jerect

Hi,
This is my first post here so please forgive me if it's long.

My husband is in recovery for RX drug abuse. He was addicted to opitates for several years ( prior to me meeting him) and last year, Aug 06, went into rehab for a week for rapid detox at the assistance of his family. ( this was before I met him)

As far as I know since last August he has been clean of opiates. I realize that this takes a huge amount of will power as rapid detox usualy has a low success rate.

When I met him last October he told me of his past drug addiction and his desire to be clean for the rest of his life. However I think that he has switched one addiction out for another. In may when he had his wisdom teeth pulled, I made sure the Dr. Knew of his psat addictions therefore he was prescribed prescription strength motrin. He went through the whole bottle in a matter of three days and it was a big bottle. He will go through an entire bottle of extra strength tylonal in a weeks time, he smokes pot excessivly. I have asked him time and time again not to smoke pot but he continued to do it anyway. Last week the crap hit the fan when he failed a drug test for a new job because of pot. He told me that he did not think that it was a big deal that pot was natural because it grew out of the ground. I told him that if I ever found out he was doing it again or ever saw anything that resembled it in my house that he was outta of there.

He refuses to go to AA meetings or any other type of substance abuse program, He thinks he is clean because he no longer does opiates when clearly the addictive personality is still there.

Is this normal for a substance abuser to substitute one addiction for another?

After rehab, he never went into a program nor did he talk to any one about his addictions and he refuses to acknowledge that he is still in recovery. He thinks he is healed.

We have only been married for 5 months but this is killing our marriage. I love him dearly and aside from the Pot he is a model husband.

I'm at my whits end, I'm trying so hard not to become co dependant but I feel myself cracking.

LearningHusband

It's interesting to hear about his losing a job opportunity, smoking pot, not going to meetings, yet "aside from the pot, he's a model husband". Some model husband! My ex wife is hooked on Rx opiates and try as she might, she can't get clean, despite losing her marriage, son, home, multiple jobs, friends, most of her family etc. To this day she still likes to say "I'm a good mother". Well, just because she says it, doesn't make it so!

You can keep trying to "get him" to do all the things you listed, but until he wants to clean up, there's not a darn thing you can do. If this is what you want, prepare yourself for a hellish roller coaster ride, because it's absolutely guaranteed if he continues to use ANYTHING (yes, even pot that grows "naturally").

Read, learn and Godspeed to you.

LH

misslisa

I agree with learninghusbands response. You can not make him change. He has to decide that for himself. Many people loose everything because they are so romantically involved with their drug addiction. Pot, heroin, alcohol, RX drugs or what ever form it comes in, its still an addiction. he has a problem because he cant stop. You have a problem because you are upset and you are also powerless to this situation.

Dont let it cut deep into your soul and make you a bitter woman. Maybe take some time out for yourself. Go stay somewhere for a few days and find yourself again. Focus on your own future and what you want to do with your life. Carry on with your day to day things. Dont let this ruin your life too. I know that it must be hard because you are in early days of marriage. But if you spend a few moments on this site reading up on others stories. you will find that you are not alone. There are many success stories here too.

I cross addicted many times. Pot was something that I didnt think was bad either! I smoked about $20 a day. A few times there was none available in my area and I would be hunting it down for hours driving all over the country! I had to make the desicion in my head that I wanted to stop. My friends and family had already made their point clear that I should stop. But it never made me stop. I had to decide it one day. and that was from realising that my smoking was not acceptable with my circle of friends. I booked a caravan at a beach for a week and detoxed on a holiday. Oh and there were not really withdrawals from pot, just a bit moody and I didnt sleep to good for the first few days.

Keep us posted with your progress in this situation. Ask anything!!! there are so many members on here with alot of wisdom!

god bless

misslisa

BrokenBridges24

Agree with Learninghusband. Nothing changes if nothing changes. He can not be a model husband if he is doing this. You can not make him be something he does not want to be. You have choices just like he does. But no one can make you do what you do not want to and the same goes for him. I suggest you work on you. Find some peace for yourself. This will drive you batty if you take it upon yourself to cure him. Get to a meeting if you can. Surround yourself with positivity. But above all remember we are here for you. No matter what.

(((HUGS)))
Broken

jerect

What I meant by model was that he treats me well, doesn't yell, no abuse, keeps the house clean and he does have a job still, just not the better job that he flunked his drug test over. I am however making no excuses for what he did. He "promises me that he will never do it again, he also promised his family the same thing. He got mad at me for telling his family about the failed drug test but I felt like his past drug addictions warrented me telling them.

