Having to let go once again........
Or However You Spell It....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
Having to let go once again........ As I sit here watching my cat "Big Boy" go through the final stages of kidney failure, I know in my heart I'm going to have to let him go soon........I'll have to say good bye.
The pain in the pit of my stomach is much like the one I had when I knew it was time to let my exabf go. I didn't want to......I wasn't ready, but I knew I had to.
Trying to be strong and hold back the tears there's a lump in my throat the size of a base ball. I can't swallow......it's too hard.
I'm afraid if I cry I won't be able to stop this time. He's fought this so hard.........even trying to make it to the litter box he fell to the floor and looked up at me helplessly as if to say "I'm sorry mom".
I'm trying......trying so hard not to once again feel like somehow I've failed.......missed something along the way....something more I could have done for him to make him better. Today the vet told me there was nothing I could have done to prevent this from happening or nothing I can do now to change the fate of my beloved pet.
I've said so many prayers. I've even gotten the burial site prepared but I'm no more ready to let him go......not in my heart anyways.
Letting go has always been the most difficult for me. I tend to cling on to the slightest bit of hope even when I know in my heart there isn't much left.
I have a hard time accepting some of life's circumstances. I drum up some miracle in my head then get all disappointed when it doesn't go the way I had planned it to.
I've been through so much over this past year. I don't think I can take anymore without breaking down. It's so hard to stay strong sometimes. I'm tired and once again I feel defeated.
The pain in the pit of my stomach is much like the one I had when I knew it was time to let my exabf go. I didn't want to......I wasn't ready, but I knew I had to.
Trying to be strong and hold back the tears there's a lump in my throat the size of a base ball. I can't swallow......it's too hard.
I'm afraid if I cry I won't be able to stop this time. He's fought this so hard.........even trying to make it to the litter box he fell to the floor and looked up at me helplessly as if to say "I'm sorry mom".
I'm trying......trying so hard not to once again feel like somehow I've failed.......missed something along the way....something more I could have done for him to make him better. Today the vet told me there was nothing I could have done to prevent this from happening or nothing I can do now to change the fate of my beloved pet.
I've said so many prayers. I've even gotten the burial site prepared but I'm no more ready to let him go......not in my heart anyways.
Letting go has always been the most difficult for me. I tend to cling on to the slightest bit of hope even when I know in my heart there isn't much left.
I have a hard time accepting some of life's circumstances. I drum up some miracle in my head then get all disappointed when it doesn't go the way I had planned it to.
I've been through so much over this past year. I don't think I can take anymore without breaking down. It's so hard to stay strong sometimes. I'm tired and once again I feel defeated.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Kris,
I'm so sorry about your kittykat. We lost ours to thyroid cancer last year, and I thought I would never stop crying. I had so much trouble deciding whether to have him humanely relieved of his suffering...I kept hoping and praying for a miracle, and all the while he suffered more and more, from physical pain to just physical indignity. When we finally bundled him up to take him on his last trip to the doctor, he died in my arms in the car.
I have a friend who's an animal communicator - not that I'm totally 100% on believing in such things - but she was the one who told me: he will let you know when he needs your help to leave this body.
Watch your Big Boy for those signs, that look in his eyes, that pleading. Let him go Home to whatever is next for him, cry yourself to bits, and be grateful for all you shared. Gratitude has always helped me to let go. Love is like a flowing river...in order for more love to keep coming into your life, you have to let it flow out the other side, on to wherever it feels it needs to be.
Hugs to you, from me and my kittykat, who has never left me even though his body has.
GL
I'm so sorry about your kittykat. We lost ours to thyroid cancer last year, and I thought I would never stop crying. I had so much trouble deciding whether to have him humanely relieved of his suffering...I kept hoping and praying for a miracle, and all the while he suffered more and more, from physical pain to just physical indignity. When we finally bundled him up to take him on his last trip to the doctor, he died in my arms in the car.
I have a friend who's an animal communicator - not that I'm totally 100% on believing in such things - but she was the one who told me: he will let you know when he needs your help to leave this body.
Watch your Big Boy for those signs, that look in his eyes, that pleading. Let him go Home to whatever is next for him, cry yourself to bits, and be grateful for all you shared. Gratitude has always helped me to let go. Love is like a flowing river...in order for more love to keep coming into your life, you have to let it flow out the other side, on to wherever it feels it needs to be.
Hugs to you, from me and my kittykat, who has never left me even though his body has.
