Please: Any Help????????
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 126
Please: Any Help????????
Hello everyone...I have only ever posted in the "Adult Child of Alcoholics" forum, but this has a lot to do with this forum too....I am desperately needing help, advice, or anything at all.... I’m sorry for the long post, but if you have time to read it all—I would appreciate any advice whatsoever. I am really in a desperate position right now in my life & I don’t know what to do. Since I have posted on sober recovery before & received so much support, I figured this would be a good place to just start typing…
I began recovery as an ACOA last February when I sort of “discovered” that all my problems were rooted in my past. It was & still is so hard for
me, and I am depressed. I was really active in recovery at first… I posted here a lot…but I haven’t posted in months, and stopped going to meetings. I have definitely “slipped” and I have seen myself go back to my old ways…Mainly, I have noticed I close up emotionally, among other things--codependency too. Well here’s where it gets messy: after my recovery wakening in Feb, I dropped all my classes in college…I managed to graduate still, but I had no plan…I had no idea what I wanted to do. So, I haven’t had a job since February, and I am broke, and owe my family money.
Adding to my feeling of lost-ness, confusion, fear…I feel so blind & naïve!!! Being a child of an alcoholic… “big surprise” …I realize my boyfriend of 2 ½ years is also an alcoholic. (How did I not see that coming?!?!?!?!?). Well, I have been to hell & back with him and things have gotten 1000% worse with his drinking/depression over the last month…there are no words to describe the changes within him. He has done & said things I NEVER thought he would ever do or say. I found out I cannot trust him alone for a second. He makes sincere promises, and breaks them LITERALLY 5 minutes later. I have stuck with him and let him treat me like sh*t for the last month, since things have escalated. He lies, he refuses help or rehab, he resents me & his mom when we offer treatment plans, he screams at me, he is disrespectful, he has seemingly turned bipolar, and the man that I knew him to be is buried away or lost or something. He has been emotionally wounding me everyday, and I have been “taking it” because I know if I left him he would really feel hopeless and most likely kill himself….believe me, I know how manipulative & messed up this is….so I guess I am not strong enough to leave him or something.... i don't know.
This is where things get really out of control… Like I said over the last 2-3 weeks my boyfriend has gone from “pretty bad” to Severely needs mental help! Over the last 2 weeks: He developed severe anxiety with his depression and he shakes & twitches; he smoke massive amounts of marijuana; he is on multiple medications but he won’t take them consistently! He hates God—hates life—hates everything—and talking to him is like talking to a brick wall. He got drunk and flipped his truck over 3 times into the river last week—miraculously he wasn’t hurt—but he totaled his truck. He called me to get him—I was so worried about him & he refused to go to the ER because he didn’t want a DUI. He then proceeded to file a false police report!!! saying his truck was stolen! He dropped all his classes in school, and kept the loan money for spending/drinking money; He has threatened suicide multiple times—and because of this, his mom and I took his hunting guns away—for he said he wanted to use them on himself. This is a guy who--when sober--is a wonderful, kind, caring, and compassionate person. He is studying pre-med and has a 3.5GPA...he served in the military and is a vet of the Iraq war (which I suspect has contributed highly to his current problems--post traumatic stress). He was sober, and made his own efforts to seek out therapisits---but he found no resolve with them, and I guess gave up...
Yesterday was the worst—I had realized I cannot live like this anymore, and BEG him again to go into inpatient rehab. I tell him alcohol is ruining his life, and there is NO other way to do this. He says he doesn’t need help & can stop drinking on his own—which he obviously cant. All of the sudden he gets really mad that his mom took his guns away the other day, and says he feels “backed into a corner”. When she refuses to give them back to him, he called the police & filed a “stolen property report” to which the police did nothing because his mom had told the police WHY she had confiscated the guns in the first place and that he was suicidal. So my BF tells his mom, “fine, I’ll go buy a new gun” & in a fit of anger—because he claims we are conspiring against him & feels we are taking away his freedoms and he is a "grown man"—he goes to a sporting goods store and buys a $400 shot gun and ammo. His mom freaks out, gets in her car & follows him…she finds him drunk with the shotgun sitting in my car (which he had borrowed earlier in the day)—and his mom calls 911 and tells them everything. Well in the end, my BF had drunkenly driven my car around the corner and tons of police came after him with their guns drawn. They found a loaded 12 gauge in the front seat next to him with a bullet in the chamber. I guess my prayers came true, because they hauled him off to detox & inpatient rehab—and he has to stay there by law. He has was acting crazy—yelling & screaming at everyone in the hospital—his BAC was 0.3.
