cagefree

I've been loving no contact with XABF...then this thing happened last night.

let me back-up. It's a big hobby of mine to make video's set to music and slideshows on my computer. There have been some projects (2 are my best works ever) that took years to finish...I went to go make some CD's last night of these projects and the files were corrupt. No biggie, went to my back-up file and that was corrupt too!

He kept and did not return the copies I made and left at his place for him to look at before he split and I forgot about them when I went over to his place to get my stuff since the files were not corrupt then.

Well - these items he has in his posession have suddenly become of major importance to me since they are now the only working copies of 2 of my best projects, I want and deserve them back. They do not belong to him and I would like him to return what is rightfully mine.

It's been 6 months since I've seen him face to face or talked to him. Not sure how I should go about this. I'm guessing I'm going to need to lower my expectations that:
1. He will return it without attempting manipulation
2. He will not use it as a hook to attempt more contact

I just want him to pop it in the mail, not stop by, not call, not send a ten page letter with the disks.

I have to really respect those who must maintain some form of contact with their A through money, business, or children. It's been nice simply not having him around at all.

How do you handle it? What has worked? I'm wondering if I should just trust myself and give it a shot. I'm thinking of texting or even snail mailing an envelope for him to slip the disks into with postage already paid - so all he has to do is drop it in a mailbox. Should I even bother asking him to leave me alone since he doesn't seem to get that by NOT contacting me he is doing the best, unhurtful thing for me ever?

Mr. Christian

First off I must ask what’s more important, your serenity or the items?


You must also understand that the way you want it to happen most likely wont.

Now if you still need to get it then a simple email will do.
“Mine are corrupt please sent”
Simple.


If there is no response then call it a loss and don’t bother again.

CE Girl

Oh Geez,,Cage,,,,I don't KNOW what I'd do,,

It's been 2 months since last contact for me, and I know, EVERY day it gets a little easier, effortless. My A actually still has some of my posessions, but their not important enough to me to contact him. He can have them, but then again, they are replaceable.

Just a thought. Have you tried having the files restored? I had a problem last year with my hard drive being corrupt at work. As you can imagine, the stuff on there was CRITICAL to my job. The IT department had the hard drive restored and saved a lot of it. The puter gurus put the files they were able to save on disk. Of course, they weren't able to restore them all, but the majority was there. Do you know anyone with a technical background?

For me, your situation would give me an excuse to contact him. Hey, i'm just being honest,,,lol. Of course my first thought would be, "hey, I have no other choice",,lol. I know my codie little self. Even as i was telling myself, ok, I'll just slip a SASE in the mail with a little note saying please return, but KNOW I would obsess and wonder the following:

~ did he get it yet?
~ what did he think when he saw it was from me?
~did his heart soar,,,LMAO
~ does he FINALLY realize what he lost?!?!? he,he,he
~ is he gonna grovel?
~ damn I can't WAIT to feel superior again. This "normal" has been pretty boring

Ok, so you get my point right?!?!?!?

But then, thats me, maybe your further along in your "recovery"

I'd have to find alternatives. My sick little self couldn't handle it,,,

Peace AND love sweetie,,,

Barbara52

I agree with Mr. Christian. I understand you want it and what it represents to you but for me it would not be worth more than a short email/note asking for it. It would indeed be difficult to accept if he refuses to give it to you or doesn't respond, but do you really want to get into the potential drama of anything more in trying to get it?

cagefree

agreed - with all of the above

Avoiding drama is what I want

I stayed up until 3am last night trying to access these files. I thought it might be my device, so I reimaged my laptop - same result. I can take my back-up CD-ROM to a comp place nearby as a last ditch effort, but I'm not optimistic. I actually work for a help desk and I'm helpless!

These took me YEARS or I would not care - one project I began back in 1996 with my little sony vaio. Finished last year. I do have both unfinished projects on a hard disk that stopped spinning a couple years back (I even stuck it in the freezer overnight to no avail) - I can send it out to have a company disassemble the thing and retrieve what's on the disk - about $600.

I was leaning toward the small note with a SASE. I'm thinking if I keep my expectations low, I'll be able to detach. These are extremely important to me, or else I wouldn't care - he has the $500 TV which I could care less about getting back. These projects are truely priceless to me.

Barbara52

Is there anyone else you sent a copy to?

cagefree

God I wish! I finished the projects last year, made a back-up disk of the project file and then got the software I needed to actually write these to DVD's early this year - which is when I made the disks he now has.

I am going to let it stir for a bit...like when you walk around a store with an expensive item you don't necessarily need and later decide you don't want it.

I'm rather peevish on 2 hours of sleep! (yes, I get up at 5 every morning)

hbb

Oh Cage, i'm sorry your going through this. It stinks and i know how it feels when something means that much to you.

Is there anyone else that you and he are both mutual friends with? Could you go through someone else instead of direct to him?

I hear your dilemma, as i too have to get in touch with my exabf to give him a new bank account number which i'm dreading more than getting a tooth pulled without novocain! This thread is much needed to hear different thoughts.

I personally would email or text instead of calling

CE Girl

Uhh,,huh,,I hear that!!!

I would also get advice from someone I trust. For me, that would be my sponsor. She won't give me the answer, but rather help me through the process.

There's a big part of me that says, "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG<<WHY SHOULD I FEEL THIS PARALYZED ABOUT ASKING FOR WHAT I WANT OR NEED?!?!?!"

I've learned SO much in the few months I have been completely detached. And frankly Cage, it would sufficiently **** me off that I feel I need to "stew' about this. After rethinking my original post, I realize it was "reactive" instead of "proactive". At some point we are called upon to put our new found skills into effect. In fact, I've actually DONE it over the last few months. Letting go of things that are potentially toxic to me in other parts of my life. Codependant, and enabling behaviours I have displayed with others BESIDES my A. It seems easy and effortless. But when it come to him, i shake in my boots.

So, it comes down to,,regret. Specificaly, would I have regret if I at least didn't TRY to get this posession that means so much for me back. But preperation is KEY. Ensuring I FIRST know that I am doing this for me, and will not be disapointed if I don't get the result I expected. At least, I could say I tried. And I woud not have a regret. But I would want to make sure I would not regret contacting him to begin with

A tough fine line me thinks,,,,

Peace

embraced2000

well, i understand how much this work means to you....it's sentimental and important to you.

i would send an email asking for the disk as your's is corrupt and tell him you will be sending a sase to mail it to you and how much you would appreciate it.

then you will just have to wait to see if he respects it enough to send it back to you.

good luck and huge hugs
jeri