My Story; Hello all, and well met
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 4
My Story; Hello all, and well met
I found this site last year, just before Christmas, which I suppose is when a lot of addicts think deeply about their individual situations. I was preparing for a trip to see the woman I love in Pennsylvania. I knew I had a problem, a 12-18 beer a day problem most days, a 24-36 beer a day problem others.
My girlfriend, met on the internet, more or less disapproved of my habit rather than supported the breaking of that habit. I don't blame her though, I can be kind of a jerk when I am not drunk.
I went to PA for Christmas and New Years. Things started off on the wrong foot, and I was feeling depressed if not apathetic. Well I had an opportunity to drink, and I drank way too much Christmas morning. I vaguely remember falling into the artificial tree (lucky I didn't put my eye out) and I vaguely remember puking my guts out afterward. Of course I was so out of it, the mess I made in the bathroom was left for her to clean up.
As most such instances go, I guess, I really felt bad, equally sorry for myself for being in such a sad state, and sorry for her for having to put up with it. Not that she had to, she could have kicked me out and sent me back home 800 miles away, but she didn't.
My habit started when I was 21. I never really had beer before then, and started off at a couple beers every few days. I was with roommates at the time, and when I moved out to live on my own, I quickly deteriorated to 6 - 12 beers a day. Sometimes I would drink a bottle of wine instead, rarely hard liquor. This progressed to a 12 pack a day, or a magnum and a half of wine. Almost always, I drank alone. There was a bar within walking distance, and I frequented them until I realized there were only so many 50 dollar nights I could afford.
I never shirked my responsibilities, never failed to pay bills... I don't drive because of a physical condition, so I never drove under the influence. I knew though, in the back of my mind that this was really getting the upper hand on me. My doctor started to get concerned recently because my liver enzymes are elevated.
For the last 4 or 5 years, I have had very short pauses between the nights I would get drunk.
I am proud to say that today is the start of my 6th day sober, and I feel wonderful. I'm not going to AA, and I have a very small support group, but they all support me very much.
Last night something remarkable happened, and that is why I am here now.
I first joined as a member here10 months ago and have never posted, not even an introduction. I don't completely know why I never posted... Maybe it was fear of the unknown, or doubt in myself... Just another bunch of people to be let down by me. Well I don't feel any of those feelings now. I believe to some extent, just the fact that I found this site and joined has provided me an unlikely anchor to my true desire: to be sober and happy.
Last night ended my 5th day sober and this morning began my 6th. I haven't been sober for 6 straight days in....god who knows. But last night I had the first powerful urge to get drunk. It blindsided me, but a thought came to me, also blindsiding me. I want to get drunk to get away from life for a while. There is something else I can do to get away from life for a while, without substance.
What did I find to distract me from my unwelcome thoughts? I cleaned the bathroom. Well parts of it. If you saw my house you would understand. I am sure others who are/were drunks as bad as me neglected many chores as well. Given the success, though, at last nights diversion, I feel more confident today, that I will hit the one week mark Friday morning. And also more confident that I will do this for good. I will do this right this time.
I have a choice, you see... I can choose to drown my world in alcohol to get it out of my mind, or I can choose to examine the world enough to understand what needs to be understood, driving the rest away with preoccupation and labor.
I choose the latter today, and am proud to do so. I am also proud that the preoccupation of labor will make my home a more beautiful and enjoyable place to be, and for others to visit.
More than pride though, I feel well. I will not be sick on this, the 6th day of sobriety for me; the threshold of the end of the beginning of a long and happy life in sobriety.
Allow me to keep this place as a journal, if nothing more; a place to share my thoughts and experiences; a place for others to perhaps benefit from my successes and my failures and from what I learn from each.
Thanks
My girlfriend, met on the internet, more or less disapproved of my habit rather than supported the breaking of that habit. I don't blame her though, I can be kind of a jerk when I am not drunk.
I went to PA for Christmas and New Years. Things started off on the wrong foot, and I was feeling depressed if not apathetic. Well I had an opportunity to drink, and I drank way too much Christmas morning. I vaguely remember falling into the artificial tree (lucky I didn't put my eye out) and I vaguely remember puking my guts out afterward. Of course I was so out of it, the mess I made in the bathroom was left for her to clean up.
