Hope

I've been angry at everything and everyone this past week but it isn't hurting them, it is eating me up inside. Anger is like a poison and it has affected me emotionally and I act out of anger and argue with people and in turn, get depressed. This whole past week has been nothing but depression, anger, and tears.

It started over my cousin turning 21 and her comment about going out and celebrating with a glass of wine and making an issue about me not being able to drink. She made a totally unneccessary comment that left me ANGRY and I guess I was jealous but it's not doing me any good except making my life miserable.

I have to break out of this anger and resentment because I don't want to stay moody, miserable, and angry.

I'm trying to let go but having trouble with that.

barb dwyer

hi Hope -

ok take a breath.

there ya go.

I think family and friends get intimidated when we stop drinking. It makes them feel like THEY might be doing something wrong. Think about it this way - some people have such LOW self images, that they are frightened when someone around them tries to do the right thing. Instead of being happy for them (you) they feel it's some kind of slam against them.

Sound familiar?

Alcoholics think that way, hon.

Anger is a fabulous motivator. It's not quite so dark when you use that exra energy to accomplish things that need doing physically. I remember how FAST I could sweep the porch is my mother really succeeded in ticking me off enough before I started.

When we get going on our 'road to happy destiny' our path of recovery, our focus changes. Whereas now , we can only see form one party to the next ... one friday night in the bar to the next ... we're looking at all the things that SEEMED important that we now think we CAN'T do ....
as we recover ...
this WORLD opens up .. and we can SEE it - it's filled with even BETTER things that we could never do before, because we were chasing the next drunk.
Our focus changes - from what we can't do ...
into ... what CAN'T we do!

there's this whole WORLD of other stuff going on.
And it *has* been going on the whole time we were drunk!
And stuff in this 'other' world ... MATTERS! It's REAL.
Rather incredible, in fact.

Then again - there *are* people in the world who are just jerks.
You could just put horse linament in her lip gloss and be done with it. YOu know - move on and all that.

It's all about the choice.

Anna

That was thoughtless on your cousin's part and I understand how you would feel hurt. I told almost no one that I was stopping drinking and I got a couple of strange looks, but no nasty comments like that.

Hope, just feel good that you are doing the right thing by working on your sobriety. And, yes, I get in cycles like that too sometimes and they are dangerous. It's all about letting go. That doesn't mean pretending your cousin didn't say anything. Feel the emotions, own the emotions, but then let them go and do something nice for yourself.

Dee74

As a sober guy, I also find I have to relearn a sense of perspective.

Sometimes people will be human (or less than) and say hurtful or stupid things.

We have to learn to process them and let them go without holding on to them for weeks, ya know ?

you can do it Hope4

D

SaTiT

Hi Hope

tomorrow morning....really, really early in the morning, call your
cousin and wish her a late happy birthday.lol

this way you can release pinned up energy and say something nice
to someone at the sametime.lol

barb dwyer

LOL SaTIT !!! Good one.

SaTiT

oki doki hope

i got this from the course of miracles. it's an excersise.

I'm t-off at____________________because of _______________________
__________________________________________________ ____________
__________________________________________________ ____________
__________________________________________________ ____________
__________________________________________________ ____________.

there's damn holes in some of my notepads from me stabing it.lol
i keep telling my GF not to read my journal..lmaf

Captain Kirk

Hi Hope,
Cruel comment by your cousin. But maybe she's not mature enough to understand how serious our condition is. Maybe you might want to try and explain it to her. If she's even half as smart as you she should be able to understand.
Yea, I have to agree anger is an unhealthy emotion.
Try to stay kool and not feel mad at yourself. There are many ignorant people about who often say/do things without realising they're hurting someone's feelings. Nobody can change anybody else. We're all diffrent, which I believe is a really good thing because wouldn't the world be a black and white place if we were all the same!
Next time somebody says something which upsets you don't get all mad at yourself, because it was their wrong not yours. Instead try to talk the issue over with them and try to explain how they made you feel, but do it in a calm and rational way without raising your voice - not easy, I know, but with time and practice you can actually make it the natural way to express yourself. And doing so in such a way will earn you much more respect then yelling. Nobody likes someone who yells.
Good luck!

