Things happen for a reason....
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Things happen for a reason....
I believe that to the fullest.
I was just thinking all last night about how certain things that seem bad turn out actually for the better.
Like my court thing..The ones who know what I mean. That was the start. Then over four years of messin up...Just this year did I start to feel reprecussions and start having to face consequence for it.
I have gotten 3 tickets last month. Just my luck running out really. But even though these things happen and are a pain in the butt. It is nothing compared to what COULD happen if these things didnt trip me up. In other words...I am cashing in and leaving while I still can.
I havent been in my cop spots in about a month and seems like all hell has broken loose. It is on the news every other day because someone got shot or got beat down real bad...AlOT of gang stuff. Right where I hang at.
Plus. I am working again and I am just giving everything my all this time. Anytime I feel like getting lazy the littlest bit...I have to reassure myself that it is for a good reason. Like I dont feel like getting up or doing something I have to do. I need to kick my own a$$ and get it done.
Anyway...My point is...That my luck was running out and it just so happens that at the same time I decided to get right and things are just falling into place. Very slow but sure.
I cant wait until my last court is done. May be a trial...Hopefully not. But whatever happens..I am going to take it with dignity and do what I have to do.
The excuses stop here.
And whatever happens with that...It already has made me learn a lesson and made me start being who I use to be. An honest person who's integrity means something. And working my ass off and doing what I am suppose to just because thats how it is. Not just to be looking good for minute or hey look at what I can do kind of crap. If that makes sense.
I was just thinking all last night about how certain things that seem bad turn out actually for the better.
Like my court thing..The ones who know what I mean. That was the start. Then over four years of messin up...Just this year did I start to feel reprecussions and start having to face consequence for it.
I have gotten 3 tickets last month. Just my luck running out really. But even though these things happen and are a pain in the butt. It is nothing compared to what COULD happen if these things didnt trip me up. In other words...I am cashing in and leaving while I still can.
I havent been in my cop spots in about a month and seems like all hell has broken loose. It is on the news every other day because someone got shot or got beat down real bad...AlOT of gang stuff. Right where I hang at.
Plus. I am working again and I am just giving everything my all this time. Anytime I feel like getting lazy the littlest bit...I have to reassure myself that it is for a good reason. Like I dont feel like getting up or doing something I have to do. I need to kick my own a$$ and get it done.
Anyway...My point is...That my luck was running out and it just so happens that at the same time I decided to get right and things are just falling into place. Very slow but sure.
I cant wait until my last court is done. May be a trial...Hopefully not. But whatever happens..I am going to take it with dignity and do what I have to do.
The excuses stop here.
And whatever happens with that...It already has made me learn a lesson and made me start being who I use to be. An honest person who's integrity means something. And working my ass off and doing what I am suppose to just because thats how it is. Not just to be looking good for minute or hey look at what I can do kind of crap. If that makes sense.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Living life on life terms! Wow always love the sound of that Taz! It is working for me 
and so happy that it is working for you Chiy! 
and so happy that it is working for you Chiy! Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Chiy,
I am so proud of you...I see growth in you and you are well on your way to a meaningful life in recovery...
I recently was in court and I believe because I was honest, I was given the leniant sentence...If I do everything I am suppose to do in one year, the charge will be dropped...
I am so proud of you...I see growth in you and you are well on your way to a meaningful life in recovery...
I recently was in court and I believe because I was honest, I was given the leniant sentence...If I do everything I am suppose to do in one year, the charge will be dropped...
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Oh..Is that what you call it??
I thought it was just me just giving in finally and stop trying to fight everything.
I was spoiled all my life and I am learning the hard way at a late age what responsibility is.
So I guess I give!!!!
Time to start being an adult and one with integrity and humility.
This recovery stuff is so complex but so simple at the same time.
This is truely the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
Because not only am I trying to stay clean. But I am learning to be a responsible adult type person too.
It is alot at times to deal with all at once. But I am just taking it as it comes and just keeping my head up and I am going to keep moving forward to the best of my ability.
I cant say it is fun or I have a whole new wonderful butterflies and ponies outlook. But I am making it.
It's weird. I got the pink cloud thing everytime in the past. I didnt get that this time.
I just feel relief and pride.
I really do feel like maybe it IS going to be Ok now.
I have fought with this evil addiction all my life. And never had or even tried to get clean until this year. And I failed miserably at my first attempts. Almost cost me my life a few months ago because of the disappointment of relapse.
So I am sitting here right now with tears in my eyes just ..I dont know..I cant even put into words. But it is a good thing.
I am just so tired of being that person and losing that battle time and time again.
Now I am picking up pieces of my life and catching up on things. And it is hell.
It sucks alot.
But I know...That when it is all said and done. I will have a brand spanking new shiny clean slate to work with.