GL
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
((((Kris))) My Toby has not been well since the poison cat food problem, and I know that the day will come when I may have to stop his suffering too.
My heart goes out to you because I know how painful it is to say goodbye to our precious cats.
You may want to have someone with you when the day comes. I think I would need the support of a friend who understood.
I wish I could make it better, for you and for me, but all I can do is send you a hundred hugs and tell you I understand.
My heart goes out to you because I know how painful it is to say goodbye to our precious cats.
You may want to have someone with you when the day comes. I think I would need the support of a friend who understood.
I wish I could make it better, for you and for me, but all I can do is send you a hundred hugs and tell you I understand.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
(((((Kris)))))) I'm so sorry. I too wish I could make the pain stop for you. You have had such a difficult year and this is just one more sad letting go. No words...Just hugs and prayers that you will find comfort.
Sometimes I hate being strong too...But giving it up to my HP is all I can do.
Sometimes I hate being strong too...But giving it up to my HP is all I can do.
Or However You Spell It....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
Thank you all for the hugs and thoughts.........
Ann........I'm sorry Toby hasn't been the same since the poisoned cat food. That's just horrible! And you know I had wondered if maybe Big Boy had gotten a hold of a poisonous frog or lizard and it affected his kidneys..........I just don't know what caused it. I only know that this NOT being able to control ANYTHING lately is really making me crazy.
I literally pace the floors of this house......back and forth.......back and forth......it's so hard sometimes to wrap my little brain around the fact there's nothing I can do about most things!! Sigh..........
Ann........I'm sorry Toby hasn't been the same since the poisoned cat food. That's just horrible! And you know I had wondered if maybe Big Boy had gotten a hold of a poisonous frog or lizard and it affected his kidneys..........I just don't know what caused it. I only know that this NOT being able to control ANYTHING lately is really making me crazy.
I literally pace the floors of this house......back and forth.......back and forth......it's so hard sometimes to wrap my little brain around the fact there's nothing I can do about most things!! Sigh..........
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 158
(((Kris))) (((Big Boy))) I'm so sorry. I wish could find the words to comfort you, but I know how much this hurts. Hold him and love him while you have this time together. It's ok to cry now. I'll cry with you. And when it's time to be strong, that strength will come from within.
Hugs and prayers
(((Ann))) (((Toby))) - Hugs and prayers also. I didn't know that Toby hasn't fully recovered from that terrible food poisoning.
Hugs and prayers
(((Ann))) (((Toby))) - Hugs and prayers also. I didn't know that Toby hasn't fully recovered from that terrible food poisoning.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
OH Kris. I have been thru this and it's NOT fun. Summer of 2005 was Groucho's last summer and she was 17.... the following summer was Ninja's last and SHE was 17 - both ultimately died from complications of kidney disease.
My cats saw me thru such horrible, sad and painful times in my life. They taught me much about unconditional love, and also about letting go of the small stuff. If you want to learn how to detach, watch a cat!
I feel your pain. You and your kitty are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs
Cats
My cats saw me thru such horrible, sad and painful times in my life. They taught me much about unconditional love, and also about letting go of the small stuff. If you want to learn how to detach, watch a cat!
I feel your pain. You and your kitty are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs
Cats
'Round and 'Round I Go....
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 478
I'm so sorry.......
Big Boy knows how much you love him....I'm sure of that because of how you are with others....there's no mistaking the love and care that pours out of you. Hug him and rub his favorite spots.
Bear hugs to you my friend.
Big Boy knows how much you love him....I'm sure of that because of how you are with others....there's no mistaking the love and care that pours out of you. Hug him and rub his favorite spots.
Bear hugs to you my friend.
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Kris.. You KNOW how much I love my cats. You know. I have been down this same road so many times in my life with cats and dogs. Kidney failure is, I believe, the #1 reason older cats pass on.. and part of the reason is that by the time symptoms show, most of the cat's kidney has been compromised.
There is little to be done at this advanced time but know that if I lived near you I would sit with you and with your cat.
It is unlikely your cat ate something or did something that you did not see. This is NOT your fault.
I have nothing more to offer except to let you know I have seen what you are seeing and felt the pain you are feeling. The loss of a pet can bring sorrow as deep as any loss we must face.
Big Boy and you are in my prayers.
There is little to be done at this advanced time but know that if I lived near you I would sit with you and with your cat.
It is unlikely your cat ate something or did something that you did not see. This is NOT your fault.