Aysha

Boy is anger my biggest flaw.
But I have learned to calm down quite a bit.
I have to really catch myself and talk myself down.
I make sure I stop and think about it it first and just tell myself it's not worth it.
That was real stupid of your cousin to say anything in regards to your drinking.
Sorry but it is wrong.
Dont be angry...Just be glad you know better..Been there done that kinda thing.
Anger is a hard emotion to deal with.
I do alot of talking myself in and out of things now. Affirmations like crazy.
I hope you feel better.
Dont let others push your buttons.
You are clean and thats all that matters.

Pinkcuda

I find that most, if not all, people who make their little childish comments to me are those who have a problem themselves. They just don't have the guts to do what I did about it. I just dismiss them.
In time I wouldn't be surprised if your Cousin comes to you for advise. As of now, the fact that a comment like that was made indicates that Alcohol was an influence and something to be idolized. The "I can drink and you can't" statement means she places a value on alcohol. It may just be childish and the novelty of being able to legally drink overwhelmed her. Either way, don't let it bother you. Besides, why would somebody waste time and effort with a glass of wine? I've never drank wine from a glass in my life.

Octoman

Hi Hope
Thanks for sharing that. Like the others said, I dont think anyone could possibly know the severity of our problem unless they had been there. The comments were thoughtless but not maliscious.
It got me thinking about similar situations I have faced and how I too have become angry.
I think sharing your thoughts as you have done is a great step towards getting these emotions under control. I should do so a bit more often too.

Missymae737

Hope,

I have had a issue with anger pretty much my whole life...It started in my childhood..I come from an alcoholic home and developed anger on the INSIDE...I was NOT allowed to express this anger, which in turn caused depression while masking this anger...

I was angry at THEM, my parents, I was angry at the world...When I picked up my first drink I was angry I was alcoholic...

I denied being angry for so long because I was the perfect lady...

Something happened in early sobriety...The time bomb exploded and I was faced with this painful emotion...I couldn't run from it anymore..AA taught me to feel this emotion in a healthy way and let it go...

I am no longer a prisoner to anger.

mike_mass

I found that stress/anxiety reduction has helped me a lot with anger. Specifically, I have taken up group meditation and set aside time each day for prayer. It really helps.

jinxblu

Wow...I am so glad you talked about this because there are shi%%#y people out there and things will be said that will hurt your feelings and we feel what we feel...that's what makes us human. However, what they tell me in AA is to "Let go and let God"...so yes, I get angry and yes my initial reaction is to strike out and hurt them back, but they tell me that that will lead me back to the bottle so I am learning to stop, pray for the a$$hole who said such an insensitive/unkind thing and then go on with my life.........

Jersey Nonny

If it makes you feel any better, you could pray that her 21st Birthday will be memorable because she drank too much, got sick, and barfed her guts up...but, of course got home safe. Yeah...that would work for me!

Hope

LOL, Your posts have seriously made me feel better and gave me a lot to think about.
Yes, anger is a very unhealthy emotion...
And...I had to let go. Well, I let go about 80% but there's still the other 20% trying to be held on to.

I focused on positive stuff today. This was the first day this week that I didn't overreact to something and I actually felt better. I realized that I had not been taking care of my own self or my needs. I've been neglecting my own needs in dealing with others.
I had to bring the focus back on my recovery and had to have some me time.

I feel better. I'm exhausted now but not sad, angry, or stressed.

And guess what???

My computer started acting crazy and I needed to do work for my internet class and instead of flipping out, I remained calm and prayed about it, refocused and fixed what was wrong. I didn't get all stressed and feel like throwing it out the door, lol.
Whew, today was pretty good.

I'm exausted right now and still have work to do for my class but I can't focus right now so maybe I'll just try to get some sleep.

You guys have helped me so much. Big time thanks!!

Hope

I seriously want to run away from my family. GRRRR..
I hope I can go back to college this January.
I have to get away from here.

nogard

Its ok to be Angry you know its a natural emotion, but hanging on to it and living off oit brings us trouble, best to deal with it and maybe talk to a member then let it go.

You better let it go or I will be other there being very Angry with you!

Kevin