Language of Letting Go - September 25
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - September 25
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Peace with the Past
Even God cannot change the past.
--Agathon
Holding on to the past, either through guilt, longing, denial, or resentment, is a waste of valuable energy - energy that can be used to transform today and tomorrow.
"I used to live in my past," said one recovering woman. "I was either trying to change it, or I was letting it control me. Usually both.
"I constantly felt guilty about things that had happened. Things I had done; things others had done to me - even though I had made amends for most everything, the guilt ran deep. Everything was somehow my fault. I could never just let it go.
"I held on to anger for years, telling myself it was justified. I was in denial about a lot of things. Sometimes, I'd try to absolutely forget about my past, but I never really stopped and sorted through it; my past was like a dark cloud that followed me around, and I couldn't shake clear of it. I guess I was scared to let it go, afraid of today, afraid of tomorrow.
I've been recovering now for years, and it has taken me almost as many years to gain the proper perspective on my past. I'm learning I can't forget it; I need to heal from it. I need to feel and let go of any feelings I still have, especially anger.
"I need to stop blaming myself for painful events that took place, and trust that everything has happened on schedule, and truly all is okay. I've learned to stop regretting, and to start being grateful.
"When I think about the past, I thank God for the healing and the memory. If something occurs that needs an amend, I make it and am done with it. I've learned to look at my past with compassion for myself, trusting that my Higher Power was in control, even then.
"I've healed from some of the worst things that happened to me. I've made peace with myself about these issues, and I've learned that healing from some of these issues has enabled me to help others to heal too. I'm able to see how the worst things helped form my character and developed some of my finer points.
"I've even developed gratitude for my failed relationships because they have brought me to who and where I am today.
"What I've learned has been acceptance - without guilt, anger, blame, or shame. I've even had to learn to accept the years I spent feeling guilty, angry, shameful, and blaming."
We cannot control the past. But we can transform it by allowing ourselves to heal from it and by accepting it with love for others and ourselves. I know, because that woman is me.
Today, I will begin being grateful for my past. I cannot change what happened, but I can transform the past by owning my power, now, to accept, heal, and learn from it.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Peace with the Past
Even God cannot change the past.
--Agathon
Holding on to the past, either through guilt, longing, denial, or resentment, is a waste of valuable energy - energy that can be used to transform today and tomorrow.
"I used to live in my past," said one recovering woman. "I was either trying to change it, or I was letting it control me. Usually both.
"I constantly felt guilty about things that had happened. Things I had done; things others had done to me - even though I had made amends for most everything, the guilt ran deep. Everything was somehow my fault. I could never just let it go.
"I held on to anger for years, telling myself it was justified. I was in denial about a lot of things. Sometimes, I'd try to absolutely forget about my past, but I never really stopped and sorted through it; my past was like a dark cloud that followed me around, and I couldn't shake clear of it. I guess I was scared to let it go, afraid of today, afraid of tomorrow.
I've been recovering now for years, and it has taken me almost as many years to gain the proper perspective on my past. I'm learning I can't forget it; I need to heal from it. I need to feel and let go of any feelings I still have, especially anger.
"I need to stop blaming myself for painful events that took place, and trust that everything has happened on schedule, and truly all is okay. I've learned to stop regretting, and to start being grateful.
"When I think about the past, I thank God for the healing and the memory. If something occurs that needs an amend, I make it and am done with it. I've learned to look at my past with compassion for myself, trusting that my Higher Power was in control, even then.
"I've healed from some of the worst things that happened to me. I've made peace with myself about these issues, and I've learned that healing from some of these issues has enabled me to help others to heal too. I'm able to see how the worst things helped form my character and developed some of my finer points.
"I've even developed gratitude for my failed relationships because they have brought me to who and where I am today.
"What I've learned has been acceptance - without guilt, anger, blame, or shame. I've even had to learn to accept the years I spent feeling guilty, angry, shameful, and blaming."
We cannot control the past. But we can transform it by allowing ourselves to heal from it and by accepting it with love for others and ourselves. I know, because that woman is me.
Today, I will begin being grateful for my past. I cannot change what happened, but I can transform the past by owning my power, now, to accept, heal, and learn from it.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I wouldn't wish my past on my worst enemy and yet today I am grateful for where my past has brought me. Today I wouldn't trade my life with anyone.
