Feeling out of it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
Feeling out of it
First of I want to say Thank You to who ever reads this. I just need to let it out.
Today I am not feeling good, I am very down, I took my meds late. I also have been dealing with my lawyers office off and on all morning. My exh who is my son's lawyer is causing me more problems. But I was told that we are going to mediation for the lawsuit against my son. Hoping things go well for me. I also have a default hearing on my sons exagf, later this month. My heart is racing, and my breathing is not right. I know it is all from panic attacks. I am at the point I just want to cry. I was in a half way decent mood when I got out of class today and came home to this BS. I wish my exh would just put his feelings towards me aside and look at what is best for our son and his recovery. Let him say he is sorry for all he did and say I will pay you back. I am not asking for everything they took or had me lose, if I was it would be way more than he could ever pay me back. I love my son and daughter, but it is so hard not to see them over this. Yes some of it is my fault but they are at fault too. I should have handled the addiction differently, but he choose to use not me. So why do they keep saying it is my fault?? I guess it is because I am the easy target.
Sorry for rambling here and venting, but I need it today. Today I hate my life, and hate everything about it. But I know it will be better later today or tomorrow.
Love you all,
Today I am not feeling good, I am very down, I took my meds late. I also have been dealing with my lawyers office off and on all morning. My exh who is my son's lawyer is causing me more problems. But I was told that we are going to mediation for the lawsuit against my son. Hoping things go well for me. I also have a default hearing on my sons exagf, later this month. My heart is racing, and my breathing is not right. I know it is all from panic attacks. I am at the point I just want to cry. I was in a half way decent mood when I got out of class today and came home to this BS. I wish my exh would just put his feelings towards me aside and look at what is best for our son and his recovery. Let him say he is sorry for all he did and say I will pay you back. I am not asking for everything they took or had me lose, if I was it would be way more than he could ever pay me back. I love my son and daughter, but it is so hard not to see them over this. Yes some of it is my fault but they are at fault too. I should have handled the addiction differently, but he choose to use not me. So why do they keep saying it is my fault?? I guess it is because I am the easy target.
Sorry for rambling here and venting, but I need it today. Today I hate my life, and hate everything about it. But I know it will be better later today or tomorrow.
Love you all,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: MI
Posts: 132
Pam - I'm sorry you're having a tough day - Lord knows I have them quite often myself. I always tell my abf - fight the tough days with good things. As I heard someone say on SR - use the nikke theory and "just do it" - don't think about it etc - just go out there and do something good for yourself. A walk - eat your favorite meal - watch your favorite movie...REFUSE to be that target, refuse to lose your inner peace 
I'll pray for you today
I'll pray for you today
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
It is alot easier to blame someone else than take responsibility. An addict feature. It wasn't any more your fault than it's hot in Texas and is it autum.
Get some rest and take care of you. Read the stickies again, vent, and read all the other parent post. We have been accused of same and more.
susan
Get some rest and take care of you. Read the stickies again, vent, and read all the other parent post. We have been accused of same and more.
susan
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Hi. This is not your fault and you KNOW it. To be accused is unjust and, while hard as heck to get there, a better feeling might be OUTRAGE.
It is miserable to come home to some c*r*a*p like this. It truly is. I have come home to "stuff" too and often it is on friday Night and there is NOTHING you can do until Monday. I think that timing is my HP telling me to take a deep breath and let it go until I have to deal with it (one of the most difficult lessons I have learned!).
I too get those really down days and to get dumped on too is just plain lousy.
So, I offer (((((Pam))))) until you can get from down to outrage to being back to your good ol' self.
Now go check your tool box and see what you have in there to help you thru. Meanwhile we are here.
It is miserable to come home to some c*r*a*p like this. It truly is. I have come home to "stuff" too and often it is on friday Night and there is NOTHING you can do until Monday. I think that timing is my HP telling me to take a deep breath and let it go until I have to deal with it (one of the most difficult lessons I have learned!).
I too get those really down days and to get dumped on too is just plain lousy.