I am emotionally and physically torn apart—worn out—and beat up. Every bone, muscle and piece of hair on my body hurts. I have no energy and dont want to leave my apartment....I havent taken a shower in over 4 days.... The constant pressure of worrying about him & the pain he has caused me has worn me down to nothing. I have been treating myself badly—I probably smoked 2 ½ packs of cigarettes yesterday, and honestly, my throat and mouth are killing me and I haven’t cared. I have been eating like crap—if anything at all. Now I am sad, alone & confused. I was so concerned about getting him into rehab—I didn’t stop and think about how I would feel after—But believe me—no matter how I feel—I know he NEEDS to be there & I will fight to keep him there….I guess I just didn’t think about me living alone in our apartment (in a city where I know nobody—I moved here 1 month ago for him!), and that I have lost my best friend (meaning when he is sane). Not to mention I have no $$$ and I definitely cannot afford the whole rent by myself. I have no job, no friends, no money, no clue what I want to do with my life…I am alone.
And just to make everything just a little worse…adding to my ACOA issues, the traumatic experiences with my boyfriend, and feeling lost & alone and broke…my grandfather died—he shot himself a week ago. I don’t even feel this has hit me yet…I have so much crap in my life—I haven’t had time to process half of it. I don’t know what to do with myself—none of my options/alternatives sound good to me right now…I don’t want to leave the city I am in because my BF is in rehab here and I haven’t talked to him since the police thing…everything is up in the air & I don’t know whats going on…so here I am sitting alone. I don’t know what I am asking for…I just keep thinking “What do I do now?!?” Concerning everything—all aspects of my life.
I’m sorry for the long post—and if you took the time to read it all—thank you! Any support/suggestions are appreciated…
Love Stephanie
I began recovery as an ACOA last February when I sort of “discovered” that all my problems were rooted in my past. It was & still is so hard for
me, and I am depressed. I was really active in recovery at first… I posted here a lot…but I haven’t posted in months, and stopped going to meetings. I have definitely “slipped” and I have seen myself go back to my old ways…Mainly, I have noticed I close up emotionally, among other things--codependency too. Well here’s where it gets messy: after my recovery wakening in Feb, I dropped all my classes in college…I managed to graduate still, but I had no plan…I had no idea what I wanted to do. So, I haven’t had a job since February, and I am broke, and owe my family money.
Adding to my feeling of lost-ness, confusion, fear…I feel so blind & naïve!!! Being a child of an alcoholic… “big surprise” …I realize my boyfriend of 2 ½ years is also an alcoholic. (How did I not see that coming?!?!?!?!?). Well, I have been to hell & back with him and things have gotten 1000% worse with his drinking/depression over the last month…there are no words to describe the changes within him. He has done & said things I NEVER thought he would ever do or say. I found out I cannot trust him alone for a second. He makes sincere promises, and breaks them LITERALLY 5 minutes later. I have stuck with him and let him treat me like sh*t for the last month, since things have escalated. He lies, he refuses help or rehab, he resents me & his mom when we offer treatment plans, he screams at me, he is disrespectful, he has seemingly turned bipolar, and the man that I knew him to be is buried away or lost or something. He has been emotionally wounding me everyday, and I have been “taking it” because I know if I left him he would really feel hopeless and most likely kill himself….believe me, I know how manipulative & messed up this is….so I guess I am not strong enough to leave him or something.... i don't know.
