My Story (newbe)
Well
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Arizona
Posts: 96
My Story (newbe)
I am not new to SR but I am to this forum. I usually post in the anxiety disorder forum. MG recently suggested I post here so here I am.
My name is Karlee I am a 29 year old mother of three. I am living with my exhusband, he is an alcoholic and meth addict. And I am coming to terms with the fact that he is abusive.
I was married to him for 8 year. I divorced him in 2/2006 and after years of blinding myself I opened my eyes. During our marriege there were numerous other women. One affair lasted more than two year.
I was rearly out of the house. I spent all of my time at home. He would make plans with me to keep me at home waiting for him. After hours of waiting if I called his cell he would call with some excuse and say he was on his way. So I liturally spent years waiting for him to come home. I realize now that it was a tactic to keep me home and for him to always know where I was.
He gave me a VD and there is no cure. I will have it forever. I somehow convinced myself that maybe I had it for years and it was dormant. I know now where it really came from. This caused cervical cancer, and ultimantley a complete hysterectomy.
I also found out after the divorce that he had been smoking glass for about 2 years. Again I was floored.
I look back now as so many of us do and see the signs and wonder why I refused to see them.
My family, his family, all our friends, everyone but me knew about his affair. I felt so alone.
After a year of separation. We talked on the phone a lot and I let him convince me that he was better. He had been going to NA and I believed it. So I sold my house in AZ and left everything and everyone I had to move with him to CA.
After being here for a few months I opened my eyes to the fact that he was still using.
As of last week he still is.
I have severe depression and anxiety. I have not been able to work for three months. I am realizing that I will never get better as long as I am here.
I don't know as I write this. And this is the first time I have written it. Why I ever came back.
I cannot believe that I have put myself and my children in this situation again.
What the hell is wrong with me.
He does ok for a while really trying with the kids. Helping with homework and taking them out.
Them he uses and he becomes very verbally abusie to me. He says things like how the woman he had his affair with was the love of his life. And that I am good for nothing. I can't even make food and have no sex drive. Who would at that point. He makes me feel worthless if I don't want to have sex with him 5 times a day. ( I hope I am not sharing to much.)
I am very greatful for SR as it has opened my eyes to so many thing.
A am aware now that I need to leave. I am coming up with a plan.
My name is Karlee I am a 29 year old mother of three. I am living with my exhusband, he is an alcoholic and meth addict. And I am coming to terms with the fact that he is abusive.
I was married to him for 8 year. I divorced him in 2/2006 and after years of blinding myself I opened my eyes. During our marriege there were numerous other women. One affair lasted more than two year.
I was rearly out of the house. I spent all of my time at home. He would make plans with me to keep me at home waiting for him. After hours of waiting if I called his cell he would call with some excuse and say he was on his way. So I liturally spent years waiting for him to come home. I realize now that it was a tactic to keep me home and for him to always know where I was.
He gave me a VD and there is no cure. I will have it forever. I somehow convinced myself that maybe I had it for years and it was dormant. I know now where it really came from. This caused cervical cancer, and ultimantley a complete hysterectomy.
I also found out after the divorce that he had been smoking glass for about 2 years. Again I was floored.
I look back now as so many of us do and see the signs and wonder why I refused to see them.
My family, his family, all our friends, everyone but me knew about his affair. I felt so alone.
After a year of separation. We talked on the phone a lot and I let him convince me that he was better. He had been going to NA and I believed it. So I sold my house in AZ and left everything and everyone I had to move with him to CA.
After being here for a few months I opened my eyes to the fact that he was still using.
As of last week he still is.
I have severe depression and anxiety. I have not been able to work for three months. I am realizing that I will never get better as long as I am here.
I don't know as I write this. And this is the first time I have written it. Why I ever came back.
I cannot believe that I have put myself and my children in this situation again.
What the hell is wrong with me.
He does ok for a while really trying with the kids. Helping with homework and taking them out.
Them he uses and he becomes very verbally abusie to me. He says things like how the woman he had his affair with was the love of his life. And that I am good for nothing. I can't even make food and have no sex drive. Who would at that point. He makes me feel worthless if I don't want to have sex with him 5 times a day. ( I hope I am not sharing to much.)
