update on Son
StrivingToThrive
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
update on Son
Well my son had court today and they did decide to charge him with possession and delivery of Marijuana. I can't believe that I am glad. For so long i have always wanted him to escape trouble. It was my job to help keep him out of trouble. Now this time I was afraid he was not going to be charged because he was the passenger not the driver. I know now that if he gets out of this then its only a matter of time... He might still only get probation ( which I guess he'll probably blow anyway) . My family can't believe that I hope he goes to jail for this. They don't understand why i would want him to have a record. Its not that I want it, its that I think he needs it! He hasn't got it yet so I pray something anything ( jail?) might wake him up.(?)
so of course he has to stay at his addict-friend's house in eugene, until court on Nov. 2.
He is such a different person now, he is so . . . Yucky! ( couldn't think of a word to describe him/it) its hard sometimes because I see now what a long way he has to go and its painful and scary for me to see that. I am working HARD on detaching with love, Giving it over to my HP, Working on me and my search of serenity and sanity!
so of course he has to stay at his addict-friend's house in eugene, until court on Nov. 2.
He is such a different person now, he is so . . . Yucky! ( couldn't think of a word to describe him/it) its hard sometimes because I see now what a long way he has to go and its painful and scary for me to see that. I am working HARD on detaching with love, Giving it over to my HP, Working on me and my search of serenity and sanity!
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
cece,
I hated the thought of sending, yeah sending, my own son to jail.
I didn't want to be that kind of mom.
Ya know, he was grateful when it was all said and done?
He went into our home while we were on vacation a few years ago and took alot. Sold it for drugs.
Even called me to let me know he did it.
Definitely a cry for help. I helped alright. He kept refusing rehab, so when this happened, there was no going back.
He spent 6 months there and kicked his dope addiction.
Don't get me wrong, he's still an addict with the same tendencies.
Lying, manipulation, self-centered, ect. He also still smokes weed and drinks beer occasionally.
Thank God he has an appointment on the 2nd to talk with a psychiatrist about his bi-polar symptoms and anxiety attacks.
Maybe, just maybe, the self medicating will be over.
I don't know, since he's never worked a program or gone to meetings, if this doctor appointment is gonna "fix" things. I'm leaving it all up to HP. He knows what my son needs and will provide (prescibe) it, as needed.
It's up to my son on whether he follows the directions.
Sending prayers out to you and your son. At sr, if a child has to do jail time to get off the streets...it's a blessing.
All said with love and understanding,
Linda
I hated the thought of sending, yeah sending, my own son to jail.
I didn't want to be that kind of mom.
Ya know, he was grateful when it was all said and done?
He went into our home while we were on vacation a few years ago and took alot. Sold it for drugs.
Even called me to let me know he did it.
Definitely a cry for help. I helped alright. He kept refusing rehab, so when this happened, there was no going back.
He spent 6 months there and kicked his dope addiction.
Don't get me wrong, he's still an addict with the same tendencies.
Lying, manipulation, self-centered, ect. He also still smokes weed and drinks beer occasionally.
Thank God he has an appointment on the 2nd to talk with a psychiatrist about his bi-polar symptoms and anxiety attacks.
Maybe, just maybe, the self medicating will be over.
I don't know, since he's never worked a program or gone to meetings, if this doctor appointment is gonna "fix" things. I'm leaving it all up to HP. He knows what my son needs and will provide (prescibe) it, as needed.
It's up to my son on whether he follows the directions.
Sending prayers out to you and your son. At sr, if a child has to do jail time to get off the streets...it's a blessing.
All said with love and understanding,
Linda
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Originally Posted by cece 
I am working HARD on detaching with love, Giving it over to my HP, Working on me and my search of serenity and sanity!
Like you, I'm always working on this same step...turning it over to the will of my H.P.
Without us getting in the way, our H.P. has plans for these son's of ours....(I just wish he'd sometimes give me a clue as to what the plan IS...
)Thinking of you,
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
I sure get what you mean by Yucky. Addiction alters our addicts.
I find AS when trapped in addiction is a stranger to me. Beloved still but a stranger nevertheless. An adult child's addict consequences and thoughts of where their lives are taking them are scary,
painful and sad. You are not alone as you walk through the feelings. We care and understand. Family members may not get it but we do. They are dealing with their own concerns and fears about jail. I'm glad you are here at SR to say what's on your mind and get support.
There are far worse places for an adddict to be than jail. Jail saves addicts from themselves. I've felt relieved and slept better at night knowing AS was in a controlled environment with regular meals, a bed and the opportunity to get clean if he chose to do so. Jail can be a wakeup call for some.
Hugs
I find AS when trapped in addiction is a stranger to me. Beloved still but a stranger nevertheless. An adult child's addict consequences and thoughts of where their lives are taking them are scary,
painful and sad. You are not alone as you walk through the feelings. We care and understand. Family members may not get it but we do. They are dealing with their own concerns and fears about jail. I'm glad you are here at SR to say what's on your mind and get support.