This is where things get really out of control… Like I said over the last 2-3 weeks my boyfriend has gone from “pretty bad” to Severely needs mental help! Over the last 2 weeks: He developed severe anxiety with his depression and he shakes & twitches; he smoke massive amounts of marijuana; he is on multiple medications but he won’t take them consistently! He hates God—hates life—hates everything—and talking to him is like talking to a brick wall. He got drunk and flipped his truck over 3 times into the river last week—miraculously he wasn’t hurt—but he totaled his truck. He called me to get him—I was so worried about him & he refused to go to the ER because he didn’t want a DUI. He then proceeded to file a false police report!!! saying his truck was stolen! He dropped all his classes in school, and kept the loan money for spending/drinking money; He has threatened suicide multiple times—and because of this, his mom and I took his hunting guns away—for he said he wanted to use them on himself. This is a guy who--when sober--is a wonderful, kind, caring, and compassionate person. He is studying pre-med and has a 3.5GPA...he served in the military and is a vet of the Iraq war (which I suspect has contributed highly to his current problems--post traumatic stress). He was sober, and made his own efforts to seek out therapisits---but he found no resolve with them, and I guess gave up...
Yesterday was the worst—I had realized I cannot live like this anymore, and BEG him again to go into inpatient rehab. I tell him alcohol is ruining his life, and there is NO other way to do this. He says he doesn’t need help & can stop drinking on his own—which he obviously cant. All of the sudden he gets really mad that his mom took his guns away the other day, and says he feels “backed into a corner”. When she refuses to give them back to him, he called the police & filed a “stolen property report” to which the police did nothing because his mom had told the police WHY she had confiscated the guns in the first place and that he was suicidal. So my BF tells his mom, “fine, I’ll go buy a new gun” & in a fit of anger—because he claims we are conspiring against him & feels we are taking away his freedoms and he is a "grown man"—he goes to a sporting goods store and buys a $400 shot gun and ammo. His mom freaks out, gets in her car & follows him…she finds him drunk with the shotgun sitting in my car (which he had borrowed earlier in the day)—and his mom calls 911 and tells them everything. Well in the end, my BF had drunkenly driven my car around the corner and tons of police came after him with their guns drawn. They found a loaded 12 gauge in the front seat next to him with a bullet in the chamber. I guess my prayers came true, because they hauled him off to detox & inpatient rehab—and he has to stay there by law. He has was acting crazy—yelling & screaming at everyone in the hospital—his BAC was 0.3.
I am emotionally and physically torn apart—worn out—and beat up. Every bone, muscle and piece of hair on my body hurts. I have no energy and dont want to leave my apartment....I havent taken a shower in over 4 days.... The constant pressure of worrying about him & the pain he has caused me has worn me down to nothing. I have been treating myself badly—I probably smoked 2 ½ packs of cigarettes yesterday, and honestly, my throat and mouth are killing me and I haven’t cared. I have been eating like crap—if anything at all. Now I am sad, alone & confused. I was so concerned about getting him into rehab—I didn’t stop and think about how I would feel after—But believe me—no matter how I feel—I know he NEEDS to be there & I will fight to keep him there….I guess I just didn’t think about me living alone in our apartment (in a city where I know nobody—I moved here 1 month ago for him!), and that I have lost my best friend (meaning when he is sane). Not to mention I have no $$$ and I definitely cannot afford the whole rent by myself. I have no job, no friends, no money, no clue what I want to do with my life…I am alone.
And just to make everything just a little worse…adding to my ACOA issues, the traumatic experiences with my boyfriend, and feeling lost & alone and broke…my grandfather died—he shot himself a week ago. I don’t even feel this has hit me yet…I have so much crap in my life—I haven’t had time to process half of it. I don’t know what to do with myself—none of my options/alternatives sound good to me right now…I don’t want to leave the city I am in because my BF is in rehab here and I haven’t talked to him since the police thing…everything is up in the air & I don’t know whats going on…so here I am sitting alone. I don’t know what I am asking for…I just keep thinking “What do I do now?!?” Concerning everything—all aspects of my life.
I’m sorry for the long post—and if you took the time to read it all—thank you! Any support/suggestions are appreciated…
Love Stephanie
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
Wow (((Stephanie))), you sure have been through a lot.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather.
As far as your boyfriend is concerned, it sounds like he is where he needs to be. Guns, more guns, ammo, and alcohol....no, sweetie, let the professionals and the police deal with him right now. You can't help him. But there is a chance that they can.
As far as the rent goes, is your name on the lease? If not, I don't see where you need to worry about that. If your name is on the lease as well as his, could it be that 'his' mom might be able to help out for just one month? Just long enough to buy you some time to figure out where else you might be able to go.
I think it's time for some Alanon meetings and perhaps there might be some free counsling in your area, perhaps through various 'women' organizations? I would try any reasonable avenue I could right now. You need all the support that you can find.