It took me time and all my recovery skills to work through the pain of my past. I no longer revisit my past if doing so brings me sadness. I have some wonderful memories of before addiction and those have been tucked in a special place in my heart, right next to hope and faith. Addiction cannot rob me of those, but all the "todays" in the world cannot take me back to that time either.
Someone here once said: "Don't look back, you're not going there." How true that is, so today I will accept my past as a strangely wrapped blessing that brought me to the good place I am in today.
Hugs
It took me time and all my recovery skills to work through the pain of my past. I no longer revisit my past if doing so brings me sadness. I have some wonderful memories of before addiction and those have been tucked in a special place in my heart, right next to hope and faith. Addiction cannot rob me of those, but all the "todays" in the world cannot take me back to that time either.
Someone here once said: "Don't look back, you're not going there." How true that is, so today I will accept my past as a strangely wrapped blessing that brought me to the good place I am in today.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
acceptance is a wonderful feeling. it has brought me lots of peace. i have accepted the fact that i made alot of mistakes in my life. i wish i could change alot of things but i know i can't so i live in today & make goals & plans for the future. that is all anything anyone can do. today is spotless & i wake up every morning with a postive attitude that today will be a good day & i will be happy.i am blessed & i am grataful.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 1
[QUOTE=Ann;1498087]
Holding on to the past, either through guilt, longing, denial, or resentment, is a waste of valuable energy - energy that can be used to transform today and tomorrow.
"I used to live in my past," said one recovering woman. "I was either trying to change it, or I was letting it control me. Usually both.
"I held on to anger for years, telling myself it was justified. I was in denial about a lot of things.
[QUOTE]
I remember this all to well ... one of the many times my AH was in treatment, the counselor had me write a letter to my AH X because I was holding on to their relationship and it was tearing ours apart. After I wrote & read the letter in our session I wasn't to bring up the X's name or anything to do with her. Boy! that felt like a slap in the face but the truth is I was letting the fear of what they had tear apart what we had. I was so insecure I didn't even know it ... scary!!!
Then years later when my AH had an affair OMG!!! I didn't think that pain would ever go away but it did get easier and today I LOVE MY AH!!! The only way I could "let go & let GOD" was by attending my f2f "anon" meetings and focusing on me, me, me!!! I attended anywhere from 4-9 meetings a week and believe it help as it continues to help our relationship. MY AH has been clean now 2 years and I had nothing to do with it because I was too busy taking care of me.
Holding on only hurts us more ... letting go is such a FREEDOM!!!
Loving Recovery,
Tammy
Holding on to the past, either through guilt, longing, denial, or resentment, is a waste of valuable energy - energy that can be used to transform today and tomorrow.
"I used to live in my past," said one recovering woman. "I was either trying to change it, or I was letting it control me. Usually both.
"I held on to anger for years, telling myself it was justified. I was in denial about a lot of things.
[QUOTE]
I remember this all to well ... one of the many times my AH was in treatment, the counselor had me write a letter to my AH X because I was holding on to their relationship and it was tearing ours apart. After I wrote & read the letter in our session I wasn't to bring up the X's name or anything to do with her. Boy! that felt like a slap in the face but the truth is I was letting the fear of what they had tear apart what we had. I was so insecure I didn't even know it ... scary!!!
Then years later when my AH had an affair OMG!!! I didn't think that pain would ever go away but it did get easier and today I LOVE MY AH!!! The only way I could "let go & let GOD" was by attending my f2f "anon" meetings and focusing on me, me, me!!! I attended anywhere from 4-9 meetings a week and believe it help as it continues to help our relationship. MY AH has been clean now 2 years and I had nothing to do with it because I was too busy taking care of me.
Holding on only hurts us more ... letting go is such a FREEDOM!!!
Loving Recovery,
Tammy
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome, Tammy, I'm glad you joined us.
I hope you'll start a new thread and let the others know you're here.
Just know that we're here and we care and we're walking with you on this journey.
Hugs
I hope you'll start a new thread and let the others know you're here.
Just know that we're here and we care and we're walking with you on this journey.
Hugs
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