There are far worse places for an adddict to be than jail. Jail saves addicts from themselves. I've felt relieved and slept better at night knowing AS was in a controlled environment with regular meals, a bed and the opportunity to get clean if he chose to do so. Jail can be a wakeup call for some.
Hugs
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Rehab and jail - two of my favs!!!
When my son was at the height of his using (pot/alcohol), he was supporting his habit by stealing parts from trucking companies and reselling the parts to some recycler. Every time I saw him, he was dirtier and more unkempt. His hair was longer (never combed), his car had one more ding, dent or bungee-corded bumper and he was often wearing the same worn and dirty clothes. He smelled bad. He looked bad. He did bad things.
This is the same kid who excelled at football, is everybody's "buddy" (friendly, personable); considered good looking (6' 7", blonde, great teeth, wonderful personality) and is an Eagle Scout - polite and concientious and all that you might imagine a Scout to be.
Same kid.
Today, he has some recovery behind him, but he has made a choice to "go back out". He hasn't fallen as far as he did before... and is "considering" if "social using" is getting in the way of his ambitions. (It seems OBVIOUS to me... but he has to see it for himself).
When he FINALLY went to jail, I was so relieved. And imagine HIS chagrin to discover that HIS former Scout master was the District Court judge... who recused himself from the hearing, but still - they both were aware of each other's presence.
My son HAD to fall in order to get help the first time. My prayers are that the fall can be faster this time... but what I know is that "it takes what it takes".
My son has a Higher Power walking with him during this time... I know that I do not have to watch over him - he IS safe.
Alanon helped me to understand these things both intellectually and emotionally. At Alanon, I am surrounded by folks who ALREADY understand and to whom I owe no explanation if I am "happy" (relieved) when my kid goes to jail. Perhaps you might consider taking in a half-dozen meetings or so... they helped me very much.
I wish you the best.
When my son was at the height of his using (pot/alcohol), he was supporting his habit by stealing parts from trucking companies and reselling the parts to some recycler. Every time I saw him, he was dirtier and more unkempt. His hair was longer (never combed), his car had one more ding, dent or bungee-corded bumper and he was often wearing the same worn and dirty clothes. He smelled bad. He looked bad. He did bad things.
This is the same kid who excelled at football, is everybody's "buddy" (friendly, personable); considered good looking (6' 7", blonde, great teeth, wonderful personality) and is an Eagle Scout - polite and concientious and all that you might imagine a Scout to be.
Same kid.
Today, he has some recovery behind him, but he has made a choice to "go back out". He hasn't fallen as far as he did before... and is "considering" if "social using" is getting in the way of his ambitions. (It seems OBVIOUS to me... but he has to see it for himself).
When he FINALLY went to jail, I was so relieved. And imagine HIS chagrin to discover that HIS former Scout master was the District Court judge... who recused himself from the hearing, but still - they both were aware of each other's presence.
My son HAD to fall in order to get help the first time. My prayers are that the fall can be faster this time... but what I know is that "it takes what it takes".
My son has a Higher Power walking with him during this time... I know that I do not have to watch over him - he IS safe.
Alanon helped me to understand these things both intellectually and emotionally. At Alanon, I am surrounded by folks who ALREADY understand and to whom I owe no explanation if I am "happy" (relieved) when my kid goes to jail. Perhaps you might consider taking in a half-dozen meetings or so... they helped me very much.
I wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
I see now what a long way he has to go and its painful and scary for me to see that. I am working HARD on detaching with love, Giving it over to my HP, Working on me and my search of serenity and sanity!
He does have a long way to go, but remember that the path and timetable of his journey is still up to him and his HP. His choices will determine how far he can go in what length of time.
My prayers are for him to find his way soon.
hugs,
cmc
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
it is hard to accept the fact that they are safer in jail than they are on the street.i know it is true & they will not be making more charges for themselves. someone with out a program in there life can not understand us. i will say a pray for you & for him.you are doing good in your recovery. hugs,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: VA
Posts: 90
Cece, I went to a hearing for a friend of my AS to find out what happens to people who are charged with drug offenses. The young woman was on probation and violated the terms. She stopped checking in with her PO. I had read notes (I confess to codependent-controlling behavior.) this young woman had written from jail to my son. She was all blow about how she was making lots of new drug connections in jail and how it would be amusing is she were sent to a 28 day rehab instead of having to stay in jail. Her story in the courthouse was different . . . speaking to the judge and not a fellow addict. The judge said that sending her to jail would not help her or society. He offered her a chance to go to a full year-long mission rehab program for treatment and she accepted the opportunity.
While I sat in the courtroom, I couldn't help notice the lawyers in front of me shaking their heads, joking and saying that she would not make it. I pray she does.