Did any of you have failed attempts over and over but the one that finally was "THE ONE". Did you know it. Or did it just happen?
Because this feels so different than any time before.
It feels more serious and stable.
I am not all...and no offense to anyone else...But I am not all...Hey this is great!!...I got such and such days....I am just so grateful to get through a day clean. And not only that. But getting through a day period sometimes.
I feel like this is an uphill battle.
But I had a high all the other times...A clean and sober high. I dont this time. I feel like I am working my butt off and it is exhausting.
I DO NOT WANT TO RELAPSE AGAIN!!!!
I cant.
I wont.
My guard is so freakin high right now..It makes me a nervous wreck sometimes.
I cant even entertain any little thought of using.
I dont want to see or hear anything that has to do with drugs.
I use to love that show intervention.
But it would trigger me alot. I relize this now. I was watching it to see them get high.
Thats it! Then I would get my urges. Almost like dangling a carrot in my face.
I wont even watch it anymore.
Anyway. I am just bursting with emotions today.
Sorry for the long posts.
But thanks all of you for reading and being here.
I thought it was just me just giving in finally and stop trying to fight everything.
I was spoiled all my life and I am learning the hard way at a late age what responsibility is.
So I guess I give!!!!
Time to start being an adult and one with integrity and humility.
This recovery stuff is so complex but so simple at the same time.
This is truely the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
Because not only am I trying to stay clean. But I am learning to be a responsible adult type person too.
It is alot at times to deal with all at once. But I am just taking it as it comes and just keeping my head up and I am going to keep moving forward to the best of my ability.
I cant say it is fun or I have a whole new wonderful butterflies and ponies outlook. But I am making it.
It's weird. I got the pink cloud thing everytime in the past. I didnt get that this time.
I just feel relief and pride.
I really do feel like maybe it IS going to be Ok now.
I have fought with this evil addiction all my life. And never had or even tried to get clean until this year. And I failed miserably at my first attempts. Almost cost me my life a few months ago because of the disappointment of relapse.
So I am sitting here right now with tears in my eyes just ..I dont know..I cant even put into words. But it is a good thing.
I am just so tired of being that person and losing that battle time and time again.
Now I am picking up pieces of my life and catching up on things. And it is hell.
It sucks alot.
But I know...That when it is all said and done. I will have a brand spanking new shiny clean slate to work with.
Did any of you have failed attempts over and over but the one that finally was "THE ONE". Did you know it. Or did it just happen?
Because this feels so different than any time before.
It feels more serious and stable.
I am not all...and no offense to anyone else...But I am not all...Hey this is great!!...I got such and such days....I am just so grateful to get through a day clean. And not only that. But getting through a day period sometimes.
I feel like this is an uphill battle.
But I had a high all the other times...A clean and sober high. I dont this time. I feel like I am working my butt off and it is exhausting.
I DO NOT WANT TO RELAPSE AGAIN!!!!
I cant.
I wont.
My guard is so freakin high right now..It makes me a nervous wreck sometimes.
I cant even entertain any little thought of using.
I dont want to see or hear anything that has to do with drugs.
I use to love that show intervention.
But it would trigger me alot. I relize this now. I was watching it to see them get high.
Thats it! Then I would get my urges. Almost like dangling a carrot in my face.
I wont even watch it anymore.
Anyway. I am just bursting with emotions today.
Sorry for the long posts.
But thanks all of you for reading and being here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Trish,
You mentioned that it wasn't all butterflies and ponies, but you were making it. That's a good outlook to have - because, that's reality for most of us in early recovery. And yes, after relapsing a few times, I do feel like I'm in a safer place.
Even so, I have to be so vigilant about my recovery, even while feeling 'safe'. I've learned that safe can be an illusion, and I better not let my guard down, or else my disease will be waiting for me with open arms to comfort me.
I'm glad you're doing better, Trish.
Row
You mentioned that it wasn't all butterflies and ponies, but you were making it. That's a good outlook to have - because, that's reality for most of us in early recovery. And yes, after relapsing a few times, I do feel like I'm in a safer place.
Even so, I have to be so vigilant about my recovery, even while feeling 'safe'. I've learned that safe can be an illusion, and I better not let my guard down, or else my disease will be waiting for me with open arms to comfort me.
I'm glad you're doing better, Trish.
Row
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Trish,
You are so different this time, and we all see it. It's wonderful. It gives me hope.
One day at a time. Do the next right thing. I used to think those sayings were stupid cliches, but darn it, its the way to handle it.
big hugs
Karen
You are so different this time, and we all see it. It's wonderful. It gives me hope.
One day at a time. Do the next right thing. I used to think those sayings were stupid cliches, but darn it, its the way to handle it.
big hugs
Karen
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