What am I suppsed to do?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 24
What am I suppsed to do?
(I posted this in the wrong place before)
How do I know what to do?
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I haven't posted in a while....things haven't been great. Thanks to our business failing we lost our beautitul home 2 months ago and are in debt with the tax commission for $30,000. AH has been clean of opiates for 2 years now tahnks to suboxone, and has tapered that down to almost nothing. THe problem is that he has a legitimate medical problem that causes him pain all the time. He has a dr appt in a few days to talk about possible surgery, and then a referral to a pain specialist who has various pain alternatives to drugs, but how can he do surgery????? He is back taking soma (not from a script) and I HATE IT! He slurs his words, talks like his tongue is heavy, and almost like a drunk. He used to deny he was taking anything, but one day we talked about it when he hadn't taken any and he admitted it to me. He knows that I KNOW when he takes it. He said that he's not addicted to it, that he can stop anytime, yada yada yada...sounds too familiar!
I just can't belive we're back to square one and there's no pill he can take for this like suboxone. He does SO much for me and our kids, but I told him over the weekend that all of the wonderful things he does doesn't mean crap when he comes home slurring his words. For the first time ever I had the courage to say exactly what was in my heart out loud to him. I told him that because of his problem, I have gotten to the point over the past 2-3 years that I find joy in nothing, look forward to nothing, and have no desire to really go anywhere or do anything....whatever I do or however excited and happy I may seem is a act that I have to play for the sake of our kids and outside appearances, and this problem of his is to blame. There was no yelling, just me crying and being honest. I told him that one day this was going to cost him his family.
The night before, our 8 yr old daughter asked him about addiction out of the blue, so he thought it would be a great time to open up to her about how he "once" had a problem like that but now he's OK. He said that who better to teach her about the possibility of a problem like addiction than him. This way, he feels, both our kids may feel more inclined to come to us with questions if a situation should arise in their own lives. The very next day is when he used and when he and I were having this conversation. I reminded him of how he had just gotten through telling his daughter he was OK and how it was bad, but yet now he has obviously used. I asked, "How does that make you feel??"
Now I have just found out that I have medical problems for the first time in my life, diabetes and also sleep apena. What about me? I feel like there's no room for my illness. He is very concerned about me and instists that I do what I'm supposed to, but I am just plain exhausted from life!
I find myself sorting through possibilities of divorce, putting him in rehab, you know, the usual stuff we go over and over in our minds. But the kids truly ADORE him and I feel it may do more harm than good to split up. He doesn't hurt or abuse us in any way, and except for taking some he's a super dad and husband. (with the exception that our kids are frequently tardy to school because he can't get up & around very well b/c he's sleepy from soma.) And there's no problems w/ his job..he's a "functioning addict" I suppose.
I also told him about how I want SO BADLY to be able to talk to a friend about ME and what's going on, but I can't . HE is my best friend, and you're supposed to be able to tell your bf anything, but I can't because my bf IS the problem : ( I said how much that ears me up inside and amkes me feel so alone. I want to save his reputation and I don't want people to think I'm stupid for sticking around. You know how people would just think differently about us.
I am just so tired....
How do I know what to do?
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I haven't posted in a while....things haven't been great. Thanks to our business failing we lost our beautitul home 2 months ago and are in debt with the tax commission for $30,000. AH has been clean of opiates for 2 years now tahnks to suboxone, and has tapered that down to almost nothing. THe problem is that he has a legitimate medical problem that causes him pain all the time. He has a dr appt in a few days to talk about possible surgery, and then a referral to a pain specialist who has various pain alternatives to drugs, but how can he do surgery????? He is back taking soma (not from a script) and I HATE IT! He slurs his words, talks like his tongue is heavy, and almost like a drunk. He used to deny he was taking anything, but one day we talked about it when he hadn't taken any and he admitted it to me. He knows that I KNOW when he takes it. He said that he's not addicted to it, that he can stop anytime, yada yada yada...sounds too familiar!
I just can't belive we're back to square one and there's no pill he can take for this like suboxone. He does SO much for me and our kids, but I told him over the weekend that all of the wonderful things he does doesn't mean crap when he comes home slurring his words. For the first time ever I had the courage to say exactly what was in my heart out loud to him. I told him that because of his problem, I have gotten to the point over the past 2-3 years that I find joy in nothing, look forward to nothing, and have no desire to really go anywhere or do anything....whatever I do or however excited and happy I may seem is a act that I have to play for the sake of our kids and outside appearances, and this problem of his is to blame. There was no yelling, just me crying and being honest. I told him that one day this was going to cost him his family.
The night before, our 8 yr old daughter asked him about addiction out of the blue, so he thought it would be a great time to open up to her about how he "once" had a problem like that but now he's OK. He said that who better to teach her about the possibility of a problem like addiction than him. This way, he feels, both our kids may feel more inclined to come to us with questions if a situation should arise in their own lives. The very next day is when he used and when he and I were having this conversation. I reminded him of how he had just gotten through telling his daughter he was OK and how it was bad, but yet now he has obviously used. I asked, "How does that make you feel??"
Now I have just found out that I have medical problems for the first time in my life, diabetes and also sleep apena. What about me? I feel like there's no room for my illness. He is very concerned about me and instists that I do what I'm supposed to, but I am just plain exhausted from life!
I find myself sorting through possibilities of divorce, putting him in rehab, you know, the usual stuff we go over and over in our minds. But the kids truly ADORE him and I feel it may do more harm than good to split up. He doesn't hurt or abuse us in any way, and except for taking some he's a super dad and husband. (with the exception that our kids are frequently tardy to school because he can't get up & around very well b/c he's sleepy from soma.) And there's no problems w/ his job..he's a "functioning addict" I suppose.
I also told him about how I want SO BADLY to be able to talk to a friend about ME and what's going on, but I can't . HE is my best friend, and you're supposed to be able to tell your bf anything, but I can't because my bf IS the problem : ( I said how much that ears me up inside and amkes me feel so alone. I want to save his reputation and I don't want people to think I'm stupid for sticking around. You know how people would just think differently about us.
I am just so tired....
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
Taking care of you is vital to your health and well being. As a codie, I attributed most of the misery I felt directly to my AS, believing he was the cause. By attending
Alanon meetings and working my own recovery program I came to see I had alot to do with making my own life miserable. In recovery, I can change the things I can.
I can take care of me first and let go of blame, unhealthy dependencies on others,
and detach with love. I am responsible for myself and my actions.
You may want to consider attending recovery meetings. Try going to six before
you decide they are not for you. Keep posting. Take a read around and do read the stickies at the top of this forum. We are always here for you. Codependency is a progressive condition and without help it
is too much for any codie.
Hugs
Alanon meetings and working my own recovery program I came to see I had alot to do with making my own life miserable. In recovery, I can change the things I can.
I can take care of me first and let go of blame, unhealthy dependencies on others,
and detach with love. I am responsible for myself and my actions.
You may want to consider attending recovery meetings. Try going to six before
you decide they are not for you. Keep posting. Take a read around and do read the stickies at the top of this forum. We are always here for you. Codependency is a progressive condition and without help it
is too much for any codie.
Hugs
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
I'm sorry you feel so down and out, taking care of yourself is just as important for your kids as wondering whether or not to stay in a marriage. If your not happy they're not happy.
Frankie's right, go to a few meetings it'll do you a world of good.
good luck
Frankie's right, go to a few meetings it'll do you a world of good.
good luck
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