Just a little vent:)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Just a little vent:)
Thought I would vent this here because I know you guys understand
Talked to my daughter today. It was a nice conversation due mainly to my having given up trying to control her or tell her what to do. She was pretty candid (well about as candid as an addict can be. Is that an oxymoron?) about her addiction and where she is right now. After talking to her I thought about the state of her health. You see as she was growing up she had the best of health care. She was born with lazy eye and we put up with countless hassles of patching her eye which she fought, glasses at a year old, which you can imagine is not an easy thing for a one year old to get used to. Countless trips to the opthamologist and lots of money spent on glasses as she outgrew them. Surgery at four to finally correct the lazy eye. Then came contacts during the teenage years. That cost more money as she wanted the color kind and we were all too willing to make her happy. Well fast forward to her current situation. She has no contacts to wear and no glasses as she lost those in one of her moves. She tells me she needs them as her vision is getting worse. Sorry, I say, you need to visit the eye doctor first.
On to the next health problem. She had severe asthma as a child. Used a nebulizer, etc. Later used Singulair which was a Godsend. Due to addiction she no longer has that prescription. Has to borrow friend's (?) inhalers and has had to make two trips to the emergency room since last winter due to the severity of her attacks. Sorry, I say, you don't have a prescription or money for the Singulair.
Then her teeth are bothering her. When she was little we spent our hard earned money to seal her baby teeth and her adult teeth so that she would grow up with no cavities. We were pretty successful. She has not been so since her addiction. Teeth brushing and dentist visits just are not part of her agenda. Sorry, I say, you are no longer covered under our dental plan.
I guess my point is that we as parents do our very best to make sure our children grow up to be happy, healthy adults and we put a lot of time, money and energy into doing it. Then comes addiction. And it all goes to hell pretty quickly.
Just venting.
Hugs to all, Marle
Talked to my daughter today. It was a nice conversation due mainly to my having given up trying to control her or tell her what to do. She was pretty candid (well about as candid as an addict can be. Is that an oxymoron?) about her addiction and where she is right now. After talking to her I thought about the state of her health. You see as she was growing up she had the best of health care. She was born with lazy eye and we put up with countless hassles of patching her eye which she fought, glasses at a year old, which you can imagine is not an easy thing for a one year old to get used to. Countless trips to the opthamologist and lots of money spent on glasses as she outgrew them. Surgery at four to finally correct the lazy eye. Then came contacts during the teenage years. That cost more money as she wanted the color kind and we were all too willing to make her happy. Well fast forward to her current situation. She has no contacts to wear and no glasses as she lost those in one of her moves. She tells me she needs them as her vision is getting worse. Sorry, I say, you need to visit the eye doctor first. On to the next health problem. She had severe asthma as a child. Used a nebulizer, etc. Later used Singulair which was a Godsend. Due to addiction she no longer has that prescription. Has to borrow friend's (?) inhalers and has had to make two trips to the emergency room since last winter due to the severity of her attacks. Sorry, I say, you don't have a prescription or money for the Singulair.
Then her teeth are bothering her. When she was little we spent our hard earned money to seal her baby teeth and her adult teeth so that she would grow up with no cavities. We were pretty successful. She has not been so since her addiction. Teeth brushing and dentist visits just are not part of her agenda. Sorry, I say, you are no longer covered under our dental plan.
I guess my point is that we as parents do our very best to make sure our children grow up to be happy, healthy adults and we put a lot of time, money and energy into doing it. Then comes addiction. And it all goes to hell pretty quickly.
Just venting.
Hugs to all, Marle
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
Vent away Marle!
I feel the same way about my daughter. Braces, allergy shots, therapists (lol), dermatologist . . . it just goes on and on. Before she got married, I told her I couldn't cover her on my insurance after she got married. She accused me of lying about that. lol. Now, she has no insurance for any of these meds or dr. visits. I told her that was her choice when she decided to marry. It does hurt inside that she has chosen this, but there is nothing I can do about it. I sure as heck am not going to give her $ for any of these things. Her husband can get out a make some $$ to provide for her. Yes, she has chosen this. Not exactly what I would have chosen, but this is her life, right?
Hugs to you Marle
Terri
I feel the same way about my daughter. Braces, allergy shots, therapists (lol), dermatologist . . . it just goes on and on. Before she got married, I told her I couldn't cover her on my insurance after she got married. She accused me of lying about that. lol. Now, she has no insurance for any of these meds or dr. visits. I told her that was her choice when she decided to marry. It does hurt inside that she has chosen this, but there is nothing I can do about it. I sure as heck am not going to give her $ for any of these things. Her husband can get out a make some $$ to provide for her. Yes, she has chosen this. Not exactly what I would have chosen, but this is her life, right?