I have nothing more to offer except to let you know I have seen what you are seeing and felt the pain you are feeling. The loss of a pet can bring sorrow as deep as any loss we must face.
Big Boy and you are in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Kris, I am sorry about Big Boy. I understand the heartache of losing a beloved pet. Right now my momma dog is almost 13 and I can see the decline in her. I keep saying a prayer that she will stay around a few years longer but I know that at her age anything can happen. So sending some big hugs. I pray when the time is right, you will know that you are doing the best thing for him. Hugs, Marle
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Falling Waters, WV
Posts: 150
bless your heart.........
I am so sorry to hear about your cat, I know that animals are just like family members. I lost my black lab at the young age of 6 without warning and had I known I would have made her last days more family oriented. Cheyenne had no signs of sickness except she looked like she was having a problem going to the bathroom. I took her to the vets and they wanted to see what the problem was. I took her in for surgery only to get a call from the vet saying that she had cancer throughout her organs and therefore they requested that I just leave her asleep. I cried for hours, days, and months whenever I think about her. I did't get to tell her goodbye.
How did i get through it?? We made a plaque that holds the memories of my beloved dog and had it framed. We buried her underneath the weeping cheery tree that we had a hard time growing because she kept eating the branches..we also looked for a plaque (stepping stone) that had a photo of a lab on it. I miss her very much but I look back at the photos and know that I gave this little girl some of the best memories of both our lives.
I will keep you both in my prayers...but please realize that you gave your little cat some of the best years of her life and I am sure she is greatful and loves you for that.
How did i get through it?? We made a plaque that holds the memories of my beloved dog and had it framed. We buried her underneath the weeping cheery tree that we had a hard time growing because she kept eating the branches..we also looked for a plaque (stepping stone) that had a photo of a lab on it. I miss her very much but I look back at the photos and know that I gave this little girl some of the best memories of both our lives.
I will keep you both in my prayers...but please realize that you gave your little cat some of the best years of her life and I am sure she is greatful and loves you for that.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Kris, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I just started posting here, but this is something I can SOOOOO relate. I am a recovering addict and though I have done okay with dealing with the consequences of what I did when I was active, the one thing I cannot forgive myself is walking away from my babies - 5 cats. Thank God, my neighbor took 2 of them (the others ran away) and to this day I can't "go there" in my thinking for too long, 'cause I'm the guilt is overwhelming.
I don't know if you are familiar with Sylvia Browne or if this will help, but I read something in one of her books that helped me tremendously. She talks about the "other side" (Heaven) and she says that when we get there, we will be reunited with every human AND animal that has been a part of our lives. And we will all be healthy (mentally and physically) and can live for eternity with ALL the loved ones who were there before us.
Today, I live with my dad, stepmom, 14-year-old niece, 4 cats
and a chihuahua. I spoil the animals rotten and my dad says "you and your cats". And yes, when I eventually get my own place, I will take the oldest cat (Elvis) with me because he wants to be an only child and we are totally attached.
I agree with others above, he KNOWS he is loved. My first cat died of kidney disease and when I had to put him to "sleep" I cried for days. I had to drive by my vets every day and I cried for months. The tears are going to come and it's okay. My prayers are with you and Big Boy.
Amy
I don't know if you are familiar with Sylvia Browne or if this will help, but I read something in one of her books that helped me tremendously. She talks about the "other side" (Heaven) and she says that when we get there, we will be reunited with every human AND animal that has been a part of our lives. And we will all be healthy (mentally and physically) and can live for eternity with ALL the loved ones who were there before us.
Today, I live with my dad, stepmom, 14-year-old niece, 4 cats
and a chihuahua. I spoil the animals rotten and my dad says "you and your cats". And yes, when I eventually get my own place, I will take the oldest cat (Elvis) with me because he wants to be an only child and we are totally attached.I agree with others above, he KNOWS he is loved. My first cat died of kidney disease and when I had to put him to "sleep" I cried for days. I had to drive by my vets every day and I cried for months. The tears are going to come and it's okay. My prayers are with you and Big Boy.
Amy
Or However You Spell It....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
Just a little update. He's still with me.........he's fighting so hard!! I've gotten him to eat some wet cat food and he'll drink water out of a dropper so I'm trying to keep him as hydrated as possible. I slept with him snuggled next to me last night. He snuggled so close and looked up at me and I could see the love in his eyes.........that's when i finally lost it and you know.........he put his little paw on my face......as if to tell me everything was going to be alright. For those who ever think "It's just a cat"........you have no clue...........
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