Of course, keep coming back here too. You're not alone.
And just believe that one baby step at a time, you'll get back on the right track for 'you'!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather.
As far as your boyfriend is concerned, it sounds like he is where he needs to be. Guns, more guns, ammo, and alcohol....no, sweetie, let the professionals and the police deal with him right now. You can't help him. But there is a chance that they can.
As far as the rent goes, is your name on the lease? If not, I don't see where you need to worry about that. If your name is on the lease as well as his, could it be that 'his' mom might be able to help out for just one month? Just long enough to buy you some time to figure out where else you might be able to go.
I think it's time for some Alanon meetings and perhaps there might be some free counsling in your area, perhaps through various 'women' organizations? I would try any reasonable avenue I could right now. You need all the support that you can find.
Of course, keep coming back here too. You're not alone.
And just believe that one baby step at a time, you'll get back on the right track for 'you'!
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
Yes sounds like you have been through alot.
Now besides the meetings, and you may not want to hear this, but I say... RUN.
This is a guy with more red flags and issues that you should have to deal with.
Now besides the meetings, and you may not want to hear this, but I say... RUN.
This is a guy with more red flags and issues that you should have to deal with.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
It souns like life is really awful for you right now. Perhaps its time to fcus on yourself and figure out what you need to do to make your life better. You can't do a thing for your boyfriend. His choices and problems are his to deal with. You cannot change him!
Find a meeting to go to or get into individual therapy. Make plans to get out of your living situation. Figure out how you can start moving toward the happy normal life you deserve.
Find a meeting to go to or get into individual therapy. Make plans to get out of your living situation. Figure out how you can start moving toward the happy normal life you deserve.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 178
Hi Steph,
For the moment he's safe in rehab and you need to pull yourself together. Start with the little normal every day things you do for yourself. This will help you regain your balance.
I think the first thing you need to do is take a long hot bath. It's soothing and calming and makes you feel squeaky clean. Imagine all the craziness in your life washing down the tub drain when your done. Wrap yourself up in your fav comfy bathrobe. Then check out the fridge and cook up a good hot meal. You need your strength and you need to eat. With a pillow and a soft blankie on your couch, listen to some music, or watch a movie or read a book for awhile. Something quiet and to deflect your mind off your bf for a little bit, then get a good night's rest.
In the morning, take a shower, eat some breakfast and then take an inventory on your laundry/clothing situation. Make yourself do it. Do you have a washer/dryer or do you do the laundry out? Your going to need clean clothes and look nice to look for a job. I suggest a waitressing job where you can make some quick cash in tips for your immediate needs if you're stone cold broke and for cash if you need to move or make some changes.
Tackle one of your problems at a time. When is your next rent due? Like if you don't think you can keep the apartment you'll need someplace to put your things until they can be retrieved later. And you're going to need shelter. Do you have family or friends you can go home to if you can't financially keep the apartment? Make some calls and let them know what's going on. Or maybe you can just rent a room in the city right now instead of an apartment.
I know you want to stay close to your bf right now but you also need to take care of yourself and meet your immediate needs first. If you can keep the apartment, great, if you can't do it you can't do it.
Whether you stay in the city or go home to family friends do something for you and attend a local Al-Anon. You've been through alot and you need help too.
Is he in VA rehab? If he has PTSD the VA must have services he or his counselors can look into for therapy. He has resources at his disposal he can use if he wants to. Whether he does or not you still have to survive and go on in life.
For the moment he's safe in rehab and you need to pull yourself together. Start with the little normal every day things you do for yourself. This will help you regain your balance.
I think the first thing you need to do is take a long hot bath. It's soothing and calming and makes you feel squeaky clean. Imagine all the craziness in your life washing down the tub drain when your done. Wrap yourself up in your fav comfy bathrobe. Then check out the fridge and cook up a good hot meal. You need your strength and you need to eat. With a pillow and a soft blankie on your couch, listen to some music, or watch a movie or read a book for awhile. Something quiet and to deflect your mind off your bf for a little bit, then get a good night's rest.
