Alcohol, Depression, and Cocaine
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 7
Alcohol, Depression, and Cocaine
Hi Everyone!
Well, to start off I used to be a cocaine addict for two years straight. I used to do it everyday while I was a junior and senior in college. It got me through a lot of late nights. I never drank while I was in college. Oddly enough, I though alcohol was worse than cocaine. At least on cocaine I thought you could get stuff done. Soon, it consumed my life and that is all I wanted to do.
Eventually, I overdosed while I was at the mall with one of my friends and nearly died. It scared me so much that I had quit for three years. But alcohol took the place of cocaine.
I then got married and became very depressed. I realized I got married too fast to someone I didn't know. But, here I am, still in the marriage because I feel that I have a responsibility to him. Due to my depression, I drank even more. I drink everyday when I get home from work...at least a bottle of wine a night. It doesn't help that my husband is a heavy drinker too. He does not think we have a problem. I stopped drinking for a month and felt great. Then my husband and I started fighting again, I binged on alcohol and end up in an affair.
Of course, the affair made me feel even worse. I felt like I had no self control. I was lost. Then my "best friend" brought cocaine back into my life. The cocaine was supposed to make me feel better about myself and get me out of my relationships with my husband and my lover.
Things are getting worse because I want to end my affair and work on my marriage. I want to think straight and be able to make good decisions in my life. But I find myself drinking everyday still! I get cocaine whenever I can afford it. I have panic attacks because I'm snorting cocaine. Then I drink to self medicate. No one knows about my addictions. Everyone thinks my life is perfect. I have no one to turn to. At this point, each time I take one more bump of coke, I don't care if I have a heart attack. I feel like I have nothing else to look forward to. I think that if I weren't here, then my husband would be happier, my lover would move on, and my family would not have to worry about my depression any longer.
I'm not suicidal. I just don't care what I'm doing to my body. But I want out. I want to feel happy again. I want to stop drinking and stop doing cocaine!
I have told myself that tomorrow I will start a new beginning.....but I'm afraid. I just want someone who understands how hard it is to give up addictions. I don't want a preacher, just someone who can help me.
If you have any advice, I'm willing to listen. I want all this to stop.
Well, to start off I used to be a cocaine addict for two years straight. I used to do it everyday while I was a junior and senior in college. It got me through a lot of late nights. I never drank while I was in college. Oddly enough, I though alcohol was worse than cocaine. At least on cocaine I thought you could get stuff done. Soon, it consumed my life and that is all I wanted to do.
Eventually, I overdosed while I was at the mall with one of my friends and nearly died. It scared me so much that I had quit for three years. But alcohol took the place of cocaine.
I then got married and became very depressed. I realized I got married too fast to someone I didn't know. But, here I am, still in the marriage because I feel that I have a responsibility to him. Due to my depression, I drank even more. I drink everyday when I get home from work...at least a bottle of wine a night. It doesn't help that my husband is a heavy drinker too. He does not think we have a problem. I stopped drinking for a month and felt great. Then my husband and I started fighting again, I binged on alcohol and end up in an affair.
Of course, the affair made me feel even worse. I felt like I had no self control. I was lost. Then my "best friend" brought cocaine back into my life. The cocaine was supposed to make me feel better about myself and get me out of my relationships with my husband and my lover.
Things are getting worse because I want to end my affair and work on my marriage. I want to think straight and be able to make good decisions in my life. But I find myself drinking everyday still! I get cocaine whenever I can afford it. I have panic attacks because I'm snorting cocaine. Then I drink to self medicate. No one knows about my addictions. Everyone thinks my life is perfect. I have no one to turn to. At this point, each time I take one more bump of coke, I don't care if I have a heart attack. I feel like I have nothing else to look forward to. I think that if I weren't here, then my husband would be happier, my lover would move on, and my family would not have to worry about my depression any longer.
I'm not suicidal. I just don't care what I'm doing to my body. But I want out. I want to feel happy again. I want to stop drinking and stop doing cocaine!
