutionize your life
Good luck to ya...it works when you work it.

Rowan

Sorry I missed this thread until now, I'm glad you got to that meeting and hope you continue to read and post here.
If you're not comfortable sharing where you're going, that's cool. You don't owe anyone an explanation. You could say you went for a walk, a coffee shop, the library, a park, etc. In time you may wish to let others know, but it's okay if you don't. Everyone is different.

CarolD

Afraid2Succeed

Hey Blue,
I'm glad to hear you share your relapse story. Any ideas what would be a better way to handle criticism/stress next time? I'm always looking for new ideas.

odaat

Hi BlueIcecream, thanks for the update. Glad you've got a few numbers and are planning to go back to try some more meetings out. One of my meetings only has 5 or 6 people, and I've found that quite nice as I'm pretty nervous around people.

I didn't worry about telling people where I was going. My husband made that descision for me and blurted it out to everyone! If you don't feel comfortable saying where you are going you don't have to say.

Looking forward to reading more of your posts

Tazman53

Blue I am glad to hear you liked the meeting, most people do like their first meeting, some people hate it, but if one really wants to get sober and stay sober they keep going back and fall in love with them.

I was unable to stay sober until I was willing to reach out and ask for help, many of us are unable to swallow our stupid pride and continue to live life going from one relapse to the next thinking "My way will work this time!".

My stupid pride kept me drunk 10 years longer then I should have been drunk. I spent my last 10 years drinking thinking "My way will work this time!". Pride is a horrible thing that kills so many of us!

blue_Icecream

I think I was making the telling people thing into a bigger deal that it needed to be. I told a couple of people I wouldn't be in for dinner because I was going to an AA meeting and no one else asked me what I'd been doing that night.

This morning was bad, slept in and was still feeling embarassed and hungover from Tuesday night, but by the afternoon I was feeling really positive. Decided to go for a bike ride with some friends instead of going home to bed and then took my guitar around to someone's room and had dinner with a couple of people. Sent a couple of emails to old friends and sorted through some pictures to print out. Didn't at any moment want to drink again, and it was only after coming out of a late opening shop with icecream that I thought about the beer they sold there and how dumb it was to go and buy some there on Tuesday.