Hugs to you Marle
Terri
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 158
Marle, I'm glad your conversation with your daughter went well. While I can't personally relate (I'm not a mom), this really exemplifies how encompassing addiction is and how it strikes at the very foundation of one's life. Vent away, I hear you. Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Cloud 9
Posts: 778
(((Marle))) You did all the things a good, responsable mom does. You took care of her so in her adult life she would be as healthy as possable. It is HER choice not to stay healthy. IMHO, it is even sadder when the parents don't do these things for their kids. I work in a dental office & can't believe the dental neglect that comes through. A week ago I had a 17 yr old girl who said she chipped a tooth. She opened her mouth & all her teeth were rotted big time. This didn't just happen over night. The girl was getting her senior pictures done in 2 weeks. As soon as I got a cancelation in the Dr's schedule I called her mom to have the girl come in. Mom said we could only do the 2 fromt teeth cuz she couldn't afford the work. Now mind you there was Mt Dew galore at the house for the child to drink. That is about the single most damaging beverage you can drink for your teeth. They could afford that, but not health related stuff. They all looked sooo bad. The girl just won me over with her personality. She was amazing. So when we did the 2 teeth, I was just about to tell the Doc to keep going & I would make payments toward it; so her pictures would look nice, he said I'm not worried about the money on this one. We have to help her. So he got all the front ones taken care of & only charged for the 2 This little girl is looking at dentures in the very near future by no choice of her own. Alot of times the families might not know better but damn, these poor kids start a min wage job & have $5,000 of dental work staring at them because their parents neglected them.
Marle you did good, really. Sending hugs & prayers for you and your daughter.
Marle you did good, really. Sending hugs & prayers for you and your daughter.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: on top of the hill
Posts: 197
Hi marle,
Sending out prayers for you and your family. I am also glad that you at least had a conversation with your daughter. You're a great mom, I truly hope someday your daughter finds a better path.
Sending out prayers for you and your family. I am also glad that you at least had a conversation with your daughter. You're a great mom, I truly hope someday your daughter finds a better path.
StrivingToThrive
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
Wow!
that is just what I was thinking today. With the money I spent on Private Schools, ortho , all the club sports, and camps, I could be driving a really nice car today! Or at least on an awesome vacation to make me forget for a while. (this is said in very sad humor)
that is just what I was thinking today. With the money I spent on Private Schools, ortho , all the club sports, and camps, I could be driving a really nice car today! Or at least on an awesome vacation to make me forget for a while. (this is said in very sad humor)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 388
Marle,
I have had this same vent before.... (in my head of course, before finding SR)
Raising 3 kids, I did the same thing. I think that after their father died "I" thought that I could protect them by making sure that every medical problem they had was addressed. That included as you all know, glasses, contacts, allergy shots, inhalers, Aquitaine for the dang pimples, braces, replacing retainers (Do you know how many times the dog ate their retainers, or we had to sift though garbage at a restaurant looking for a tossed retainer?) LOL
But now I know that "I" can not protect them....
My AS can barely see anything in front of him, his prescription for contacts has expired and he was worn glasses/contacts since he was 8. He refuses to use his money to pay for a doctor's appointment. So he walks around half blind, he can't see very well.....but he sees well enough to find his bag of weed, and his bong. LOL
Colleen
I have had this same vent before.... (in my head of course, before finding SR)
Raising 3 kids, I did the same thing. I think that after their father died "I" thought that I could protect them by making sure that every medical problem they had was addressed. That included as you all know, glasses, contacts, allergy shots, inhalers, Aquitaine for the dang pimples, braces, replacing retainers (Do you know how many times the dog ate their retainers, or we had to sift though garbage at a restaurant looking for a tossed retainer?) LOL
But now I know that "I" can not protect them....
My AS can barely see anything in front of him, his prescription for contacts has expired and he was worn glasses/contacts since he was 8. He refuses to use his money to pay for a doctor's appointment. So he walks around half blind, he can't see very well.....but he sees well enough to find his bag of weed, and his bong. LOL
Colleen
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
Hi Marle,
I feel exactly the same way. Add to mine counseling, private schools, depression meds. Not to mention tutoring, and all the rehab's that insurance only paid 60%.
We did what we were supposed to do, we took care of our girls. They have done the rest.
Prayers for you and Megan,
susan
I feel exactly the same way. Add to mine counseling, private schools, depression meds. Not to mention tutoring, and all the rehab's that insurance only paid 60%.
We did what we were supposed to do, we took care of our girls. They have done the rest.
Prayers for you and Megan,
susan
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
Yes, addiction is such a monster 
. Sadly, it takes over every aspect of an addict's life. Self care is not an addict's priority and we Moms can't do it for them. Today all I can do is pray. I understand what all here are saying. Vent away Marle.