I have told myself that tomorrow I will start a new beginning.....but I'm afraid. I just want someone who understands how hard it is to give up addictions. I don't want a preacher, just someone who can help me.
If you have any advice, I'm willing to listen. I want all this to stop.
believer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,411
Hey...i am not in a good place right now to give advice..But seeing how slow the board is today i am gonna tell you what i've learned in 6 months of being here in the board.
Recovery is possible..There are people here who changed their lives completely and are able to smile, have a life and feel what "life" is all about..
Depression is an evil disease, addiction is an evil disease. It won't be easy for you to get out of this, but it's a real possibility. It takes will power, planning and support. i don't know if you're gonna do AA or NA, but you still have a lot of support here..Today is sunday. Usually the board is slow on sunday. But i can tell you there are amazing people here, people who changed my life, and surely will change your life...
i do believe i will see you soar and find a new and beautiful life...
Recovery is possible..There are people here who changed their lives completely and are able to smile, have a life and feel what "life" is all about..
Depression is an evil disease, addiction is an evil disease. It won't be easy for you to get out of this, but it's a real possibility. It takes will power, planning and support. i don't know if you're gonna do AA or NA, but you still have a lot of support here..Today is sunday. Usually the board is slow on sunday. But i can tell you there are amazing people here, people who changed my life, and surely will change your life...
i do believe i will see you soar and find a new and beautiful life...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 7
Thank you for your response! I just hope that if there is anyone out there willing to listen and help me, I think I can get through this. I have never done this with help before. I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I cannot do this on my own. I hope I can find the help that I need.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi and Welcome to SR!
Here is a link to the book that convinced me to quit drinking.
Depression is why I started AA recovery.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
I also suggest an an honest talk with your doctor is wise.
You may require a medically supervised de tox to be safe.
Glad you are seeking answers....
Here is a link to the book that convinced me to quit drinking.
Depression is why I started AA recovery.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
I also suggest an an honest talk with your doctor is wise.
You may require a medically supervised de tox to be safe.
Glad you are seeking answers....
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi KimchiGirl,
Welcome! I'm glad you found us.
There is hope and we do understand. Dealing with addiction was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. But, you can do this!
Welcome! I'm glad you found us.
There is hope and we do understand. Dealing with addiction was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. But, you can do this!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
Good for you for coming here and reaching out. That is a huge step. I can relate to the whole alcohol/depression/cocaine thing. I've struggled with all of it. Today I have found hope in my life after a long and painful battle. I had to be willing to listen to what other people suggested as a plan of recovery and found what worked for myself. Some of the suggestions I didn't want to follow but I did it anyway and it has worked for me. My life is better than it was earlier this year.
It is better to get off the merry go round now because trust me, addiction is progressive and it gets worse. Especially with alcohol and cocaine by themselves but together it seems to accelerate the downward spiral. Stop now before it gets worse as it inevitably will.
Keep reaching out for support! Recovery is possible!
It is better to get off the merry go round now because trust me, addiction is progressive and it gets worse. Especially with alcohol and cocaine by themselves but together it seems to accelerate the downward spiral. Stop now before it gets worse as it inevitably will.
Keep reaching out for support! Recovery is possible!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Funny thing is, a lot of people find their depression lessens or goes away when they quit ingesting all those chemicals. Alcohol is a depressant on the central nervous system.
If I were you, I'd put the husband, the affair, the job, and all those other worries on the back burner and get yourself into recovery.
If I were you, I'd put the husband, the affair, the job, and all those other worries on the back burner and get yourself into recovery.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Maine
Posts: 21
I am not in the position to be giving advice as this is my first day on the website. But I have recieved probably 10 messages of great advice from people on this website already. There is a lot of good people here.
Welcome aboard.
Welcome aboard.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 7
Thank you everyone
Wow, I am so surprised I had so many posts! I want to thank everyone who is cheering me on. I've been reading in the forums, and I have some hope now. I think I can do it with the support everyone provides here! Well, today is day one of my sobriety. I haven't touched any alcohol or cocaine! I hope I can get through the rest of the day. Thanks again!
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