laauhe

Thia is my first post here. Thankful to find this. My husband who is still verging on denial/acceptance of his drinking problem. We have been together 10 years, and have 2 small children. He drank much more frequently before our children came along, and has since only drinks with friends, golf, after work yadda yadda. He does not drink every day (anymore) since he has been tring to stop. He only does now on binges so to say when he just cant fight the urge anymore ( maybe 1 or 2 times a month) but when it happens, its bad. I dont really believe his "want" to stop since he doest remember the words and violence during his rages. He really has drank all his life and so did his parents, he thinks why is it so wrong?? I have tottaly lost trust in him , and am so over his false desire to sober up, because he does say im only doind this for you and the kids.

Any way, my story could go on forever.., but my point is, it is so hard to be intimate and loving with so much resentment in me since I remember all the "words" from the nights before, and years, How can I show love in this process? I do love him, not the drinking. I just always know It will happen again, so i keep inside towrds him so as not to be so hurt the next time. Greta dad and husband, when the drimks are not around and unavailable. good provider, he is getting there, but wont seek help.

I took that al non test, wow!!! I answered yes to a lot!!! scary. I know where his drinking will lead, he will kill someone on the road, or him self in one of his I will kill myself drinking moods, he gets really self loathing when really drunk.\

Anyway, im just a mom who loves her husband and wants the best for kids, so does he. How can I get past the resentment to love him during his journey????

Thanks for reading and the support.(I hide this from my family who my biggest support, since they love thim and think he is the greatest thing!!!)

steve11694

thats a tough one to answer. alanon helps us cope and we also learn that the alcoholic is on "auto pilot" so to speak and short of some perceived pain/consequence great enough to make them really want to stop, there is nothing we can do to control them. lets work on being happy and taking care of our kids. my child is my greatest happiness and all else pales in comparison

ajangels2

Laauhe,
It's my first time on this website too. I have been coming to Alanon for about 2 years. I can say that I had a great deal of resentment and condemnation towards my AH for most of the earlier part of our relationship. I'm learning now to detach with love and try to enjoy the best of him. My AH is sober now almost 6 months, but he can still be rather unpleasant and grumpy. Showing love when the last thing I really wanted to do was show love was tough for me, it still is. Those rages are so hurtful and reopen those old wounds all over again. I am learning to detach from his moods and his unpleasantness and go on with my night or my day. I try to remain pleasant even though I really don't want to. My nature is to be just as scathing as he can be. If he's good at giving out the lashes he better get use to getting them, you know what I mean? If you can make a F2F meeting in your area and try to take the focus off him and put it on you... you can validate your feelings more and figure out what you need to heal from those feelings. He may not ever stop drinking and that is reality for every A, but it does not mean you have to carry that anger and resentment with you. Give it some time and keep venting on the message boards and in the meetings if you can.

Peace,
ajangels