brokenwing

Hi again, I was just wondering if anybody else's A has no contact with family or friends during the binge? I know with my AH when he is gone...he is gone. Almost like he disappeared off the face of the earth. He never answers his phone he doesnt check in with anybody. He runs his own business and his mailbox is full of uanswered message. People have tod me that they have seen him and asked h to call and at least check in, an he says that he will but he never does. He is on day 13 and still nobody has heard from him. Although he's been spotted around town so we at least know hes alive. Why do some keep in contact while others do not? Just curious
Brokenwing

Impurrfect

Hi broken -

I know that when I was active I wouldn't talk to ANYONE but my and neither would any of my "friends". I was using 24/7 and just didn't want to call my family have them ask "what are you doing" knowing I was one of the rare addicts who did't lie, I knew I'd have to tell them "getting high....screwing up my life". I didn't want to have to face the heartbreak and despair I was causing them.

I don't know what anyone else's reason is, but I know it is VERY common. When the dope takes over, addicts don't think about anything else - ESPECIALLY reality - that's what they are trying to escape.

I'm sorry for what you are going through, and I hope you hear from your AH soon.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

marle

I have not seen my daughter for over 6 months. When she is using she doesn't care and when she is not using, she is jonesing and miserable. If I did not call every couple of months, I would have absolutely no communication with her. Hugs, Marle

nytepassion

As my addiction worsened .. family and friends saw less and less of me .. Honestly I couldn't break myself away from my dope long enough to give them the time of day. I didn't want to have to be someone I was not .. and around my family I felt like I had to be clean .. and I wasn't .. I couldn't pretend .. so I just didn't go around UNLESS of course I needed to borrow money for more dope ... when the addict is on a binge all that he/she is doing is "feeding frenzy" totally being a full blown addict to the fullest extent (feeding the addiction) gorging themselves ... the parasite in their brain is in total complete control and it is insatible ...

Passion

helga

I'm not sure what is your addict's DOC, but mine was coke, and after a few days he would freebase it, essentially crack. That was extremely embarrassing for him, so he would often hide in the bathroom or kitchen, and get grumpy if I would hang around him. Shame is often the cause of hiding.

brokenwing

Thankyou everyone for your honesty and your responses. My Ah DOC is crack, he smokes it and often will shootup as well. He recently turned on to Oxy's. H e said that it helps him get off of the crack. I dont know. I have never done drugs other than marjauna in my earlier years. I think that he now uses the oxy's to be able to eat and sleep as he usually comes back after a binge dehyderated and thin. When someone saw him a few days ago they said he didn't look that bad. Hard to believe for the amount of drugs he uses. Oh well, just waiting it out now. And thats the hardest part. Not knowing if he will survive this binge or if the cops will get him for something.
Brokenwing

cinderellawkids

WHen my AH is binging none hears from him, although his binges are lasting shorter and shorter these days, now average is 1 to 2 days, with lots of calls the last days. I can barely remember the long ones, but I remember they were terrifying for me. Crack addicts seem to vary. My husband is a binger uses ever 7 to 10 days with every other time being longer. His long time friend recently used with him, then went MIA even from him, checking with other NA friends he was told that the other guy would be gone weeks contacting noone until he ends up in jail, thats been his cycle for years.

It does seem though binge times the barely stop to eat or sleep continuous use, they hide from their loved ones, I know my AH would be spotted crossing the street near various pawn shops and we'd know he was alive

hello-kitty

When I was using I only wanted to be around other people who were using. I didn't want to listen to my family bitch or ask me when I Was coming home so I just didn't call. Time seemed to disapear. On Sunday, I would be shocked when I realized that I'd been up since Thursday night... Day runs into night runs into day.... You get into a really weird zone where you are tweaked and would be unable to place a phone call or carry on a normal conversation so you just let the phone ring and ring and ring.... If you answered it, you'd just have to lie about what you were doing or when you were coming home anyway.

When my ex was using, he just didn't care. I knew he was using. I would use with him. He was too busy chasing and then when he found the dope, he was to busy using to call anyone - unless he needed money or he was coming down and needed a place to crash.

Broken that makes total sense about the oxys. I used to take seroquel or whatever I could get my hands on to make me sleep and make the withdrawals easier.

rahsue

one of the ways I know my son has relapsed is he gets all by himself. every now and then he'll say a few words, I think its to "throw us off"

Spiritual Seeker

The addict I love is my son. When the phone DOESN'T ring...I know it is him and that it isn't pretty.

Doug

My heart goes out to you BW, that's a rough way to live. 13 days? Wow.

BrokenBridges24

((((Hugs))) It is a lot of wasted energy trying to figure out the whys. Does not really matter why they do not call or why they never check in when they are doing bad. If I were you I would sit down and say a prayer for your A and yourself. Let go and give your A to god. Then do something for you today. Go for a walk. It is a lovely day here. The sun is shining and the air is cool. It is a great day to be outside. If you can not go outside why not call a friend or famiy member and go for a visit. Do not sit and wonder. You did not cause it, you can not control it. Do not waste your life away wondering. You can get to a point where you never see the light of day doing that. Work on you.

((((big hugs))))
-Broken

Jaded Diva

When my husband would "go to the store and I'll be right back" - and an hour would pass and I'd call....if he was using, the phone would be off. If he wasnt', he'd answer right away (usually with "I ran into so and so" and you'd hear our friend in the background or something).

After the 2nd and 3rd hour, if the phone was still off, I know he was either trying to find one of his dealers OR had already found them and was using. He'd usually come home within 4 hours. Sometimes, the phone would ring - but he wouldn't answer. Usually it was because he was waiting for a callback from the dealer. Sometimes I'd have our friends try and call him - and same thing, he wouldn't answer if the phone was on. He'd refuse to speak to anyone. ONe particular instance - a long time friend (non user) saw him at a convenience store - apparently while he was waiting for his dealer- and the friend didn't know. He went over to talk to my husband, and not only did he not speak to his friend, he turned the truck on and LEFT, almost running over his friend!! He was so paranoid someone knew what he was doing (the friend was clueless about the situation), instead of just saying hey and chitchatting for a minute (which the friend would have suspected nothing) and then having his friend go on his way, he RUNS!!

God, I am so glad I don't have to re-live those days anymore.

DoingWell

My xhb is a recovering crack addict. DRugs or no drugs, sick or no sickness I wasn't letting my house with my children become his flop house/motel
I had to nip this right away because of myself and my kids, I was not ok with going without hearing from him for days and it was NOT ok for him to come and go when he pleased when he shunned all other responsibilities.
For me it wasn't trying to understand why he did it. I already knew why, but it was still unacceptable behavior of a life partner. Period.