I am very greatful for SR as it has opened my eyes to so many thing.
A am aware now that I need to leave. I am coming up with a plan.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: on to bigger & better things
Posts: 4,122
Hugs and prayers for you sweetie. What devastation this disease causes in the lives of so many. 29...so young, 3 children .... what a brave young woman. I feel for you and hurt with you...NO ONE deserves that sort of abuse. You are a precious child of God (insert HP if you are uncomfortable with God). I believe that there is wonderful things in store for you and your children. Please take care of you and your kids. Hang in there and see if there's someone, anyone in your area that can be of some assistance to you. Have you ever been to any Al-Anon meetings? Just a suggestion and there's more on here that will come along and share.
Anytime I was in a situation similar to that....I left or I kicked their a$$ out! But that's me. I am a recovering addict/alcoholic, I'm 46 yrs old and I've been clean & sober for over 10 years. The drugs, the drinking yes affect people's behaviors, but I don't care what it is....you really don't have to put up with that sort of abuse.
I'll pray for you and your children, for your safety and sanity.
Anytime I was in a situation similar to that....I left or I kicked their a$$ out! But that's me. I am a recovering addict/alcoholic, I'm 46 yrs old and I've been clean & sober for over 10 years. The drugs, the drinking yes affect people's behaviors, but I don't care what it is....you really don't have to put up with that sort of abuse.
I'll pray for you and your children, for your safety and sanity.
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Blue,
Run .. don't walk .. he is verbally, mentally and emotionally abusing you .. YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS .. To say the things he said to you is cruel and so meth like .. meth is a cruel callous drug and he is trying to manipulate you into having sex with him by using the other women as a hurtful tool .. meth for many addicts put their sex drive in over-drive ... my ex was a meth addict .. I am all too familar with that world .. its dark and ugly
**********{Hugs}}}}}}
Passion
Run .. don't walk .. he is verbally, mentally and emotionally abusing you .. YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS .. To say the things he said to you is cruel and so meth like .. meth is a cruel callous drug and he is trying to manipulate you into having sex with him by using the other women as a hurtful tool .. meth for many addicts put their sex drive in over-drive ... my ex was a meth addict .. I am all too familar with that world .. its dark and ugly
**********{Hugs}}}}}}
Passion
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((Blue))
I have been where you are right now. Down to and including the STD. I stayed with him partly because I felt like I was damaged goods, that no sane person would ever have me. He had physocolically (sp?) brainwashed me. He knew how to convince me that he would be better, it's what I wanted so desperately to hear. I held on to that for 13 years. I put my three kids through hell and didn't even realize what was happening to them or to me for that matter. The women, oh lord, I don't know how many there were, but every time he found a new one, I became trash, when he became tired of that one, it was oh baby I don't know what I was saying, I'm sorry, I'll change if only you will ________.(fill in the blank).
My life crashed. I lost everything including my sanity. The panic and anxiety attacks became so bad, I could not function. I isolated myself from the world to the point I couldn't bring myself to leave my home. I physically made myself so sick, that I was litterally knocking on deaths door.
My salvation? I came on this board and for the first time, I worked step one. I worked it over and over again. As I progressed to the other steps, every now and then I always had to fall back on step one. Slowly but surely, I made progress, and guess what? Today I'm divorced, but I'm happy, I'm at peace, my panic attacks and anxiety are almost gone, I leave my home daily now, I met a wonderful man that even when I told him of the STD, he didn't see me as damaged goods, instead he loved me and held me.
You are taking a good step in coming up with a plan. Getting away from the verbal and mental abuse is key to starting the healing. Normally, I would not tell you to stay or go, it's not my place, except in this instance the kind of abuse you are enduring is as bad or worse than if he beat you to a bloody pulp. Step away from it until you can clear your head and heal, then decide what you want your permanent solution to be.
Sending lots of Hugs and Prayers, and hope, that no matter how bad it is, you can still change your life and be happy again, it starts with step one.
