Here I go again, with a BIG guilt trip this time.
Power is not having to respond
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Here I go again, with a BIG guilt trip this time.
It begins again.
My mom lives in georgia. She will drive all the way to Alabama to go to the doctor.
She drives her self. She gets there, stays at a friends house alone, and her BP goes sky high. She has been having bouts with high BP for a few years.
She's in AL to see docs about her BP.
She used to live there. IT's a good 2.5 hr drive from her home in GA.
I have called her several times to make sure she's ok. I even asked her (for the hundreth time) why she doesn't come to live near me. That the big city here is only 30 minutes away and has excellent doctors.
She says in a pitiful voice that she does not want an apartment. She must find someone to live with. She says she needs someone to look after her and she MUST find someone who will live with her.
Well, I started to feel bad again. She's really a chronic complainer too, and nothing I could say besides, MOVE IN WITH ME, will comfort her.
So, I sit here wondering how to deal with this. SHe is getting OLD. She's having health problems too.
While I couldn't live with her, I hate to see her like this. She tried living in a place that goes by income and she moved out because the place was too much into her business. Naturally, she can't afford a really nice place at only 475 a month, so, I don't know what to do about that either. All I know is I can't live with her. I would lose my sanity and my peace within 24 hours! She would have me wait on her hand over foot and complain constantly. But she is my mother, and I do care about her.
I just don't know what to do at this point. Any ideas?
My mom lives in georgia. She will drive all the way to Alabama to go to the doctor.
She drives her self. She gets there, stays at a friends house alone, and her BP goes sky high. She has been having bouts with high BP for a few years.
She's in AL to see docs about her BP.
She used to live there. IT's a good 2.5 hr drive from her home in GA.
I have called her several times to make sure she's ok. I even asked her (for the hundreth time) why she doesn't come to live near me. That the big city here is only 30 minutes away and has excellent doctors.
She says in a pitiful voice that she does not want an apartment. She must find someone to live with. She says she needs someone to look after her and she MUST find someone who will live with her.
Well, I started to feel bad again. She's really a chronic complainer too, and nothing I could say besides, MOVE IN WITH ME, will comfort her.
So, I sit here wondering how to deal with this. SHe is getting OLD. She's having health problems too.
While I couldn't live with her, I hate to see her like this. She tried living in a place that goes by income and she moved out because the place was too much into her business. Naturally, she can't afford a really nice place at only 475 a month, so, I don't know what to do about that either. All I know is I can't live with her. I would lose my sanity and my peace within 24 hours! She would have me wait on her hand over foot and complain constantly. But she is my mother, and I do care about her.
I just don't know what to do at this point. Any ideas?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
It's called assisted living, and maybe she should investigate it. A shared rental with a person of her own approximate age is a possibility.
Any kind of senior community would give her the chance to have her own apartment but ALSO constantly be around others. Would that be attractive to her? Your state's commission on seniors (even if she isn't truly old-old) might be able to help.
Also, think about this new thing called "Elder Cohousing" where people join communities of same-age people, share responsibilities, etc. in the hopes of getting older gracefully. It looks nice, anyway:
http://directory.cohousing.org/
There are a couple in Georgia.
You're on the right track, Wascally. Offer your smarts and your help (short of offering her your life) and if she's not interested in anything you have to say if it's not "come live with me"....well, call her on it. Print the stuff out, give it to her, and say you're out of ideas. Tell her point-blank that living with you is not an option, and offer to help her find ANY other solution.
She is an adult. She must take care of herself. You love her and so you can help...but you can't do it for her.
Hugs,
GL
Any kind of senior community would give her the chance to have her own apartment but ALSO constantly be around others. Would that be attractive to her? Your state's commission on seniors (even if she isn't truly old-old) might be able to help.
Also, think about this new thing called "Elder Cohousing" where people join communities of same-age people, share responsibilities, etc. in the hopes of getting older gracefully. It looks nice, anyway:
http://directory.cohousing.org/
There are a couple in Georgia.
You're on the right track, Wascally. Offer your smarts and your help (short of offering her your life) and if she's not interested in anything you have to say if it's not "come live with me"....well, call her on it. Print the stuff out, give it to her, and say you're out of ideas. Tell her point-blank that living with you is not an option, and offer to help her find ANY other solution.
She is an adult. She must take care of herself. You love her and so you can help...but you can't do it for her.
Hugs,
GL
Power is not having to respond
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Whoa, I didnt' even know these places exist. I emailed them and hopefully, I will receive an answer soon. I am afraid it looks expensive, but, you never know till you ask. Thanks for this Givelove!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Hi Wascally,
Even if there's not one now, there might be later. I saw one listing on that site that had a room for rent (meaning, she has a room, and two other people have two other bedrooms, and they share the rest of the house) for 450.00/month. Maybe something like that will come up again. Do check out the senior resources in your state. There's SO many seniors now compared to before that oftentimes a state will have a special aid agency just to help people like your mom find what they need.
Good luck, WW!
GL
Even if there's not one now, there might be later. I saw one listing on that site that had a room for rent (meaning, she has a room, and two other people have two other bedrooms, and they share the rest of the house) for 450.00/month. Maybe something like that will come up again. Do check out the senior resources in your state. There's SO many seniors now compared to before that oftentimes a state will have a special aid agency just to help people like your mom find what they need.
Good luck, WW!
GL
Power is not having to respond
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
hey love, I did check out this place, and it sounds like a really great place, but they sent me an email back saying they didn't believe this would be right for her. I am going to take your advice and check our resources for seniors in my state.
Thanks again!!
Thanks again!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hey Wascally 
My Mom is 94. I love her dearly, but I can only survive about 24hrs with her. She currently lives in one of those "assisted living" buildings. It's a big apartment building with a full cafeteria and nurses round the clock.
The cook at the cafeteria calls me up about once a month, begging me to get my mother out of _his_ kitchen. She gets in there, takes over, and starts telling the staff how to do their jobs. I tell the cook that if he can't get her out with his full staff and his collection of knives, what does he think _I_ can do?????
Mom _loves_ it there. She has a whole building of people to boss around. _I_ love that Mom loves it. *lol* Saved my sanity _and_ the guiltys
Mike
My Mom is 94. I love her dearly, but I can only survive about 24hrs with her. She currently lives in one of those "assisted living" buildings. It's a big apartment building with a full cafeteria and nurses round the clock.
The cook at the cafeteria calls me up about once a month, begging me to get my mother out of _his_ kitchen. She gets in there, takes over, and starts telling the staff how to do their jobs. I tell the cook that if he can't get her out with his full staff and his collection of knives, what does he think _I_ can do?????
Mom _loves_ it there. She has a whole building of people to boss around. _I_ love that Mom loves it. *lol* Saved my sanity _and_ the guiltys
Mike
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