In the morning, take a shower, eat some breakfast and then take an inventory on your laundry/clothing situation. Make yourself do it. Do you have a washer/dryer or do you do the laundry out? Your going to need clean clothes and look nice to look for a job. I suggest a waitressing job where you can make some quick cash in tips for your immediate needs if you're stone cold broke and for cash if you need to move or make some changes.
Tackle one of your problems at a time. When is your next rent due? Like if you don't think you can keep the apartment you'll need someplace to put your things until they can be retrieved later. And you're going to need shelter. Do you have family or friends you can go home to if you can't financially keep the apartment? Make some calls and let them know what's going on. Or maybe you can just rent a room in the city right now instead of an apartment.
I know you want to stay close to your bf right now but you also need to take care of yourself and meet your immediate needs first. If you can keep the apartment, great, if you can't do it you can't do it.
Whether you stay in the city or go home to family friends do something for you and attend a local Al-Anon. You've been through alot and you need help too.
Is he in VA rehab? If he has PTSD the VA must have services he or his counselors can look into for therapy. He has resources at his disposal he can use if he wants to. Whether he does or not you still have to survive and go on in life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
((((((stephanie))))))
sweety, i've been there with my xh. mine was very, very sick like you describe yours. when it became dangerous for me, i realized i had to make a choice to live.
that meant leaving and making my own life.
you do have choices. i could not depend on my xh to change, so i had to change.
it was hard and my heart was broken. i went through hell with him and without him....it was hell trying to find myself again after living in this nightmare.
i agree with baby steps right now. first, take care of yourself. breathe. get clean. eat. make a plan based upon what you want. and then move forward with that plan.
it's time to look very deeply into your life and decide what you want. you cannot change him, but you can change yourself.
best of everything to you
jeri
sweety, i've been there with my xh. mine was very, very sick like you describe yours. when it became dangerous for me, i realized i had to make a choice to live.
that meant leaving and making my own life.
you do have choices. i could not depend on my xh to change, so i had to change.
it was hard and my heart was broken. i went through hell with him and without him....it was hell trying to find myself again after living in this nightmare.
i agree with baby steps right now. first, take care of yourself. breathe. get clean. eat. make a plan based upon what you want. and then move forward with that plan.
it's time to look very deeply into your life and decide what you want. you cannot change him, but you can change yourself.
best of everything to you
jeri
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
WOW!!
I, too have been worn thin, let my health go...smoking like a chimney.
I found AlANon And it has really restored some thread of sanity to my life. There is the hope that I will move out of the mess.
He sounds like he may need some serious help outside of rehab..perhaps some EMDR therapy, for the PTSD from iraq. There is so much going on for you.
I just want to hold you in my thoughts in a safe and warm place, just so that a little flame can start to light inside. You will be OK.Please try Alanon.
I, too have been worn thin, let my health go...smoking like a chimney.
I found AlANon And it has really restored some thread of sanity to my life. There is the hope that I will move out of the mess.
He sounds like he may need some serious help outside of rehab..perhaps some EMDR therapy, for the PTSD from iraq. There is so much going on for you.
I just want to hold you in my thoughts in a safe and warm place, just so that a little flame can start to light inside. You will be OK.Please try Alanon.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by Layla2222 
Yesterday was the worst—I had realized I cannot live like this anymore, and BEG him again to go into inpatient rehab.
I came to understand that if I could not live a certain way, I needed to change - my happiness and well-being could not be tied to someone else entering rehab.
Do you attend Al-Anon or any other form of support?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 126
Thank you to everyone....all your support has helped me, and i have been browsing the site & gained a lot of understanding.
I feel like I want to write more about whats going on inside me....my head is filled with a million different thoughts & emotions that i cant sort out right now....
Well, I am going to an Alanon meeting tonight at 8pm....i need to talk to people (in person) who understand. I am getting so angry with my family--i know they are just worried about me---but they call 10 times a day asking "What are you going to do?" and "Where are you going to live?" and "What about money?" and I just get so upset because to me right now---that is the least of my problems. I feel like they dont understand the feelings inside me. I don’t even care about the money thing (I think partially because I know I can always live with my mom if I need to).