So, I offer (((((Pam))))) until you can get from down to outrage to being back to your good ol' self.
Now go check your tool box and see what you have in there to help you thru. Meanwhile we are here.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Pam, when I get overwhelmed I try to break it all into "doable" pieces.
What part of all this anxiety is not yours to handle? Let it go.
What part is? Do whatever you need to do to look after the details and then let it go too.
What others think? Their thoughts are on them, they own them, whether they think well of you or not really is their problem. The important thing is what YOU think of YOU.
If your ex/son's lawyer is giving you legal hassles get another lawyer. If he is giving you personal hassles, don't accept them...hang up or walk away.
Blaming you? Pfffffftttt. Why not, it beats blaming themselves, yes? Again I say Pfffffffttt. Of course it's not your fault.
Remember the wise words of someone here (hee hee that would be ME)...the difference between a bad day and a good day is about two days.
Hugs
What part of all this anxiety is not yours to handle? Let it go.
What part is? Do whatever you need to do to look after the details and then let it go too.
What others think? Their thoughts are on them, they own them, whether they think well of you or not really is their problem. The important thing is what YOU think of YOU.
If your ex/son's lawyer is giving you legal hassles get another lawyer. If he is giving you personal hassles, don't accept them...hang up or walk away.
Blaming you? Pfffffftttt. Why not, it beats blaming themselves, yes? Again I say Pfffffffttt. Of course it's not your fault.
Remember the wise words of someone here (hee hee that would be ME)...the difference between a bad day and a good day is about two days.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Delaware
Posts: 201
WOW... You better lay down Sherry. Good grief. I get panic attacks too. The best thing is to let go of what you can not change or did no do. As our very wise lawyer said last week... you are getting too wrapped up in their problems. They made then now sit back, and let whatever happens happen. You did not cause this. It is not your fault. They blame you and target you... that makes it easier for them to convince themselves this is your fault. Don't buy into it. Sit back and let whatever you can not control roll off your cuffs...
-Broken
Ps...Sherry I hope you are feeling better. Please lay down and rest. Try to relax yourself. (((hugs)))
-Broken
-Broken
Ps...Sherry I hope you are feeling better. Please lay down and rest. Try to relax yourself. (((hugs)))
-Broken
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
I think I know how you feel when it comes to him putting the blame on you. You know it's not your fault but when he accuses you, you feel as though you've been taken advantage of or have been disrespected, or even just not appreciated for all the crap you've had to go through since his addiction. Boy do I feel that way at times, and alot more often than not. We as codies have to try and pick ourselves up bay our perverbial bootlaces and move on.
good luck
good luck
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
Pam~
I also have those days- hours- minutes- my heart racing, this huge bowling ball rolling around in my stomach- hunched over, my entire upper body clenched in tension. And I feel like my head is submerged under water OR my mind is racing and thoughts are bouncing every which way making me crazy.
That is something the addict always does right- tries to make us feel crazy. I was reading the chapters Anger and Feel your Feelings in Codependent No More and so much of what is said speaks to me especially in terms of knowing that YOU are being the "easy target."
I am realizing that so much of my power lies in standing by my feelings. For me this is very scary. The second I stop doing this is the second I stop taking care of myself.
I think it is important to remember that they will do WHATEVER they can do to make you feel like YOU are the crazy one and that YOU are wrong and YOU have this all misinterpreted. You're not- they are addicts.
Please don't disown your feelings or fear they are wrong- they are right and are appropriate.
I also have those days- hours- minutes- my heart racing, this huge bowling ball rolling around in my stomach- hunched over, my entire upper body clenched in tension. And I feel like my head is submerged under water OR my mind is racing and thoughts are bouncing every which way making me crazy.
That is something the addict always does right- tries to make us feel crazy. I was reading the chapters Anger and Feel your Feelings in Codependent No More and so much of what is said speaks to me especially in terms of knowing that YOU are being the "easy target."
