Feeling much more peaceful today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: St. Petersburg, Florida
Posts: 684
Feeling much more peaceful today
Hello SR Friends,
Well maybe AH heard some of my feelings the other day. I was able to voice my feelings and stick to the topic of feeling disrespected and devalued with my boundaries. He expressed that he also felt disrespected by me because of the angry words that would come out of my mouth. My mouth unfortunately can be used to curse someone or to help uplift someone. As a kid words were thrown around to verbally attack and get us kids to comply. Its a long history that I have to work on daily. Hearing how miserable my AH is because he feels I'm overbearing and controlling did not feel good to hear, but at any case those are the feelings he expressed. I can argue about whether he's right or not until I'm blue in the face it will not change that he is feeling these things about me. So basically I said o.k. then its time for me to real myself in again and take my hands off anything that you do. I let him know that if its a decision that would impact me and the kids negatively be prepared that I will have something to say about it.
The biggest thing I felt that needed to be said is that our happiness as individuals and a couple is the most important thing here. My unhappiness was coming from the fact that he has been so unhappy.
A codependent trait that is hard to shake. :horse The ultimate goal is to stay peaceful and joyful regardless of whether AH is happy or not. Its hard to remain positive with someone in the home that is always irritable and grumpy.
AH went to his meeting on Monday night and celebrated his 6th month of sobriety. His attitude and behavior has been much more pleasant since then and after we had our discussion. What I realize is that I can't force him to work his program like I want him to. He has to want to do that on his own, regardless of whether he works the program gets another sponser, etc. there is still an importance of having a peaceful home. Living with active A'ism is like living in a war zone... I've had enough of that. It's time to have the stability that I know and love and want to teach my children about. AH wants that peace, stability, and serenity in the home but has a very hard time finding that with in himself. Thanks for the E,S, and H.
Peace to all today,
Shaun
Well maybe AH heard some of my feelings the other day. I was able to voice my feelings and stick to the topic of feeling disrespected and devalued with my boundaries. He expressed that he also felt disrespected by me because of the angry words that would come out of my mouth. My mouth unfortunately can be used to curse someone or to help uplift someone. As a kid words were thrown around to verbally attack and get us kids to comply. Its a long history that I have to work on daily. Hearing how miserable my AH is because he feels I'm overbearing and controlling did not feel good to hear, but at any case those are the feelings he expressed. I can argue about whether he's right or not until I'm blue in the face it will not change that he is feeling these things about me. So basically I said o.k. then its time for me to real myself in again and take my hands off anything that you do. I let him know that if its a decision that would impact me and the kids negatively be prepared that I will have something to say about it.
The biggest thing I felt that needed to be said is that our happiness as individuals and a couple is the most important thing here. My unhappiness was coming from the fact that he has been so unhappy.
A codependent trait that is hard to shake. :horse The ultimate goal is to stay peaceful and joyful regardless of whether AH is happy or not. Its hard to remain positive with someone in the home that is always irritable and grumpy.
AH went to his meeting on Monday night and celebrated his 6th month of sobriety. His attitude and behavior has been much more pleasant since then and after we had our discussion. What I realize is that I can't force him to work his program like I want him to. He has to want to do that on his own, regardless of whether he works the program gets another sponser, etc. there is still an importance of having a peaceful home. Living with active A'ism is like living in a war zone... I've had enough of that. It's time to have the stability that I know and love and want to teach my children about. AH wants that peace, stability, and serenity in the home but has a very hard time finding that with in himself. Thanks for the E,S, and H.
Peace to all today,
Shaun
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
At the end of the day, we are all different, we love our family and most of us put up with a fair bit of flack because of it. Then, I think we all reach our tolerance point, or breaking point and eventually make a decision to get on with it.
Thats what I did, as it was driving me mad. I feel the best love we can give our loved ones is to distance ourself from this obsession and get free.
Its something that is always going to be there and we have to face it. I guess its whether we want to be a part of that.
Thats what I did, as it was driving me mad. I feel the best love we can give our loved ones is to distance ourself from this obsession and get free.
Its something that is always going to be there and we have to face it. I guess its whether we want to be a part of that.
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