Perhaps one day through medical scientific research a cure will be found. In the meantime, the suffering of the addict continues.
Saying a prayer for all addicts and families.
. Sadly, it takes over every aspect of an addict's life. Self care is not an addict's priority and we Moms can't do it for them. Today all I can do is pray. I understand what all here are saying. Vent away Marle.Perhaps one day through medical scientific research a cure will be found. In the meantime, the suffering of the addict continues.
Saying a prayer for all addicts and families.
Last edited by frankie_b; 09-23-2007 at 07:15 AM.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Marle,
A little late on this one. Was away for the week-end. I hear you loud and clear.
Been there too. Jen is still doing well. Been spending a lot of time at the dentist. I don't know which drug ruined her teeth, but I am so mad about all of it. She had the best dental care when she was a kid. Of course she can't afford to get her teeth taken care of, so once again I am helping her. She has been sober for a good while now and that is the only reason I am helping her with her teeth. Since she is sober she is really into her appearance. I like seeing that she cares so much. I remember when she didn't care and it broke my heart to look at her.
We all have to vent sometime.
Hugs............Lo
A little late on this one. Was away for the week-end. I hear you loud and clear.
Been there too. Jen is still doing well. Been spending a lot of time at the dentist. I don't know which drug ruined her teeth, but I am so mad about all of it. She had the best dental care when she was a kid. Of course she can't afford to get her teeth taken care of, so once again I am helping her. She has been sober for a good while now and that is the only reason I am helping her with her teeth. Since she is sober she is really into her appearance. I like seeing that she cares so much. I remember when she didn't care and it broke my heart to look at her.
We all have to vent sometime.
Hugs............Lo
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Sometimes they say addicts get into recovery because they get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Maybe this will be your AD's case.
We were good parents...we took care of our kids. Addiction robs them of being able to take care of their healthcare. It is hard to watch. My son had orthodontia for 6 yrs. Then refused to fix his 8 teeth with cavities even tho I carry insur. for him.Go figure. He is better these days and just finished his dental work. I don't enable him But I do pay for his health insurance. It is what I am willing to do. I do it for me because it is what I want to do. I hear your frustration
We were good parents...we took care of our kids. Addiction robs them of being able to take care of their healthcare. It is hard to watch. My son had orthodontia for 6 yrs. Then refused to fix his 8 teeth with cavities even tho I carry insur. for him.Go figure. He is better these days and just finished his dental work. I don't enable him But I do pay for his health insurance. It is what I am willing to do. I do it for me because it is what I want to do. I hear your frustration
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
it is hard to see our children ruin there lifes & there health but you are so right we have done everything we could for them. now it is time for them to be responsible for them selves. yeap, all that money down the drain being the good mom & wanting the best.
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
Mine has the gift of Hepatitis C and last time I saw him, two years ago, he was in the manic phase of drug induced bipolar. It was not a sight I care to ever see again.
His Dad, my ex ( thank heavens!) still enables him due to his unearned feelings of guilt and still blames me for ASs problems. After many years of ASs addiction,
I don't take it personally because I know the 3 Cs and just how powerless over AS and addiction I am.
I've seen AS progress in his disease. It is progressive just as without recovery help codies progress and get sicker and sicker. Thanks to Alanon, HP and recovery I do not have to progress in my codepency.
I pray for AS every day. He is in HP's hands.
There's always hope for our addicts. I read here often how addict loved one's have embraced the miracle of recovery. Some do and some don't. Do I wish mine would?
Of course I do! However, I'm not living with that hope or wish as an expectation.
Keep keeping on all. That is the best any codie can do one day at a time.I am truly forever grateful for my miracle in recovery and for walking with you (( Marle )) as well as all here. Our lights shine so brilliantly on our path.
His Dad, my ex ( thank heavens!) still enables him due to his unearned feelings of guilt and still blames me for ASs problems. After many years of ASs addiction,
I don't take it personally because I know the 3 Cs and just how powerless over AS and addiction I am.
I've seen AS progress in his disease. It is progressive just as without recovery help codies progress and get sicker and sicker. Thanks to Alanon, HP and recovery I do not have to progress in my codepency.
I pray for AS every day. He is in HP's hands.
There's always hope for our addicts. I read here often how addict loved one's have embraced the miracle of recovery. Some do and some don't. Do I wish mine would?
Of course I do! However, I'm not living with that hope or wish as an expectation.
Keep keeping on all. That is the best any codie can do one day at a time.I am truly forever grateful for my miracle in recovery and for walking with you (( Marle )) as well as all here. Our lights shine so brilliantly on our path.
Last edited by frankie_b; 09-24-2007 at 06:32 AM.
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