Right before my son went to a rehab center (two relapses ago) he said that he had hoped the police would take him away and lock him up. He was soooo tired of his life as an addict. Before his most recent attempts to stop using, police pulled him over and arrested a man in the car. My son was not possessing at the time because he was broke. Jail may be in his future and I hope that I am not even tempted to post bail or try to rescue.
Hugs to all the mother's of sons who are yucky and worse. Hugs to our sons and daughters, too.
Peace to you.
While I sat in the courtroom, I couldn't help notice the lawyers in front of me shaking their heads, joking and saying that she would not make it. I pray she does.
Right before my son went to a rehab center (two relapses ago) he said that he had hoped the police would take him away and lock him up. He was soooo tired of his life as an addict. Before his most recent attempts to stop using, police pulled him over and arrested a man in the car. My son was not possessing at the time because he was broke. Jail may be in his future and I hope that I am not even tempted to post bail or try to rescue.
Hugs to all the mother's of sons who are yucky and worse. Hugs to our sons and daughters, too.
Peace to you.
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Hi Cece
Aren't we a strange lot? Here we are all hoping that jail time will do the trick.
I remember when my son was facing prison for the third or fourth time, I was a wreck again praying that he wouldn't go. He did, not for drugs though, but certainly they played a huge part in it.
Now, here it is one year and four months later, and I'm thinking I only have another year of bliss left before he's out again.
I have vowed this time to really butt out of his life completely. I will do as Mr. Dev says and that is, give advice only if he asks. Otherwise, say nothing! Captin Klink is my new adol! Remember him from Hogan's Heros? That's going to be may new motto! I know nothing!
Enjoy the rest.
Hugs, Devastated
I remember when my son was facing prison for the third or fourth time, I was a wreck again praying that he wouldn't go. He did, not for drugs though, but certainly they played a huge part in it.
Now, here it is one year and four months later, and I'm thinking I only have another year of bliss left before he's out again.
I have vowed this time to really butt out of his life completely. I will do as Mr. Dev says and that is, give advice only if he asks. Otherwise, say nothing! Captin Klink is my new adol! Remember him from Hogan's Heros? That's going to be may new motto! I know nothing!
Enjoy the rest.
Hugs, Devastated
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Cece
I know on my relapse I came home 'cause I was ready to quit dope. My dad told me that that was the day he was going to call the cops on me, knowing I would go to prison for violation of probation. He said that at least if I was locked up, he knew I'd be off the streets and safe.
I totally understand why he felt that way. I feel really bad about what I put him through, and now that I'm clean, I am trying to make it up to him.
Jail CAN be a bottom if the A is ready to quit.....others just take it in stride as part of the lifestyle.
Prayers to you and your son!
Amy
I know on my relapse I came home 'cause I was ready to quit dope. My dad told me that that was the day he was going to call the cops on me, knowing I would go to prison for violation of probation. He said that at least if I was locked up, he knew I'd be off the streets and safe.
I totally understand why he felt that way. I feel really bad about what I put him through, and now that I'm clean, I am trying to make it up to him.
Jail CAN be a bottom if the A is ready to quit.....others just take it in stride as part of the lifestyle.
Prayers to you and your son!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Cece,
I have called the police on my daughter 3 times. She went to jail 3 times. Maybe the third time is charm because after this last stint she is better than she has been in a long time. Not perfection but better. I can only hope it continues. I keep myself grounded so I don't set my expectations too high. When she was in jail I didn't bail her out. I always told her if she ever went to jail I would never visit her or bail her out and I stuck by that. It was hard enough picking her up when she did get out. That was a real low point for me. She called and cried and begged but I didn't budge. At least I knew she was detoxing and getting clean. When she was in LA county jail she didn't even have a bed because of overcrowding. She detoxed on the jail floor twice and believe me when I tell you they were not very kind. She said here where we live it wasn't as bad. That is where she decided to turn things around. I do understand you wanting jail for your son. It's okay to feel that way.
Take care............Lo
I have called the police on my daughter 3 times. She went to jail 3 times. Maybe the third time is charm because after this last stint she is better than she has been in a long time. Not perfection but better. I can only hope it continues. I keep myself grounded so I don't set my expectations too high. When she was in jail I didn't bail her out. I always told her if she ever went to jail I would never visit her or bail her out and I stuck by that. It was hard enough picking her up when she did get out. That was a real low point for me. She called and cried and begged but I didn't budge. At least I knew she was detoxing and getting clean. When she was in LA county jail she didn't even have a bed because of overcrowding. She detoxed on the jail floor twice and believe me when I tell you they were not very kind. She said here where we live it wasn't as bad. That is where she decided to turn things around. I do understand you wanting jail for your son. It's okay to feel that way.
Take care............Lo
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Boy do I understand what you mean by wanting him to go to jail. For my son, it was the ONLY thing that would get him away from drugs long enough to get clean.
He did go to jail for 3 months, and came out clean! Now he's not wanting that life any more. I just hope it lasts.
He did go to jail for 3 months, and came out clean! Now he's not wanting that life any more. I just hope it lasts.
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