Ugh!

Old 09-18-2007, 06:33 AM
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Ugh!

Court is right around the corner for us. Last night we got a call from my addict DIL. I use that term very loosely because the person that is my DIL is gone and what is left is an addict. Of course she likes to manipulate my DH. He of course is so kind he puts up with this. He listens patiently and talks very nicely to her as she spills her venom of hate all over him. So I am standing there calmly putting dinner on the table waiting patiently for him to sit down. I usher the kids down stairs to the play area and I calmly walk into the office and pick up the phone. I get “Oh is SHE on the phone now.” I said yes I am here. She said “well do me a favor and do not get into your screaming mode and be so emotional ok?” DH said YO watch how you speak to my wife. I then said you know I am sick of being your punching bag. You are the one that got you in this mess. You are a victim of your own doing. From that point on she was ballistic. She was screaming and QUACKING. I told her I do not want to her “quacking” anymore. I am sick to death of it. That got me a whole four seconds of silence. Took her off guard and she had no reply back for 4 seconds that is. She said she was calling social services and making sure they put “her” daughter in a foster home. That she would be so much better off if she was “those” types of people then where she is now. I said excuse me? Do not threaten me ever. I said you know what you are dear DIL you are a big bully with a phone. You are a poor excuse for a mother to say a thing like that. She said well you allowed “my daughter” to come over and your step son is on crack. I said yeah well you were there. Why are you there? Why is it every time you get yourself in a pickle you throw step son under the bus? Why is it now we hear this why not before we dropped “your daughter” off? Why was it ok she stay there all weekend with you and him and now today you are suddenly worried about it? Nothing. She said nothing.. She then goes off in a whole 180 and changes the topic. Threatening again she will have the child thrown into a foster home. I then said where is step son? She said “YOU KNOW WHERE HE ISSSSS? HE IS AT WORK.” I said fine then please do not call here again until he can be on the phone with you so he can hear what you are saying. Because for the last weeks all we hear is how he wants to work things out with you and give you a second chance. How he wants you to get better and how much he feels he needs to do that because you his family. I asked her how much she had to drink today if she took any pills . She said nope I have had nothing. I said yeah well I do not believe you. She of course was still casting her evil spells on us. Then I hung up. She called back two times screaming and hanging up on us. Totally craziness. You sit and think about all your doing to save this child from this monster, because that is what she is. She is not the person we all loved long ago. That person is dead. What is left is this manipulative monster. If I did not care so much about this child I would waste no time but to call Social Services and call her bluff. I would walk away from this and be the grandparent again.

.I told DH that he has to get her rights taken once and for all. I do not think my granddaughter should ever be around her so called mother again. I do not think she should ever be alone with her.

This morning, DH called his ex. Seems DIL was back at the house but only after she called and tried to have DH’s EX arrested from her own home. She said EX threatened her. The cop said he was not putting much value in DIL statements since she was slurring her words.

This morning as I got in my car to go to work I had this sudden feeling of panic. Panic that my car would explode. I put nothing past her in harming someone to get what she wants. She did call at midnight twice. Still full of venom. DH said not to call anymore. I am having a major panic attack today. My heart is beating like crazy, I feel sick in my stomach. It is what is left every time they do this to us. The sad part for me is DIL is probably sound a sleep in her bed right now and will forget she ever did any of this when she wakes up. I have let go. My heart let go a long time ago. Now if I can just convince my body to follow suit. I am going to make a doctor’s appointment today. I need something for the panic attacks. I can not live with this lump in my throat anymore. Here is the funniest part of this.. yesterday the book order I ordered arrived yesterday and the title is “Parents don’t let your kids kill you.” That is just what she is doing to me. Killing me. I will have a heart attack and she will survive. What a joke. The good people suffer while the monster lives on. Sorry know that is mean but I really wish she would get hit by a bus today. She is just such an evil monster. I know it is all bad to say but that is how I feel. She is killing us. No matter how much you let go she still comes in on her broom, sprays her venom and leaves the bodies on the floor when she is done to figure out how to get past it all. Some times it is too much to bear.