As most such instances go, I guess, I really felt bad, equally sorry for myself for being in such a sad state, and sorry for her for having to put up with it. Not that she had to, she could have kicked me out and sent me back home 800 miles away, but she didn't.
My habit started when I was 21. I never really had beer before then, and started off at a couple beers every few days. I was with roommates at the time, and when I moved out to live on my own, I quickly deteriorated to 6 - 12 beers a day. Sometimes I would drink a bottle of wine instead, rarely hard liquor. This progressed to a 12 pack a day, or a magnum and a half of wine. Almost always, I drank alone. There was a bar within walking distance, and I frequented them until I realized there were only so many 50 dollar nights I could afford.
I never shirked my responsibilities, never failed to pay bills... I don't drive because of a physical condition, so I never drove under the influence. I knew though, in the back of my mind that this was really getting the upper hand on me. My doctor started to get concerned recently because my liver enzymes are elevated.
For the last 4 or 5 years, I have had very short pauses between the nights I would get drunk.
I am proud to say that today is the start of my 6th day sober, and I feel wonderful. I'm not going to AA, and I have a very small support group, but they all support me very much.
Last night something remarkable happened, and that is why I am here now.
I first joined as a member here10 months ago and have never posted, not even an introduction. I don't completely know why I never posted... Maybe it was fear of the unknown, or doubt in myself... Just another bunch of people to be let down by me. Well I don't feel any of those feelings now. I believe to some extent, just the fact that I found this site and joined has provided me an unlikely anchor to my true desire: to be sober and happy.
Last night ended my 5th day sober and this morning began my 6th. I haven't been sober for 6 straight days in....god who knows. But last night I had the first powerful urge to get drunk. It blindsided me, but a thought came to me, also blindsiding me. I want to get drunk to get away from life for a while. There is something else I can do to get away from life for a while, without substance.
What did I find to distract me from my unwelcome thoughts? I cleaned the bathroom. Well parts of it. If you saw my house you would understand. I am sure others who are/were drunks as bad as me neglected many chores as well. Given the success, though, at last nights diversion, I feel more confident today, that I will hit the one week mark Friday morning. And also more confident that I will do this for good. I will do this right this time.
I have a choice, you see... I can choose to drown my world in alcohol to get it out of my mind, or I can choose to examine the world enough to understand what needs to be understood, driving the rest away with preoccupation and labor.
I choose the latter today, and am proud to do so. I am also proud that the preoccupation of labor will make my home a more beautiful and enjoyable place to be, and for others to visit.
More than pride though, I feel well. I will not be sick on this, the 6th day of sobriety for me; the threshold of the end of the beginning of a long and happy life in sobriety.
Allow me to keep this place as a journal, if nothing more; a place to share my thoughts and experiences; a place for others to perhaps benefit from my successes and my failures and from what I learn from each.
Thanks
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Great!
Congratulations on 6 days sober!
You're got the right idea by distracting yourself. That's what worked for me. I changed patterns and routines in my life so that I would purposely be doing something else during the times I would have been drinking. It really helped.
Congratulations on 6 days sober!
You're got the right idea by distracting yourself. That's what worked for me. I changed patterns and routines in my life so that I would purposely be doing something else during the times I would have been drinking. It really helped.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi DD, and welcome. Congratulations on your decision to live a sober life.
I've learned that the disease of alcoholism is threefold: physical, mental, and spiritual. By sobering up, I was making but a beginning. Please keep this in mind. The recovering alcoholic has much to do (in due time) in order to get well and remain abstinent.
Your house is going to be super-clean soon by the sounds of it, so make sure you've got a plan in place for the next time you want to drink. The voice of the addict can be seductive and make you believe that the drink is the answer.
I hope you keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
I'm so glad you are here.
Rowan
I've learned that the disease of alcoholism is threefold: physical, mental, and spiritual. By sobering up, I was making but a beginning. Please keep this in mind. The recovering alcoholic has much to do (in due time) in order to get well and remain abstinent.
Your house is going to be super-clean soon by the sounds of it, so make sure you've got a plan in place for the next time you want to drink. The voice of the addict can be seductive and make you believe that the drink is the answer.
I hope you keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
I'm so glad you are here.
Rowan
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