kj21

Well that didn't take long. ABF went to work last night, called to say they asked him to work overtime. He usually gets off at 12:00am, he called at 3:30am to say he was on his way, I called bullcrap on working so late (it never happens) he got home at 6:30am this morning and went straight into the motorhome. I have made lists of things I need to do, like call bank and see what my options are with our morgage, transfer insurances, now I need to be so strong...Oh yea as my son left for school this morning he said his change jar is missing...I do not know if ABF took it yesterday...but I don't know he didn't. My sons Ipod went missingl ast week also, but he thinks maybe he dropped it somewhere but doesn't think so. so again evertime something is missing or misplaced I think was it my ABF??? I feel it is unfair to blame him with no proof but...any way that is not how to live, not trusting your partner. Please with me strength. I am worried about where he will go, he doesn't have many options, but that is not my problem right? it is hard not to worry about him...what will happen to him on his own, no where to live. But he knew that was the outcome if he didn't abide to our contract. this site is really keeping me on track!!!! Thanks to all of you!

Ann

(((KJ)))

You're right, it's no way to live. Choosing a better path for ourselves can often be painful, but never more painful that staying on the path we are on.

Sending hugs and prayers because you sound like you could use some of each.

Hugs

ladyjane

Praying for your strength.
Trish

nytepassion

I understand your worry, but if you think about it .. he has places to go ... He was some "place" when he was supposedly "working" and lets not forget there are plenty of homeless shelters also there are rehabs that he can get into if he wants help. So you see .. HE isn't without options UNLESS HE chooses to be. You are NOT obligated to keep a roof over his head .. He is a big boy. Of course it is hard not to worrying about him .. because you love him (but worry about him doesn't change anything) You can worry until you are blue in the face and he will still do what he does .. You will end up a nervous wreck with an ulcer. He needs to start worrying about himself... He knew the consequences .. he chose to break "the contract" and now as painful as it is .. it is time to enforce the penalties thereof. He's banking on your love and weakness for him to keep you from doing so ... Its time to step it up a notch and show him that you will no longer except the unacceptable ... He cannot steal from you or your child, he cannot pretend to be working as a disguise for getting high .. he cannot break the agreement the two of you have. He cannot play on your heart strings that he doesn't have anywhere else to go EXCEPT for your place. He is a big boy and can find his way around to get high .. its time the big boy finds his way into recovery .. I know it is tough and I know it is hard and I know it hurts, but the pain you feel now will be far less greater than the pain you'll feel later.

Whatever you're agreement was with him .. Stick to it. otherwise it is just an idol threat and is very damaging to yourself first and foremost.

YOU CAN DO THIS .. it won't be easy, but you can.

******{Hugs and prayers}}}}
Passion

kj21

Thanks!! it means a great deal to read these posts!

caileesnana

You and your son come first! He broke the boundries. Bye!

cece1960

Sending prayers for strength clarity and peace for both you and your son
(((Hugs)))
Cece

kj21

update. One of the worst 5 days of my life. He refused to go anywhere, then had a temper tantrum, then a breakdown, hinted at suicide. I said I have nothing to say anymore, I gave him 18 months to get it together and he chose not to seek any real help. I said I willnot leave him alone in our house becouse I am afraid he will take and pawn something. He just sat on our couch crying for another hour...i went in the bedroom and called his mom and suggested that maybe some family around him right now may help him feel he has not lost everything and is not alone. She came by and they talked for awhile while I walked the dog and went downstairs. Now they left, said goodbye but nothing else. I don't know if he'll be back or what? Bad Bad day!!

HKAngel24

KJ-

Glad you were able to stand your ground and I can't imagine how stressful today must have been. It is SO hard not to feel responsible for a loved one when you see how helpless they are over addiction.
I use to ask myself- Wait- why do I need to let him hit his bottom now?! When he is so not in reality and cannot make concious choices?!
Now I know that it is because none of that matters. He must choose to change and to commit to recovery.

I am sure your mind is bouncing every which way but try to take care of yourself and do what you can to regain some clarity. Being on this site really, really helps for me. I fly into lunatic mode quicker than I can blink.

I will be thinking of you and your son. Your strength shines through.

GiveLove

Hang in there, KJ.

You're doing the best you know how...trust your HP to take care of the rest.

There is a better life beyond this day.

greeteachday

Sending you hugs and prayers...He is out and hopefully that makes it easier not to let him back in. I'm very sorry for the pain you are feeling...Stay close here and know that there are so many folks here who understand just what you are felling. Any chance of finding a meeting for some face to face support as well?

kj21

I just got a call from a friend who works with my ABF. My friend told me that my ABF called in to work tonight becouse I kicked him out. He knew he was on his last chance and he blew it. I can understand that he was upset but he should have gone in and talked to someone. Now it is too late. He lost his job. he really has lost it all in one day. I just hope he stays away. I am afraid he will show up in the morning. I have to stop thinking about what he will do and concentrate on what I have to do to clean up this mess, morgage, bills, vehicles, insurances....I can do it!

krhea75

Hey kj,
Just a note to say,you are special and you deserve so much more than this chaos. keep posting and praying. Make a plan just for tomorrow. All at once it will feel like too much. One day at a time has been repeated so many times for a reason...it's the best advice there is.
krhea

kj21

Well, He did show up this morning to tell me that he has a job lined up 8 hours away from here. He will be getting his holiday pay from work and will leave me some money to help with the morgage etc. He says he'll send money when he gets his paychecks...I was very optomistic for him that he knows he needs to get out of our town. It is small and drug abuse seems to be an epidemic!! Other than encouraging words about the new job I held my ground and didn't get all mushy. Today I keep swinging from sad to mad. I prefer the mad. Anyway just wanted to post my update and let you all know you are helping me tremendously to get through this.

hope213

in the long run you will be glad he is gone. it is something to be mad about.feel the feeling to get thru it. you & your son come first. your inter gut is usually right & he probley took all those things.it is not fair to you or your son.take care of you.prayers, hope

ctrom40

Yes, you can!

Stay strong,
Good Luck,
Colleen