B
I have been where you are right now. Down to and including the STD. I stayed with him partly because I felt like I was damaged goods, that no sane person would ever have me. He had physocolically (sp?) brainwashed me. He knew how to convince me that he would be better, it's what I wanted so desperately to hear. I held on to that for 13 years. I put my three kids through hell and didn't even realize what was happening to them or to me for that matter. The women, oh lord, I don't know how many there were, but every time he found a new one, I became trash, when he became tired of that one, it was oh baby I don't know what I was saying, I'm sorry, I'll change if only you will ________.(fill in the blank).
My life crashed. I lost everything including my sanity. The panic and anxiety attacks became so bad, I could not function. I isolated myself from the world to the point I couldn't bring myself to leave my home. I physically made myself so sick, that I was litterally knocking on deaths door.
My salvation? I came on this board and for the first time, I worked step one. I worked it over and over again. As I progressed to the other steps, every now and then I always had to fall back on step one. Slowly but surely, I made progress, and guess what? Today I'm divorced, but I'm happy, I'm at peace, my panic attacks and anxiety are almost gone, I leave my home daily now, I met a wonderful man that even when I told him of the STD, he didn't see me as damaged goods, instead he loved me and held me.
You are taking a good step in coming up with a plan. Getting away from the verbal and mental abuse is key to starting the healing. Normally, I would not tell you to stay or go, it's not my place, except in this instance the kind of abuse you are enduring is as bad or worse than if he beat you to a bloody pulp. Step away from it until you can clear your head and heal, then decide what you want your permanent solution to be.
Sending lots of Hugs and Prayers, and hope, that no matter how bad it is, you can still change your life and be happy again, it starts with step one.
B
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
There is a thread at the top of this forum called "For The Abused Woman". Please give it a read and know that abuse has a cycle that never ends unless we end it.
If you can call a woman's shelter or an abuse hotline, they may be able to direct you to a place where you and your children will be safe and where you can get help and back on your feet again. They understand all about abuse and how unsettling it is to have to move, but I promise you they can help you if you let them.
Your children know more than you think. They hear the abuse and are affected by it just as you are. Children of abuse often grow up to become abusers themselves or once again the abused. Getting them help now may increase their odds of happiness.
Please know that abuse is not acceptable and you are worth so much better than all of this. If you can escape now, there are people who will help you and make sure you are safe in the meantime.
My prayers go out for you and your children.
Hugs
If you can call a woman's shelter or an abuse hotline, they may be able to direct you to a place where you and your children will be safe and where you can get help and back on your feet again. They understand all about abuse and how unsettling it is to have to move, but I promise you they can help you if you let them.
Your children know more than you think. They hear the abuse and are affected by it just as you are. Children of abuse often grow up to become abusers themselves or once again the abused. Getting them help now may increase their odds of happiness.
Please know that abuse is not acceptable and you are worth so much better than all of this. If you can escape now, there are people who will help you and make sure you are safe in the meantime.
My prayers go out for you and your children.
Hugs
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((blue))
I don't know how old your children are, if they are old enough to understand, I would tell them the truth. Kids already know, we just don't realize it. They sit back silently and endure their own pain, usually never speaking up and telling anyone they hurt because mom and dad already seem to hurt so bad, so they turn it inward and start blaming themselves. They try to understand why this is all happening and since they can't see the real reason, that leaves them with only one thought, I must have done something.
It's never too early to start teaching our kids about the dangers of drugs and addiction.
B
I don't know how old your children are, if they are old enough to understand, I would tell them the truth. Kids already know, we just don't realize it. They sit back silently and endure their own pain, usually never speaking up and telling anyone they hurt because mom and dad already seem to hurt so bad, so they turn it inward and start blaming themselves. They try to understand why this is all happening and since they can't see the real reason, that leaves them with only one thought, I must have done something.
It's never too early to start teaching our kids about the dangers of drugs and addiction.
B
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
You are in my prayers and are doing the right thing. For you and the kids. The violence will only get worse, then maybe directed to the kids! More will be along w/ better advise on what to tell the kids, but as somone said above, RUN, don't walk. Get out NOW.
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