odaat

Still feeling miserable. Why are the downs so horribly horrible?!

All my usual support is unavailable. I can't phone anyone as I've got to wait for a phonecall about new tyres for the car. The answerphone doesn't work, so I can't tie up the line. I tried to go in to a chat room that I use regularly that often helps, but my internet connection keeps dying, so I can only read a couple of lines before I get kicked out. There are no meetings on till 8pm tonight. I phoned the Mental Health Team who said it'd be another week until I hear from them. No point going to my GP as she can't do anything.

I just want this feeling to go away. I'm so low now, I don't know how to come back from this. I suppose I'll just sit here and cry untill 8pm.

This isn't really a question, and I don't really know what response I want. Glad to get it out there at least. Thanks.

Rowan

Hi odaat,

I can sympathize. I felt so lonely and depressed in early sobriety - still do, sometimes. Coming here and posting was a good idea.

It's hard to believe that our feelings won't last forever when we are experiencing such lows. All I can do is share from experience - and tell you that they DO pass. Getting sober and dealing with life without our usual support (alcohol or drugs) is an enormous undertaking - so try not to be too hard on yourself.

Do you have some nice, soothing music you can listen to? Burn a couple of candles?
I'm listening to a song at work right now and it's fitting: 'Breathe'

Hang in there, friend. You aren't alone in this, I promise.

Row

odaat

Thanks Rowan. I'm hoping that my husband will be home soon, so he can take over waiting for phone calls and deliveries. I can't really do much as I've got to listen out for the door (stupid almost silent doorbell!).

I just worry that sobriety won't help my depression. I had depression before I drank, while I drank, and while I've been sober.

Rowan

I've been depressed since my early teens, but not diagnosed until my 20's. I was also depressed for a time through sobriety, but it's gotten so much more manageable - especially now that I don't mix my meds with booze.
While alcohol is a stimulant in small doses, in larger dosages it acts as a depressant and has a sedative-like effect. It's no wonder we were depressed in our drinking days.
How long have you been sober? Are you familiar with post acute withdrawal syndrome?

odaat

I've been sober for 10 months. I was hoping that I'd be feeling a bit better by now. I'm still having really low moments, and reaching 'crisis' more often than I'd like. I am having a couple of good days, and trying to stay positive. My anxiety is still bad, but I'm ignoring it. I've started leaving the house again, but it still feels like I'm going to die every time I do go out. Only been going to AA meetings for a fortnight or so. Got to give that time to work I suppose.

I was first diagnosed with depression at 12, around the same time as I started drinking heavily. I was depressed before then, and thats the reason I went looking for alcohol in the first place.

Tazman53

odaat hang in there, this too shall pass. (Stupid cliche that is very true)!

odaat sobriety may not help your depression totally, BUT keep in mind that alcohol is a DEPRESSANT so it will not help depression.

Once you have been sober for about 3 months for the most part the alcohol will be totally out of your system (Except chemicals in our brains), this is when anti-depressants if needed will work the way they are supposed to work.

Alcohol totally messes up what anti-depressants are supposed to do, that is why in great big letters on all of them it says DO NOT TAKE WITH ALCOHOL!

Many alcoholics suffer from depression even after they have fully sobered up, some of them have thier depression go away once they have worked the steps, most have thier depression lessen greatly, but sobriety nor the steps are a total fix for depression, but they are a great place to start working with your therapist on depression.

odaat

Thanks Taz. I've been on Anti-depressants for the ten months I've been sober, but they've not been any help. I'm waiting for a psychiatrist to talk to my doctor to recommend the next step to take. Hopefully I'll be able to get something that helps a little. Hopefully if/when I get refered to therapy, that'll help too. Right now, the only support I've got is AA, and I'm not very good at asking for help (especially when circumstances seem in the way like today).

Rowan

I remember at 10 months how depressed I was. I wrote in my Big Book around that time that I was in the black hole again (what I call depression) and begged God not to let me drink. I eventually did relapse, and thank God I made it back.
If your meds are not helping, don't be afraid to try a new one. It took me many tries to get one that fit.

odaat

I just wish the Doctors would hurry up and let me take something new. I'm just stuck in the same place at the moment, waiting for them to decide my fate

parentrecovers

sending you support, odaat. hugs, k

Rowan

Why not just see your GP and ask to be put on something else? A shrink isn't the only one who can prescribe meds.

odaat

My GP won't prescribe anything, or take me of my current prescription without advice from the psychiatrist due to the negative reaction I've had to some medications in the past. All I can do is wait. I've never met the psychiatrist and have no way to contact him, so I can't phone and beg and plead like I want to. I went to my GP a couple of weeks ago, and she refused.

parentrecovers

hmmm...can you get a new gp?

odaat

I could, but I doubt they'd prescribe anything. I'm assuming that most of them would insist on consulting a specialist as I've had an adverse reaction to two antidepressants, and no benefit from the current ones. I've been with this GP for over a year, and I'm finally getting somewhere with being refered to someone who might let me have therapy, so I really don't want to have to start again at the bottom.

Rowan

Wow - I'm really sorry that you are in this position. I would call your GP and make a lot of noise - tell her how much distress you are in, and that you either need her to consult with this p-doc on your behalf, or she needs to get you in - fast.
I understand you have had previous adverse reactions and her reluctance to prescribe something new - but I think she's copping out on you.

Anna

That does sound difficult. I guess I understand your GP's position, but you would think she would make some effort to help. Does she know that you're feeling really low? It is too bad you had an adverse reaction to a couple of anti-dep because for me it took a few tries to get it right. I had all but given up. I was like you, depressed since my teens, and long, long before I began drinking. I feel very blessed to have found an antidep that works pretty well.

Do call your GP if you feel worse and hang in there.

odaat

Only 2 hours till the meeting. I'm okay hanging on in there, but I wish it didn't hurt so much. I know this isn't suppose to be easy, but I didn't think it'd be this hard. My GP knows how hard I'm finding things, but there isn't really any help available. I've found that support for mental health problems is awful round here. I'm not likely to act upon any of my urges, but I really wish I didn't have to put up with feeling like this. I ended up in A&E with suicidal thoughts in very early sobriety, but they couldn't get through to the doctor on call so I just went home.

Tazman53

odaat do you remember how hard it was to walk into that first AA meeting?

Was it anything at all like you expected?

Take the second step in AA and let people in the rooms know what you are feeling right now.

Another good bit of advice you have been given is to PUSH your GP!!!!!

Your GP works for YOU!!!!

Your GP is not your boss, you are your GPs boss, demand that your GP get on the stick and help you or you are going to find one that will get you the help you need.

odaat

Thats just how it is with health care over here. No point kicking up a fuss, the help just isn't there.

The way I'm feeling now, I'll probably just sit and cry in the meeting tonight. Its my least favourite meeting too, I didn't really feel very good the first time I went there.

Its a very busy meeting, but I'll try and talk to someone.

parentrecovers

it's ok if you cry at a meeting. i cry at alanon sometimes.