Sorry know it is long. Know I am probably a nut job.

-Broken
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
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Old 09-18-2007, 07:21 AM
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I'm so sorry Broken. I'll be praying for you and your family. Do what you must to protect the children.
___________
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Old 09-18-2007, 07:27 AM
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Ann
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Awwww, Broken, they'll drive us crazy if we let them.

A Boundary that worked well for me was that the minute any conversation got heated, in person or on the phone...the minute anger or sarcasm or shouting began...it was over.

It took a few times of hanging up and not answering again, or of walking out, before they realized that if they wanted to speak to me, it would have to be respectful. In return, I showed the same respect for them.

Some people are just toxic, and the best thing for me is to just stay away from them.

The granddaughter seems to be the pawn in all this. Perhaps you could get at least guardianship for now until the addicts find a better path. She is the innocent here, and shouting won't get anyone anywhere.

My prayers go out for you because I know how frustrating and angry that kind of treatment can make us. Try hanging up, not slamming but just disconnect, and I promise you that your day will go better.

Thank God for call display, yes?

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Old 09-18-2007, 07:35 AM
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((Thanks)) You are right.

We do have custody right now. The issue remains how long before we terminate the rights. How long does our granddaughter have to wait until she can have normal parents. I would adopt her in a second. You would not even have to ask me twice. I think it is time she gets the life she needs. That is one where her "mother" does not exist. Maybe some day, DIL will come back to her self as we knew and loved her. But until then it is time we move on and create some type of a normal life for this little one. I do want the lawyer to cut off the contact. There is no point for it in her present self and condition.

Made my Doctor appt. Aniexty attack has lessoned some. but I know when that phone rings even if I do not pick it up the fear will rush in again. Imagine if this was the child.. That is what I keep thinking. Thank god she is small enough she does not comprehend the mental abuse her mother is so good at bringing to the table.

Thanks for the pep talk. You are right. Now just get the body to execute that path...

-Broken
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Old 09-19-2007, 10:07 PM
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Good advice from Ann, there. It was my first boundary, and one of the hardest... to take the phone off the hook when I went to bed at night.

If there is an emergency, the police and medics can handle it. If someone dies, it won't make a difference if I know it now or in the morning.

The amazing thing? I slept all night, instead of being on pins and needles waiting for "the" call.

Caller id, phone off the hook and under a pillow, ringer off.... excellent "tools" of recovery.

((hugs))
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Old 09-20-2007, 05:56 AM
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You are doing the right thing. I know it is hard. You are in my prayers.
susan
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Old 09-20-2007, 06:27 AM
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I too spend countless hours wasting my time arguing with my daughter and her lifestyle and you know what...it didn't get me anywhere...but..what it did give me is high blood pressure, undo stress, heartache, headaches...the list can go on and on. I would sugguest that you cut all ties with her as well. Don't answer the phone because you know in your heart she has nothing nice to say. It appears that they only call when they have nothing better to do and just need someone to **** off.

Since my daughter checked herself out of Detox, I have not taken one call from her and to this day still refuse to. I have never once throught the year and a half denied her the pleasure of talking to her son, but...I do now. She has broken this little boys heart for the last time...if I have anything to do with it. If she wants to drag herself through the gutters she will do it without these children.

Threats...omg..i have heard them all and will not deal with them any longer. If she wants to call CPS..call them...she had better hope she has a good case against me..because looking at her lifestyle...I have a better case against her.

I suggest...you keep notes...a journal...about everything that has or is happening. If it ever came down to CPS knocking on your door...give them the notes. You need to make sure all your basis are covered. Unless she can find you unfit to parent the child...CPS won't even bat an eye.

Good luck to both you and your grandchild.
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