I found an old book i bought for ACOA --book on codependency. In first reading this book back in February (when I was dealing with ACOA issues with my dad) I thought, this stuff doesn’t really relate to me--it was a lot about spouses of AH's. Well, I read it & I thought--oh my god, this is me…I thought God directed me to this book back in Feb, because he knew I would be needing it later……I knew I was co-dep before, but for some reason I was blind to seeing it with my BF now…. This all snuck up on me and I got so wrapped up so quickly--over the last week-- in saving him from killing himself--that I LITERALLY forgot that I even existed. It was the strangest feeling when they took him away…he was safe in rehab and all of the sudden I lwas ike….”Oh yea….me. I forgot about me…” Does that make sense??? I feel like I totally forgot I existed as a human being....
Well I realized I am totally and completely co-dependent--in ways i didnt even realize—on my AH. This whole time I have been telling myself, I am going to take the abuse & do everything to help him & I thought I was strong for doing so....for being the one to save him. Well maybe I am strong--but only in the sense that I can take a lot of abuse & somehow still be alive.
I know now I cant save him. I also now realize that I was doing everything I can to make him feel better/to help him/etc....and I thought I was doing it to "save him"......what I didn’t realize was I was making it worse. I was picking him back up every time he fell---ENABLING him. Again I feel SO stupid, because I thought all this time I wasn’t enabling because I wouldn’t allow him to drink around me, where as his family would. All this time I was so desperate to help him—and I thought I was helping—I was actually making it worse!!
I see now I am sick and I need to go to Alanon for me.... whereas before, for some crazy reason, I was thinking I was going to go there to learn how to act around him or help him or something. WOW that sounds really stupid now, and I feel REALLY blind that I even thought that---Reading tons of posts on here it sounds like the best thing I can do for him is nothing, right?
Well, I have a few questions I want to post….I think I’ll make a new thread called "questions"....I would really appriciate any advice you can offer.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU everything—I feel like you are the only ones who understand.
Much love, Stephanie
I feel like I want to write more about whats going on inside me....my head is filled with a million different thoughts & emotions that i cant sort out right now....
Well, I am going to an Alanon meeting tonight at 8pm....i need to talk to people (in person) who understand. I am getting so angry with my family--i know they are just worried about me---but they call 10 times a day asking "What are you going to do?" and "Where are you going to live?" and "What about money?" and I just get so upset because to me right now---that is the least of my problems. I feel like they dont understand the feelings inside me. I don’t even care about the money thing (I think partially because I know I can always live with my mom if I need to).
I found an old book i bought for ACOA --book on codependency. In first reading this book back in February (when I was dealing with ACOA issues with my dad) I thought, this stuff doesn’t really relate to me--it was a lot about spouses of AH's. Well, I read it & I thought--oh my god, this is me…I thought God directed me to this book back in Feb, because he knew I would be needing it later……I knew I was co-dep before, but for some reason I was blind to seeing it with my BF now…. This all snuck up on me and I got so wrapped up so quickly--over the last week-- in saving him from killing himself--that I LITERALLY forgot that I even existed. It was the strangest feeling when they took him away…he was safe in rehab and all of the sudden I lwas ike….”Oh yea….me. I forgot about me…” Does that make sense??? I feel like I totally forgot I existed as a human being....
Well I realized I am totally and completely co-dependent--in ways i didnt even realize—on my AH. This whole time I have been telling myself, I am going to take the abuse & do everything to help him & I thought I was strong for doing so....for being the one to save him. Well maybe I am strong--but only in the sense that I can take a lot of abuse & somehow still be alive.
I know now I cant save him. I also now realize that I was doing everything I can to make him feel better/to help him/etc....and I thought I was doing it to "save him"......what I didn’t realize was I was making it worse. I was picking him back up every time he fell---ENABLING him. Again I feel SO stupid, because I thought all this time I wasn’t enabling because I wouldn’t allow him to drink around me, where as his family would. All this time I was so desperate to help him—and I thought I was helping—I was actually making it worse!!
I see now I am sick and I need to go to Alanon for me.... whereas before, for some crazy reason, I was thinking I was going to go there to learn how to act around him or help him or something. WOW that sounds really stupid now, and I feel REALLY blind that I even thought that---Reading tons of posts on here it sounds like the best thing I can do for him is nothing, right?
Well, I have a few questions I want to post….I think I’ll make a new thread called "questions"....I would really appriciate any advice you can offer.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU everything—I feel like you are the only ones who understand.
Much love, Stephanie
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