Recovery / Relapse

Old 09-18-2007, 05:04 PM
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Recovery / Relapse

I've been reading a lot about recovery and relapse. As a Card Carrying Codie (complete with my own autographed, unlimited edition of the Codie Handbook)I have discovered some interesting things!

Just as I am not responsible for another person's addiction, I am not responsible for another person's relapse OR recovery! I know that sounds simple, but I have nearly broken my arm a time or 2 patting myself on the back because someone else found their way to a program of recovery ! I'm not sure why that is, but it is....

I have a lot of years in Al Anon... yet I can still fall back into that murky madness of codependency with just a teensie weensie nudge. I definitely have more learning to do - because I am not responsible for anyone else's choices - good OR bad. Each of us finds our own bottom, each of us finds our own recovery or program, and each of us works it at our own pace... and each is responsible for his/her own successes AND failures. All of the encouragement in the world is just that - encouragement. Support. We can't be addicted FOR someone else anymore than we can be recovered for someone else. They have to do it themselves.

Go figure.

Cats
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Old 09-18-2007, 05:34 PM
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Amen, sister. I used to not only believe that when my son found recovery, as he did many times (just couldn't hang on to it)...that somehow "I" had succeeded, that he had finally listened to "me" and decided to get clean. Maybe that's why he didn't stay clean for so many tries, it was about people pleasing and not about serious recovery from addiction.

Today I stand by the motto, begun by Ogly and handed down to us...."Hands Off the Addict, Hands Off Their Recovery Too."

So move over, Cat, I'm sharing your couch of enlightenment for a while. I never thought much about this, but you really hit the nail on the head for me.

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Old 09-18-2007, 05:37 PM
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There's lots of room on my couch. I'll gladly share with you. We can laugh and share stories until others join us. (it's a big couch).
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Old 09-18-2007, 07:28 PM
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I can still fall back into that murky madness of codependency with just a teensie weensie nudge. I definitely have more learning to do - because I am not responsible for anyone else's choices - good OR bad.
I'm pretty good at not thinking I was responsible for someone getting themselves out of the mess, but have to use handcuffs sometimes to keep my hands off when they are in the mess. It's hard to watch someone I love make a choice that I am quite sure will only result in pain. At this point it has nothing to do with addiction...just wanting to be Mama Codie, I guess. I am particularly vulnerable with my daughter...I just seem to want to protect her from every little hurt in life since she has had so much pain this last year and a half. I have to remind myself (sometimes rather forcefully, lol) that there can be a reason to go through pain...a larger lesson HP has that I am clueless about. Just because I feel for her and her losses, it doesn't mean I can deny her the right to continue to grow and experience life. It helps me to remind myself that I've been through a lot of stuff too, but if anyone tried to "do" for me, I'd have an issue with that. I know my daughter is no different and she deserves to fly on her own.

I'd like to join you on your couch if you wouldn't mind sharing your light when I slip and forget that this is a program for every aspect of my life. Just shine that light on me like a spotlight, and it will be a great reminder...hands off what isn't mine to control!

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Old 09-18-2007, 07:36 PM
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You ladies are so wise. I would love to have a seat on the couch and just maybe some of your smarts can rub off onto me. Thanks for all of your good advice.

Ann........I love your avatar.
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Old 09-18-2007, 07:44 PM
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Can I squeeze in there too? The really sad thing about me is, I know the signs of codie-ism, yet I don't realize that I've taken on everyone elses problems until I start feeling overwhelmed.....again, and I have to do a reality check.

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Old 09-19-2007, 07:11 AM
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When I grow up.....

I want to sit on the couch with the "Big Dogs".

Colleen
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Old 09-19-2007, 07:28 AM
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Make room for me, I need your insight an experience for my journey
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