I am realizing that so much of my power lies in standing by my feelings. For me this is very scary. The second I stop doing this is the second I stop taking care of myself.
I think it is important to remember that they will do WHATEVER they can do to make you feel like YOU are the crazy one and that YOU are wrong and YOU have this all misinterpreted. You're not- they are addicts.
Please don't disown your feelings or fear they are wrong- they are right and are appropriate.
Or However You Spell It....
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
((Pam))
You've been such a wonderful friend to me!! You're one of those special people who is beautiful inside and out and you're so special. Don't let anyone take that from you! I love you my friend!
You've been such a wonderful friend to me!! You're one of those special people who is beautiful inside and out and you're so special. Don't let anyone take that from you! I love you my friend!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Awww Pam,
I know what it is like to get blamed. What would they do if they didn't have us to blame. It is not your fault. You are a good person and a good SR friend. Please take care of yourself. Have a piece of chocolate to lift your spirits. ( :
Hugs............Lo
I know what it is like to get blamed. What would they do if they didn't have us to blame. It is not your fault. You are a good person and a good SR friend. Please take care of yourself. Have a piece of chocolate to lift your spirits. ( :
Hugs............Lo
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
They keep saying it's your fault because they will not look at themselves and they are working on pushing your buttons.
I recall being falsely blamed, accused and dumped on. My ex and AS were a team in scapegoating me. What helped me was to
not allow any of it in my life. I flat out refused to listen to one word of it by hanging up or walking away.
If you are being blamed and harassed by way of lawyer ex and son's legal documents that you cannot avoid, please bear in mind the opposing legal team
always blames. Consider the source. It's part of the legal adversarial game. A lawyer could find a way to blame you if the sun didn't rise this morning.
I hope you start to feel better.
Sending love, and a prayer for your well being ((( Pam )))
I recall being falsely blamed, accused and dumped on. My ex and AS were a team in scapegoating me. What helped me was to
not allow any of it in my life. I flat out refused to listen to one word of it by hanging up or walking away.
If you are being blamed and harassed by way of lawyer ex and son's legal documents that you cannot avoid, please bear in mind the opposing legal team
always blames. Consider the source. It's part of the legal adversarial game. A lawyer could find a way to blame you if the sun didn't rise this morning.
I hope you start to feel better.
Sending love, and a prayer for your well being ((( Pam )))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: on top of the hill
Posts: 197
(( Pam ))
Just sending you some hugs, and no, it's sure not your fault. That's the hardest thing for me to get through my head too. Just look at this as if someone new here on SR was telling you it was their fault. I think you would be the first one responding with a NO, No, No!!!
Seems to be a lot of us dealing with too much lately. I have those attacks too, I used to get them in lines at the grocery store and have to leave without my things. Don't know if you ever listen to Dr Joy on the radio, she's a big fan of square breathing to ward off a panic attack. Just a thought. Hang in there, vent away.
Just sending you some hugs, and no, it's sure not your fault. That's the hardest thing for me to get through my head too. Just look at this as if someone new here on SR was telling you it was their fault. I think you would be the first one responding with a NO, No, No!!!
Seems to be a lot of us dealing with too much lately. I have those attacks too, I used to get them in lines at the grocery store and have to leave without my things. Don't know if you ever listen to Dr Joy on the radio, she's a big fan of square breathing to ward off a panic attack. Just a thought. Hang in there, vent away.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
(((((Pam))))) I'm sorry I am coming in late. I hope your day got better...those really down and dark days are so tough. Praying that by the time you see this, you will have had a restful sleep and that all the worries are managable again. It must be so difficult when your kids won't communicate with you. Lots of hugs and prayers my friend....No, this definitely is not your fault.
StrivingToThrive
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
So sorry you are at a place where they can help you let those crappy feelings in. It doesn't take much does it? Those manipulating#@#. Sometimes they've done it so long they don't see anything wrong with it. You have always been the target, so its just what they do!! Don't stand still and let them hit you!!! Make yourself a tougher target! Keep moving in a positive direction!:uzi2:
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