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My Dreams Are testing me

Old 09-23-2007, 07:26 AM
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My Dreams Are testing me

Yes ..Yet another dream thread from me.
Fist of all I was dreaming I owned a farm and a dragon was flying around breathing fire on everything. Very weird. Anyway..I was somewhere and this girl comes out of nowhere and she looks like she is carrying a hit of crack between her fingers. And someone tells her go ahead. Well my whole family is right there and I grabbed thios girl by her throat and told her she better not disrespect my family like that again.
I was like if I can quit smoking that **** so can you.
Then later in my dreama guy is robbing my cash register and I catch him and I was like you dumb ass...Whatd you get 100...200 bucks..If I was still smoking youda had about 800. Hes like I can get weight. I was like so get the F outta here. and then I woke up.
Well those are some using dreams I have never dreamt befor. I usually use in them not turn them down. Pretty cool tho.
But still I feel like my addiction is testing me in my vulnerable unconscience state.
In the Crackbusters workbook...It states that addiction is going to attack at your weakest moments and especially through your subconscience.
Well I won this one. So far I am feeling great and fighting off the thought before they get a chance to manifest into a reaction. I am not even feeding into them or romantisizing the thoughts anymore.
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Old 09-23-2007, 08:21 AM
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Yeah addiction definitely comes at us when we are at our weakest, and through our dreams/subconscious. It's important to be aware of this. Sounds like the workbook has been really helpful for you Trish. How has IOP been going?
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Old 09-23-2007, 08:55 AM
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stay strong my friend..
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Old 09-23-2007, 09:55 AM
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Trish,

That was a really good dream. It says a lot about your willingness to fight for your sobriety.

Keep working it girl!

Karen
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Old 09-23-2007, 09:57 AM
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I'm not an addict, but I know drinking dreams are common in early sobriety. I'd guess it's the same for addicts.

Hang in there. They lessen over time.

Last edited by GlassPrisoner; 09-23-2007 at 10:27 AM.
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Old 09-23-2007, 10:18 AM
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IOP is good. But it makes for a very loooong day when I work all night.
I may have to stop going because I am working now and do not have insurance. And I am not sure what type of insurance they have at my job. I am sure it isnt anything spectacular. Seeing how I work for a privately owned business and not a corporation type place. They dont even have vacation time.
Also Fri night this very drunk man comes in asking to buy a crack pipe. OK this is the second time in a week a crack situation has happened there. This place is more in the woods than I already live. I am like where in the heck are these people coming from. There is no ghetto areas for quite a lot of miles 2 or more towns away.
Unbelievable.
And just like last time I felt pity..like sad for them. I dont know why.
I dont have even a month of clean time yet. But it breaks my heart just to see other people caught up in that evil ass drug.
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Old 09-23-2007, 10:19 AM
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Oh Trish, I hope you don't stop going to IOP.
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Old 09-23-2007, 10:28 AM
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Originally Posted by Rowan View Post
Oh Trish, I hope you don't stop going to IOP.
Ditto.

Recovery first and foremost. Everything else will fall in line eventually.
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Old 09-23-2007, 10:34 AM
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Yea..I dont either. Being around others and finally opening up and getting involved in the groups instead of just sitting there and saying nothing...HEHE imagine that....like I was doing In my earlier attempts is making it alot better and more effective.

Who knows...I may be ready to take the plunge and go to a meeting someday here soon.
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Old 09-23-2007, 01:04 PM
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I'm tomorrow is two weeks free from alcohol and benzos and I too had a nightmare this morning. It seems I'm still detoxing from benzos though I'm feeling better some days at some times.

Anyway, I dreamed a serial killer attacked my son's birthday party at his school (his 11th bday was 9/21) and killed half the kids. Then the serial killer attacked an AA meeting at the school later that night or the next day. My son and I were witnesses to the attacks and the serial killer was hunting my family - me, my husband and both sons. We ran and tried to hide. I woke up before anything further happened.

It was very scary and the first nightmare that I remember since I quit. I think the serial killer symbolizes my addiction. I never want to go back. So far, I have not attended any meetings other than online meetings and lurking on SR. I'm afraid I don't have time for daily f2f meetings because I'm self-employed and I travel for work. A church down the street has Celebrate Recovery meetings on Monday nights and I plan to attend tomorrow night and see how it is. Another church nearby has meetings on Friday nights. My church is a large church and they don't have any addiction services, meetings, or support groups at this time.

Mainly I feel lonely through this time and it's a little depressing. I don't have many friends other than family and clients. I have long-term friends but they live in the next towns over and are busy with their families, etc. As I frequently am.

I haven't had cravings for alcohol so far, probably because I've been so weak. Hard to do much of anything but I do the necessities. The amount of work/chores I can handle varies on any given day. I think the withdrawal symptoms are mainly from the benzos from what I have read.

I'm thinking of seeing a counselor too to help with anxiety looking for someone who does cognitive behavioral therapy. Deep breathing and ABCs (from SMART Recovery) seems to help with anxious moments and I have eliminated many of the stressors I used to have.

I also plan to start exercising at the Y again. I will start slowly in one week. I've been taking walks and am ready to move on to the next level.

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. The hangovers are over. Now if I can just get through the withdrawal and get back to my normal energy levels.

SR has been a godsend to me. I found it early after my last drink and benzo and have been lurking for a week and a half. I finally decided to post a couple of days ago.

Thank you, SR people.
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Old 09-23-2007, 03:02 PM
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hey Janie,

It took me months to feel normal after detoxing from benzos - I had some horrible nightmares during that time.
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