lil516

after reading another post i started to think about something I've been feeling...

(we never know when someone else's experience will strike a chord in us)

sometimes after visiting my son...if he seems happy and doing well.....I can end up feeling very sad
it's always been a strange, unsettling feeling and just tonight I realized why i feel that way...

those are the times I start thinking...
"why couldn't he be happy before....
why couldn't he be happy at home living a normal life??"
"why can't I have him back???"

if the visit happens at a time when he is upset or depressed my feeling is quite different
then I am grateful that he is where he is (soberhouse)and safe etc...

I hope that didn't come out the wrong way...
I am always so grateful that he is recovering...

but my mood sinks at times and I always wondered why it happened when he seemed to be doing okay

now i am beginning to see that it is because that is when i am most homesick for my son

thanks for letting me share...

cece

I would love for my son to get back to the point where I could let out the other codie part of me that comes around when he was doing better. When I'm not in "fight or flight" mode, waiting for the bad phone calls. When he was doing better that was when I would think, okay, " Now that you are okay I can let all those pissed off feelings out." All the disappointments, and sleepless nights filled with anxiety and worry. I wanted to yell at him for these things! But I didn't. I figured its kind of like when someone jumps out at you and scares you, once you have calmed down you want to yell at them!
well my son's back to the place he was before, addicted to pot. Be grateful yours is safe, and the other relationship will come back with longer sobriety.

kelsh

Hi....

After I see my son or talk with him on the phone....if he is down then I feel down. I then feel good if he sounds and is doing good, which isn't a lot since he is paralyzed from his arm-pits down. He can use his arms and has limited use of his hands.


One of our favorite things to do is watch thunderstorms in our town. People sit out in their yards....also we watch to be sure a forest fire isn't started from the lightening...which happens quite often.




Eric had his son, Devin, stay the weekend. He always helps his Dad unpack stuff and get things put away again. The hospital sends box after box of medical supplys to our house and then we take them down to his house. It is unbelieveable how many supplies he uses.

kelsh

hope213

us as mom just miss our children. i have one son that is not an addict i very seldom see or hear from. i miss him.he is doing so good for himself. addict son i see often but still miss the person he could be. i have seen the" underneath " a few times

ladyjane

I just miss my son. I would take him depressed or happy. I'll never see either emotion from him again.
Trish

caileesnana

As much as we try in recovery, we are not only "codies" (still hate that term!) but firt and formost, we are moms! We love our kids, warts and all. Thank God we have each other!
susan

rahsue

lil, I agree about the strange feelings. I'm the one who always helps the little
basta-- yet he'll have deep conversations with my husband or my daughter and I want to say "hey you little shi- what am I the ugly step mother"!!!! He can be happy and laughing with them and two minutes later he's miserable with me. WTF

lil516

Thank you all for your feedback....

please know that I am always grateful for my son's recovery and never take one day for granted....
(I am afraid some may have thought me to be whining....not the case)

I was simply expressing a stage of the recovery process...
when he seems to be feeling/doing okay I get a glimpse of my son and begin to miss all that could have been

I know I am fortunate that he has been given a second chance and I truly appreciate that I do get to see him happy or sad...whichever the mood might be

my heart breaks for the addicts that have lost their battle and for those that have lost a loved one...

Lobo

(((lil)))
My heart goes out to you to have to see your son suffer with his disabilities. My precious neice has spina bifida and is paralyzed from the breast down. Of course she was born that way. Unlike your son. My brother and his wife just adore her. She brings them and our family a lot of joy. I know they have their down times too.
It's perfectly normal for you to have your ups and downs. I feel good when my daughter feels good.
You have a lot to handle........be easy on yourself.


Blessings to you and your son...........Lo

lil516

Lobo

I think you must be confusing me and my son with a different SR family....my son does not have any physical disabilities to deal with...

my prayers for all who have the added challenge of a phyical disability

Lobo

Oops, I'm sorry lil, my post was meant for Kelsh. I didn't mean to highjack your thread, my mistake.

Lo

greeteachday

Lil, I understand what you are saying...how insightful to see why those thoughts are there. At a very basic level, I think it isn't unlike when a partner fears that if he or she leaves, the partner will recover and those good times will be missed.

I hope as he becomes more and more solid in recovery that more of those "normal" times with you can occur and he can, if he chooses, transition to a less structured setting. Thanks for sharing your recovery and strength. Hugs

krhea75

Lil,
I know exactly what you mean. My son seems to be doing well at the recovery house, maybe even happy. But when I got home i had the blues. I think it is that I miss him. I am realizing that he is going to be gone for a long time. Not that i want him to come home, because he would be back in the thick of things if he were here. It's just that I miss him. After a day or two, I come out of it and feel grateful for this day of recovery. But I don't think we should deny our depression over stages of grief. We just have to go through it. And posting is one way to walk through our pain. Another is praying or talking to a friend. Thanks for the post lil. I knew right where you were coming from.
krhea