But Yes, Learning Husband, I do understand your point. I guess I'm just trying to figure out how the mind of an addict works. I know I cannot change him. He has to choose this on his own. I am sticking to my guns though, if I see any evidence of pot use in my house he is gone and I am through. It will be hard to walk away but I have to set boundries for myself.

BrokenBridges24

It is hard. You love him. You want to help him. we all want that. but the drugs is just as much abuse if they were to hit you. Sometimes I wish they would. I could possibly except that better then what I have now. Drugs can kill you inside if you let it. It is like a poison that rips out your family if you let it. Take care of yourself. We do care. WE will listen and we stand with you always never against you.

HUGS...

Broken

misslisa

have you threatened to leave before??? Only asking that because when I was using I had many threats from my partner (ex now) that he would leave, but he never did, so i just kept on using and using because I knew he would not leave me.

Im not sure that even by telling him that you will leave is going to change him. but like broken bridges said, you have to work on you! how will you feel if you do leave and he does not fight for you to come back. he may promise you time and time again that he will stop, but do you trust him? has it got to the point now that the trust has completly gone? make sure you get a good support system for yourself. Because if you do leave it will be hard on you in many different ways.

Sit him down and have a good talk with him about it, no yelling, just quiet talking. No finger pointing either!! (only saying that because when others used to point the finger at me it made me rebellious and I used more!) tell him how his actions make you FEEL, How this has all become too much for you to carry. If you get no luck then leave. Leave it all on his shoulders to decide what to do. If he changes and comes back then great. Just take it easy my friend. i dont condone divorce. But each to their own

pumkin

jerect hi,
we are excatly sharing the same destiny in our marriage . ıts been 14 moths and finally I left him 2 monhs ago. I have threaten him so many times to leave but he knows that I am there always.andof course things got worser everyday and I had an unbearable life.then I learned that drug is a most powerful thing. keep using drug is what he does during our marriage .
2 mnths ago I packed my belongings and left after horrible fight, he beat me all night but still packing was the most sad part and I prayed for courage from God that this will be the beginning of my happy life.
and I found the courage and I left without looking back
he still wants me back but believe me he is doing nothing to get me back
he did not even accept attending therapies and still using drugs.
after readig so many life stories here, I sometimes hesitate that if it is the time that he hit bottom and what if he wants to change his attidute.
but whenever he calls me, from his voice I can see he is still on drugs
and I finally figure that he can not come over this unless he wants to
threaten to leave is not the solution and sometimes in life you have to except the fact that you can not change things even if it is the person you want to spend life with and you have to learn to let go.

Ann

Welcome, Jerect, I'm glad you joined us.

Pot may be natural and grow out of the ground, but so are poppies and heroin is a killer. And pot is rarely pure, often with other substances added to it to enhance the "high". We have many here whose lives and families were destroyed by the use of pot.

Although we cannot force the addict to change, we can find help for ourselves, just as you have done by reaching out here to us. Live meetings have helped many of us, I know they literally saved my life. Naranon, Alanon and CoDA are three very similar programs that are not about the substance our addicts use, they are about healing ourselves and learning to work a program that will give us tools to live a healthy and beautiful life...regardless of how our addicts are doing. You would be doing yourself a huge favour to fine a meeting and go see for yourself. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Again, please know we understand and we care and are walking with you on this journey of recovery.

Hugs

Elana

FWIW your husband sounds exactly like my XABF. I think the X before ABF says it all.

My XABF reoplaced cocaine abuse with pot. He can't get a decent job because he smokes it excessively. He can't do much of anything proactive in his life. Can't pass a drug test.

He said he was "clean" from cocaine too. He was never really clean. He replaced Coke and free basing with pot... which he smokes at about the same rate as a cigarette smoker.

As to the whole "natural" argument oh give me a BREAK. Heroine comes from Poppies and they are pretty flowers that grow from the ground. Cocaine is from plant leaves and those plants gorw from the ground.

rayofsunshine

Welcome Jerect. Good advice before me. Be sure to read the "What Addicts Do" sticky post at the top of the forum. This will give you an inside look at the mind of an active addict. Addicts do switch one drug for another, and think they are fine (when it's not true!) Addiction is also progressive. It gets worse over time. Keep reading and posting. You'll get lots of encouragement and support here. And remember the 3 C's of addiction:
1. You didn't Cause it
2. You can't Control it
3. You can't Cure it