brokenwing

I keep reading over and over again that "until an addict loves himself he can never love anyone else". I have a hard time with this one. I dont think that my AH doesn't love himself, if anything he thinks he is better than everyone else. Growing up he had everything a kid could want. He was spoiled beyond belief and was never taught about consequences to his actions. His mom always stuck up for him and made excuses for his poor judgement. She still does today. I really think that he thinks he should be able to do what he wants, when he wants. I really believe that he has a personality defect that makes it impossible to feel others pain only his own. He puts himself, his needs his feelings first. I noticed this even during the last 11 months while he was not using. Everything had to be about him.. If I was tired then he was more tired. OR if I had a hard day, his day was just as hard.
I dont get that saying at all. Is it not possible that some simply are pleasure seekers.
I guess I still have alot to learn
Brokenwing

CatsPajamas

This was written by Jon, the wonderful man who founded SR. It might help you understand a bit more. It's part of the "sticky" entitled What Addicts Do

My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior.

You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them.

You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction.

I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered a sociopath. I have no empathy for you or anyone else.

It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

My behavior cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.

And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.

Stop being surprised.

I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.

Lovestoomuch

Sweetie........this is the way I saw it with my exabf. If he loved himself, why would he put crack cocaine in his body knowing he could lose everything he valued and loved in his life. Most importantly, if he loved himself so.........why would he do something that could be the death of him? He knew every time he took a hit of that crack pipe it could be his last. That's not loving yourself..............

ghost99

By definition an addict is self centered, selfish etc. Really I have lived with addicts every day of my life, unfortunatly, and they can be the most selfish people in the world. (that doesn't get us non-addicts off the hook, I have met alot of non-addicts that have the same issue).

I think that self respect (i.e loving one self) is really about getting "over" yourself and your issues and learning to control your every desire.

Done_With_It

.
(nevermind)